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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to cosign

167 replies

Boxowine · 08/06/2022 23:50

My DS's girlfriend has been accepted into a very prestigious (and very expensive) post graduate program in New York City. Housing costs there are astronomical. My DS plans to spend the year there with her. He asked me today if I would cosign for their accommodation. I'm not sure yet what that would be but it is separate from the University as they have limited school housing. I would normally tell someone to say no but she may not be able to go if she can't find a place to live.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
PurpleButterflyWings · 09/06/2022 00:45

@Boxowine LOL, as if. You'd be bonkers to sign ANYTHING to say you will be responsible for anyone else's financial fuck failures.

Don't do it!

Chilesstanton · 09/06/2022 00:47

Why can’t she sort accommodation through the uni?

Original poster
Boxowine · 09/06/2022 00:52

Because they have limited accommodation for post graduate students. They run a lottery and if you don't get in you have to find something privately.

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 09/06/2022 01:04

It's a huge risk for you -- what would you actually do if you did become liable for the lease payment?
Could you pay it?

Cameleongirl · 09/06/2022 01:04

I live in the US and it’s normal for parents to co-sign for their student child’s accommodation, but in the case of a joint or multi-person lease, each tenant has a separate co-signer who is responsible for just their portion of the rent.

As you know, if you co-sign for both of them, you’re responsible for the entire rent. Your DS doesn’t have any income as yet and would her loans/bursaries really cover it until he has? What if he doesn’t end up earning enough to pay his half?

if she goes alone, she could rent a room in a shared apartment and it would be much cheaper. Your DS needs to get himself financially stable before he can join her and think about having their own place.

Original poster
Boxowine · 09/06/2022 01:08

I am secretly hoping she goes for the single room. I think she could get that at the school more easily than one of their cohabiting units ( they used to call it married housing). But they are in lurve.

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 09/06/2022 01:08

I think she would actually find it much easier to get accommodation on her own, she could flat share with other women students or find a women's hostel, at least to start with.

Original poster
Boxowine · 09/06/2022 01:09

And I remember what it was like to be young and in love and to have a dream. This is her dream.

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 09/06/2022 01:09

Gah. Cross post.

Cameleongirl · 09/06/2022 01:14

Boxowine · 09/06/2022 01:08

I am secretly hoping she goes for the single room. I think she could get that at the school more easily than one of their cohabiting units ( they used to call it married housing). But they are in lurve.

I wouldn’t secretly hope, OP, I’d say straight out that you can’t co-sign and you’d recommend she finds shared accommodation! If they’re truly in lurve, they’ll survive the nine months and make it work by visiting regularly, etc. It might motivate your DS to get his future sorted out too.

SiobhanSharpe · 09/06/2022 01:17

Do you honestly think your DS is an essential part of her dream?
Yes, I get her ambitions for her future, the prestigious course and the doors it will open for her, but would she feel able to take full advantage of and participation in university life with a boyfriend from home there in the background?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/06/2022 01:17

Boxowine · 09/06/2022 00:42

I would normally advise someone else not to cosign for anything but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for her and could mean the difference between her being able to do this degree and not.

She is not your responsibility and you are not running a charity.

19lottie82 · 09/06/2022 01:25

Does the GF want an apartment or a room? If the former then surely this is unrealistic for a student, and most young working people? Don’t they have to house share in an expensive city like NY?

but back to the OP. No way in hell guarantee something unless you’re happy to lose the money, if it comes to it.

Newestname002 · 09/06/2022 01:31

Boxowine · 09/06/2022 00:42

I would normally advise someone else not to cosign for anything but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for her and could mean the difference between her being able to do this degree and not.

OP I would, seriously, go with your first inclination. If, as it may well do, this goes wrong this will be a very expensive mistake for you and your husband. How, then, will you cover those costs in the first place and would you ever get that money back? You are the adult here and part of that may mean being the realist one out if you and your son and tell him No, this isn't possible for you.

