Asked to cosign

[Boxowine]

My DS's girlfriend has been accepted into a very prestigious (and very expensive) post graduate program in New York City. Housing costs there are astronomical. My DS plans to spend the year there with her. He asked me today if I would cosign for their accommodation. I'm not sure yet what that would be but it is separate from the University as they have limited school housing. I would normally tell someone to say no but she may not be able to go if she can't find a place to live.

AIBU to say no?

She won't marry him.
She's got more going for and is ambitious.

Why does he need to find a job? He hasn't finished school yet. Did you "need to find a job" instead of finishing school? Or were you able to explore internships and college reciprocity programs before you graduated? Some people do you know.

part of picking the right graduate program is evaluating the financial offer and housing options. If you son’s girlfriend is ready for grad school, she will have thought all this through.

you mention a lottery for housing. I didn’t have many friends end up in nyc for grad school, but all those that did ended up in student housing. I went to another expensive city and was in student housing. Without it, I might have had to go to my second choice school.

It's a very particular one year program, which is why she applied to this school. Some real estate markets are harder than others. If she were going to a school in a rural area it would probably be easier in terms of both cost and availability.

Getting ready for grad school includes evaluating costs and financial aid, which of course can't be done until after such packages are offered. It also includes evaluating all of your options.

You said that he’s unlikely to finish, which means he’s dropping out, and implied that he doesn’t have a job, only a ludicrous plan to get an internship, so that seems like a fair description.

What’s the next step otherwise?

Again, you said he’s likely to drop out. He’s not going to get into a professional career if he fails to complete his degree.

You know this, so why the indignation? You need to help him, not indulge in this fantasy about him moving to NY and getting an internship.

Why does he need to find a job?
Because he wants to risk 25% of your annual income on a 9 month lease in New York.

He hasn't finished school yet.
& you said he's not very interested in doing so.

Did you "need to find a job" instead of finishing school?
Yes.

Or were you able to explore internships and college reciprocity programs before you graduated?
No.

Some people do you know.
Not sure why you started this thread if you have already made up you mind to fund your son through his fantasy internship. Off you trot & sign the lease then - it might distract you from having bad-tempered pops at PP.

You have clearly already made your mind up, so best of British with committing a huge sum of family money to your son's wish to follow his talented g/f to America, without a single plan to support himself.

You'd be mad to even consider it. Don't you watch Judge Judy?

Have you spoken to your son's girlfriend? I wonder why she didn't ask you herself.

If they’re in lurve, they can be starcrossed lovers and live on opposite sides of the Atlantic for nine months. I wouldn’t encourage this fantasy.

I would 100% encourage the gf to take an independent single room.
I would also support my ds to look at work opportunities in NY separately and if he got something I would co-sign for him.
they can both do this but they need to go into it as two individuals not so entwined.

Your son needs to back off and let her live her life.

He wants to go with her, which means she's now struggling to find accommodation as she needs off campus due to him wanting to stay too. Hence why he wants you to co sign. So he can help persuade her this is the best option.

Tell your son to let her live her life, and stop riding on her coattails.

As the OP has made clear though, she wants to use the poor girl as her son’s meal ticket, so she’s really not likely to do this.

Don't risk money you can't afford to lose.

And if it's true love, they will make 'long distance' work for a year.

Honestly, I've lived and studied in more than one country and I've rented a house in so many other countries I've lost track! So, in my opinion, nobody moves anywhere, regardless of the reason, without knowing how they're going to pay for it all. Nobody goes on to apply to an institution for further studying without having the cash to back it up or knowing exactly where that money will be coming from.
As for you cosigning, I think it would be wonderful if you did, but out of all the people I know that have done that or similar, enough have come to regret it:

1. there's the lady who did it for the kid's fiancée. They'd been together for a long time but ended up going their separate ways. She girl moved abroad and she got stuck with part of the bill.
2. My DM's friend did that for a niece. The niece ended up losing her business and this lady only found out when she didn't get part of her wages (taken to pay the debt without her knowing, so it had gone through the courts without her knowing).
3. My DM lend money to her goddaughter (and then decided to forgive part of the debt), so she could buy a car to go to school. This girl's mom then thought my mother had to lend her money (to spend on ridiculous stuff) and when my DM said no she ghosted my mother and so did the kid. They'd been friends for over 40 years and I don't think she's the goddaughter since.
4. My sensible best-friend of many years got a loan to study. Instead of paying it back, she bought a fancy-schmancy new laptop and was very insulted when I said Wow, what a cool laptop!, the funny part was I meant nothing by that other than it really was a nice laptop but I think she was offended because she knew it cost more than what she owed. She also kept going on and on about saving money and in the end had to be asked to pay the money back (almost 2 years later). Would I cosign for sb who isn't even legally part of the family? No, I wouldn't, particularly if I couldn't afford to pay it back if it came to that.

I would not do it! If this is her dream, she needs to make the sacrifice to live in a single room and see her boyfriend for the holidays only. If she's not prepared to do that, then she doesn't want this career opportunity enough.

For all you know, she might meet the man of her dreams on her first week in NYC and dump your son. Their career aspirations don't seem aligned anyway

For all you know, she might meet the man of her dreams on her first week in NYC and dump your son. Their career aspirations don't seem aligned anyway

I think that's what the OP and her son are afraid of! He wants to stick to his gf like glue and the OP is willing to facilitate it....which is daft, because even if they did end up getting married, there's no guarantee they wouldn't divorce a few years down the line.

DH and I are from different countries and met when we were working in the same city. We then had to spend nearly two years apart due to work commitments in other countries that we'd have been fools to turn down while we built our careers. We were mid-20's and knew that we needed to get ourselves in a financial position to be together (plus applying for work visas, which also take time and money)! There was no question of our parents bankrolling our relationship - adults work this stuff out between themselves.

@CanaryWharf2 I did not say that he is unlikely to finish , or that he would be dropping out of school or that he doesn't have a job. I did say that she was accepted to a graduate degree program in another city and that he wants to spend the year there with her and intends to find an internship.
This is not a ludicrous plan. There are hundreds of non profits and state and local government programs that have internship programs. Everything from selling tickets at the Statue of Liberty to working in children's summer camp programs. All of which are understaffed. You don't have to be headhunted by JP Morgan to get an internship.
Students participate in school reciprocity programs, study abroad opportunities and internships all over the world. There's nothing ludicrous about it.

Did you spend your college years locked down because of Covid and not be able to go anywhere or do anything?

So out of the two of them, who will be making a decent enough salary to pay the rent?

I worked in Debt Recovery for decades. Our in joke was "What do you call an idiot with a pen in his hand? A Guarantor"

We pursued Guarantors just as aggressively as debtors. Once you sign, you are legally bound to pay her rent if she doesn't. And if you don't legal action can be taken against you.

It's a commitment. I'd only consider it if they have 100% guaranteed income to cover the rent.

Then let her sort out her accommodation and he can visit, Interview for internships/jobs and then move to NYC if he finds one. If g he r doesn’t, it’s only nine months, they’ll be fine if they’re truly committed!

Some of the examples you gave are considered seasonal jobs rather than internships. Some of my DD’s friends work as camp counselors and the jobs run from June through August. So he’ll need to line something up for the autumn. I imagine selling tickets might be similar, but may last until the winter depending on demand.

I did not say that he is unlikely to finish , or that he would be dropping out of school or that he doesn't have a job.
You kinda did though ...
He hasn't graduated yet. I'm not convinced that he is really interested in finishing school.

This is not a ludicrous plan. There are hundreds of non profits and state and local government programs that have internship programs. Everything from selling tickets at the Statue of Liberty to working in children's summer camp programs. All of which are understaffed. You don't have to be headhunted by JP Morgan to get an internship.
OK - so how many of those hundreds of opportunities has he applied for? Or even researched? Is he eligible to work in the States - you didn't confirm whether he has dual citizenship, or if he needs to apply for a green card.

Well then, "not". She can't afford it.

You are changing your story now, you’d previously suggested that your son was intending to drop out. Was that not true?

A summer camp job is not an internship, something you’d know if any of this was real. Selling tickets at the Statue of Liberty isn’t one either.

Given that I mentioned above how my bank paid for my time living and working in New York, how could I possibly have spent my college years locked down?

Yeah, this is a 🧌 or someone having fun. At least I hope it is!

The inability to keep their story straight is a good hint as to what’s going on. I’ll leave them to their sad little game.