Asked to cosign

[Boxowine]

My DS's girlfriend has been accepted into a very prestigious (and very expensive) post graduate program in New York City. Housing costs there are astronomical. My DS plans to spend the year there with her. He asked me today if I would cosign for their accommodation. I'm not sure yet what that would be but it is separate from the University as they have limited school housing. I would normally tell someone to say no but she may not be able to go if she can't find a place to live.

AIBU to say no?

*MN

@SonicHg what contract? There isn't a contract. As I've said before, she hasn't asked to sign anything. My son brought it up yesterday to see if it would be something I'd consider.

I didn't realize that posting on this site meant that I'm supposed to allow myself to be called a troll ( at least one response had to be removed) and personally insulted. All over a relatively common issue people deal with all the time.

@TheTeenageYears I wasn't aware I had to post my name, address, and all of my other personal information in order to avoid being accused of lying and openly insulted. Maybe mumsnet can leak my email so CanaryWharf2 can dox me when she's done insulting my family. Over a fairly routine situation. If I wanted to make up a story I would have come up with something a lot more interesting than should I cosign for an apartment.

Stating your country of residence and nationality are hardly akin to divulging personal information, you are one of many, many millions of people. The world does not revolve around the US or their educational/real estate systems and the vast majority of people on Mumsnet have no understanding or experience of the US system so don't get antsy at people because they've misunderstood/raised a question etc because you omitted to give fairly pertinent information in order to seek help.

Bloody nora, CanaryWharf2 had fun on this thread.

@TheTeenageYears I would never openly call someone a troll much less blatantly insult their child no matter what pertinent facts may or may possibly be misconstrued.
Women who engage in relational aggression towards other women do so because they are under the belief that it is their prerogative to do so. Even when it is against the rules of the site.

My particular dilemma is relatively common and not exactly all that complicated. Hardly worthy of the level of scrutinization and cross examination I was subjected to.

And as I have also said OVER and fucking OVER again, this was a question that was broached to me by my son, who is exploring his options and not a concrete lease or contract that has been placed before me to sign. There aren't any details for me to keep straight. It's a hypothetical right now but I'm ambivalent to what degree I want to support this desire of his. Whatever he ends up doing will be determined to some degree by how much I am willing to support him because as a young person who is not independently wealthy he has to rely on my financial support. I thought this was also a common situation for young people but apparently on mumsnet that means that CanaryWharf2 is allowed to call him a drop out with issues who needs to get a job.

To be honest, I’ve seen a few threads now where he/she has done the same. Getting rather tedious now.

OP, don’t co sign. Where there is a will there’s a way. For what it’s worth, I went to New York for a year doing law as a uk/us citizen. My uk citizen boyfriend followed me, and we actually ended up staying longer than planned as he managed to get onto a architect course. That was 20 years ago now and even though it was pretty hard going at the time, it was the beginning of something fabulous. Sometimes all reason and sensibility has to be chucked out the window for wonderful things to happen. Both sets of parents were all “what if it doesn’t work” but you know, sometimes it does and sometimes it’s amazing. Sometimes you just have to be crazy and accept that life can be beautifully unpredictable.

But you…. Don’t sign. They’ll make it work. And if it doesn’t work out, then so what, what’s the worse that can happen? They’ll just have to come home and explore different avenues, together or apart.

Aussiegirl123456 thanks. I rather think the same. I put myself through college and I've paid for his schooling so far so he should be able to pull it off. I just always assumed I would encourage him to do a year abroad but that wasn't possible during Covid so I'm not really resistant to this idea.

I'm with Aussiegirl123456 too. Don't sign, let her figure it out and go for the single accommodation.

I have avoided reading most of the other replies, so I will add what I think is my own reply, and ask how you would feel about the cosigning if the couple separated?

Would you still feel strongly about supporting (possibly financially) your DS's GF's education esp. if she moved on relationship wise too? I think that is the red flag here. I'm mindful of our new young neighbours, 10 months in and they have called it quits. It does happen.

And slightly OTT, and I'm not in the UK or USA, but when DD went into private studio student accommodation, we found out that type of tenancy isn't covered by our Govt's tenancy laws. This came about as another resident stole a number of items from the property and the management attempted to charge all residents for the replacement cost. Fortunately for us, DD had flown home that weekend and I had her boarding pass, so went head to head with them on the issue. But it surprised me nevertheless.

I raise that as an example of something to watch out for in your scenerio too. Hopefully your Country has better tenancy protection for students than where I live.

OP I’m not sure why everyone is being so mean to you. You’re American, living in the US and your American son wants to live with his American girlfriend in an American city, and personally I can’t imagine where you’ll get better advice than on a British parenting website.

Everyone else - this thread has kept me thoroughly entertained. Thank you.

I had some friends, once, with a brand-new baby.
They asked me to co-sign on some furniture.
I felt bad for them, because of that baby, so I did.
Three months later, I heard from the finance company that they were three months behind on their payments.
I had no choice but to take back the furniture (that I didn’t want & didn’t need) and take over the payments, all to save my credit from going down the toilet.
I don’t think my “friends” ever had any intention of paying, ever. And I think they thought they’d just get free furniture.
It might be different because it’s your son, but unless you can afford to pay their entire rent, etc., I’d think twice.
I might be jaded. I’m probably jaded.

No. I would offer the landlord 9 months of rent paid upfront. If you cannot afford to do that, or the landlord does not accept that, then walk away.

I’m in California, btw.

Will she get student loans for an overseas course?
Her tuition fees are likely to be $60 000 and accommodation another 10 000 at least.
I am assuming she doesn't have a scholarship.

A dream that you pay for.

If you are all US citizens and living and studying in the US it rather changes the situation doesn't it.

Where are you and your family living now.
We assumed you live and work in the UK because this is a UK based site. Don't get upset with people because you didn't make that clear.
If you are all US citizens living in the US it changes everything.

No you did not say at any point that you lived in America and your OP did not say that you were a US citizen.

Aren't internships usually unpaid? And very hard to come by. And you probably need a visa.

Aren't internships usually unpaid? And very hard to come by. And you probably need a visa.

Run @Justkeeppedaling run like the wind! 🏃🏻‍♀️

Also, read the thread.

Will she get student loans for an overseas course?
Her tuition fees are likely to be $60 000 and accommodation another 10 000 at least.
I am assuming she doesn't have a scholarship.

What overseas course?

Sorry only just read the rest of the thread. Talk about drip feed.

@Boxowine you’re a troll. Calm down yeah?

So again, sorry I have to tell you I live in the US. I'm not sure if I also have to what city I'm in. I thought being asked to cosign for something was not limited to the US and that many parents get asked sooner or later to assist with their children's expenses so anyone could relate.