I'm also another one suggesting she shares an apartment with others if that's likely to be financially more sensible.

Also:
I don't think that her family are in a position to cosign.

How sure are you about this? Have you spoken to her parents? Perhaps, along with any investigations you need to do around the facts and possible pitfalls around this request you could see what, if any, financial contributions they can make regarding their daughter's accommodation? 🌹

TheTeenageYears · 09/06/2022 01:39

We can't sign as guarantor on DS's house (2nd year uni) in the UK because we aren't UK resident. Has the GF actually checked that someone outside the US is a suitable guarantor? It could be your easiest route out besides no. There is no way I would say yes in your shoes. Paying in full up front is usually the alternative in the UK.

TheTeenageYears · 09/06/2022 01:43

Sorry, think I (and others) have presumed you aren't in the US.

Nahnanananahna · 09/06/2022 01:46

You'd be mad to co-sign. It's not on you to enable someone else's dream. How long have they been together? Can they not rent a room as a couple - with NYC rents I would have assumed this is what a lot of young couples have to do!

Separately, is this for this year? Surely all decently paying internships in NYC (and nywhere) have already filled their places.

Original poster
Boxowine · 09/06/2022 01:57

They've been together two years. I have full confidence in her. It's my son who is the one who doesn't get his ducks all in a row. We kind of need to keep her on our good side so she'll marry him.

OP posts:
Cameleongirl · 09/06/2022 02:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CanaryWharf2 · 09/06/2022 02:07

Boxowine · 09/06/2022 01:57

They've been together two years. I have full confidence in her. It's my son who is the one who doesn't get his ducks all in a row. We kind of need to keep her on our good side so she'll marry him.

She’s trying to move thousands of miles away from him; she’s an academic high flier while your son is apparently en route to being an unemployed college drop out.

If any of this story was real there’s no way she’s going to marry him.

CanaryWharf2 · 09/06/2022 02:07

Nahnanananahna · 09/06/2022 01:46

You'd be mad to co-sign. It's not on you to enable someone else's dream. How long have they been together? Can they not rent a room as a couple - with NYC rents I would have assumed this is what a lot of young couples have to do!

Separately, is this for this year? Surely all decently paying internships in NYC (and nywhere) have already filled their places.

They will have been. The whole thing is fantasy.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/06/2022 02:09

Boxowine · 09/06/2022 01:09

And I remember what it was like to be young and in love and to have a dream. This is her dream.

Then she needs to focus on that dream, find herself a single room, - which you say are easier to come by c/o the university - & make it happen.

Your son is expecting you to underwrite a lease that could sting you for 25% of your household income. All because he doesn't want to leave his g/f. He needs to find a job - here or in the States - if he wants to live abroad without a clue of how he is going to finance himself.

Original poster
Boxowine · 09/06/2022 02:18

Wow. Some people get way too invested in these threads. I have said that I'm American and I have also said that DS brought it up, not his girlfriend. I also said that he is not as focused on his academic career as she is.

How does that make me a troll?

What a bunch of ratchets, my life isn't identical to yours, therefore it's all made up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boxowine · 09/06/2022 02:54

CanaryWharf2 · 09/06/2022 02:07

She’s trying to move thousands of miles away from him; she’s an academic high flier while your son is apparently en route to being an unemployed college drop out.

If any of this story was real there’s no way she’s going to marry him.

Show quote history

@CanaryWharf2 my son isn't on his way to being an unemployed college drop out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boxowine · 09/06/2022 03:01

CanaryWharf2 · 09/06/2022 00:37

It sounds like you’d be better concentrating on your own child’s issues rather than worrying about his girlfriend.

If he doesn’t graduate no-one’s going to give him a professional job, so what’s the point in him doing an internship?

Show quote history

@CanaryWharf2 maybe you should watch your mouth before insulting people's children.

OP posts: