Asked to cosign

[Boxowine]

My DS's girlfriend has been accepted into a very prestigious (and very expensive) post graduate program in New York City. Housing costs there are astronomical. My DS plans to spend the year there with her. He asked me today if I would cosign for their accommodation. I'm not sure yet what that would be but it is separate from the University as they have limited school housing. I would normally tell someone to say no but she may not be able to go if she can't find a place to live.

AIBU to say no?

@CanaryWharf2 I did not change my story. I said that my son isn't driven academically. You used that as an opportunity to call me a list and twist my words to insult my child and call him a college drop out with no job who I should focus on his issues.

For the record there are numerous internship opportunities in NY. Including at the Statue if Liberty which is run by the National Park Service. They have opportunities available at large and also through pre arrangements at universities throughout the country.

I don't believe that you interned in NY. If you did you would be aware of how it works in the US. Including national service through programs like CityYear and Americorps. There is nothing out of the ordinary about college students taking a semester or academic year in either a reciprocity study program or paid internship. Especially in programs set up for disadvantaged children in inner cities. I did it myself.

I've noticed you on some other posts. You seem to have a habit of twisting people's words around.

Thanks. That's good advice. Everytime the subject comes up I've told them she would be better off arranging a single room through the school and he should wait until January and find a better situation for himself.

For God’s sake, read what people write, and remember what you wrote yourself. You said your dear boy was intending to drop out; it’s still up there, and I never claimed I did an internship, as I didn’t.

I can see why you’re desperate now to get your claws into someone educated and likely to be successful.

Or will you now claim you didn’t say that either?

@Cameleongirl do you currently live and work in the US? Do you know what the unemployment rate is or average hiring pay is in NYC? Are you affiliated with any colleges in the US? Have you any experience internship placement offices at schools in the US? It's not exactly far-fetched. Students do it all the time.

In fact young couples make these kinds of life decisions all the time. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. I've gone to several weddings if couples who met at school.

Why you would accuse me of spinning out a fantasy when one of the most common experiences in parenting is launching adult children into the world and trying to figure out where financial responsibilities begin and end and how young people are going work out school or training experience.

How would you like it if I said that I think you made it up that you and your partner successfully negotiated a long distance relationship for two years and you must be a liar who made it up just to score a point off if me.

None of this is about giving advice or lending an ear to someone in a quandary. This is about ratchet women who have convinced themselves they're allowed to sit back and entertain themselves by being bitchy towards other women.

None of this is about giving advice or lending an ear to someone in a quandary. This is about ratchet women who have convinced themselves they're allowed to sit back and entertain themselves by being bitchy towards other women.

You're not in a quandary. You cannot afford to risk the loss, so you cannot cosign. Your son's g/f will find single accommodation, & that should be her primary goal.

& it's a bit late to moan about PP being "bitchy" when your own updates are rife with snippiness & rudeness to them.

@CanaryWharf2 I NEVER said that he is intending to drop out. I said that I'm not convinced that he is going to finish school. That is a concern that I have about his progress, much of which has been exacerbated by Covid. You used that as an opportunity to call him a college drop out who needs to get a job.

Your original intent was clearly to accuse me of being a troll but you also seem to have taken quite a delight in insulting my child to boot.

I did say we're hoping they'll stay together but that is a lighthearted joke referring to her how proud we are of her academic achievement, not a Dickensian plot to get our claws into an educated person. We are also educated people but fortunately don't carry the enormous student loans she will have upon completion of this program.

You absolutely said that you interned in NYC, this is what you are basing your subject matter expertise of US internship programs on. You're basing your accusations of me being a troll on your idea that's impossible to get an internship in NYC which is utterly ridiculous. There are over 8 million people in NYC and some of them are indeed students at schools throughout the US. Of all things to seize on as a gotcha, that is the most ridiculous.

You're not at all interested in contributing anything helpful to me only in entertaining yourself by calling me a liar. The whole point of an anonymous site is to be able to post a discussion you can't have anywhere else, this is not something I would talk about anywhere else.

I think that you and others are the ones not fully reading the thread or keeping track of what I've said. I clearly said that we were being asked to do this because the co signer has to earn at least four times the cost if the lease, which we do as a dual income family. I never said how much we earn or whether we can "afford it". I have to pay for my son's living arrangements whether he is attending classes at school or participating in an internship program elsewhere.

I said that I was an American. I don't know what fucking part of that people are having difficulty with, that I must be making up a lie that my son wants to adjust his educational arrangements to match his girlfriend's. It's about one of the most common things I've ever heard of.

I also said that she never asked me, only that my son broached the subject. This is something that I have never been asked to do before. So it's a lot to think about. But thanks for the help. I really fucking appreciate it.

Not finishing school is what is referred to colloquially as dropping out. You said he’s not intending to finish, that means he’s intending to drop out.

You’ve got yourself upset over people believing what you wrote. Pretending now that selling tickets at the Statue of Liberty is what you meant by an internships is just silly, but is probably the sort of job he’s going to need to aim for.

Let’s hope he’s not inherited his mother’s temperament. Even selling tickets isn’t going to be achievable if he has.

Crikey. This got a bit heated!

I would only do it if I was willing and able to meet the costs if they didn't pay.

Worst case scenario you are on the hook for the full cost. If you are happy to accept that risk then yeah

@CanaryWharf2 you continue to misquote me and insult my son. I never said he is going to drop out. I said I wasn't convinced that he was going to finish school. Clearly that is a concern on my part not a declared intention by him. You called him a drop out who needs to get a job. That is nothing more than an example of you using this post as an opportunity to entertain yourself by denigrating other people.

Internships in the US are not difficult to arrange or qualify for. Many businesses and non profits make use of them, especially now with the post Covid labor shortages we are experiencing. Even Disney has internships. Some of their interns even work in the ticket booth. The National Park Service offers many throughout the year, it's not far fetched at all and certainly nothing to sneer at. I only offered an example of one of the many, many possibilities that exist. I don't know why you are under the impression that the only internships available are in the banking industry and must be arranged months or years in advance.

Maybe you just don't know what the fuck you're talking about, even though you say you know all about internships in New York because you had one but now you say you never said that.

Do you think the girlfriend knows about his plan to get them an apartment and hijack her year abroad?

Look darling! Mummy got us an apartment so you don't have to have roommates and won't make any friends! I will work giving out flyers while you're at school and then you can come home every night to meeeeeeee!

I can see you’re upset by his intentions, but taking it out on others really isn’t the right way to behave.

I sincerely hope this talented young lady puts you and your boy as far behind her as she can.

Especially as she’s on such a prestigious course and he’s going to drop out of school and work selling tickets to the Statue of Liberty.

They've been together two years. I have full confidence in her. It's my son who is the one who doesn't get his ducks all in a row. We kind of need to keep her on our good side so she'll marry him.

So if you did agree to sign, what you're effectively doing is potentially hoping to buy your son a wife and one that will presumably earn enough to support both of them.

I'm not convinced that he is really interested in finishing school.

If she's as bright as you say, I wouldn't count on it.

Careful, OP has a bit of a tantrum if people bring this bit up.

@SqueakyShoe what year abroad? How many times do I have to say that I'm an American who lives in the US? For what it's worth, they have been together for two years and went to the same University and have even lived together before now. She simply graduated before he did and is pursuing post graduate study while he wants to find an internship and live with her in NYC for a year. What is so far fetched about that?

For this I have been called a troll and my son has been insulted because I have related my concerns about his academic ambitions after having to go to school during Covid. Reasonable enough I would think. And I expressed a desire for them to make it as a couple. Because they do love each other and she is a wonderful girl and this is what most people hope for for their children.

I didn't write those quotes, the OP did but I get your message.

@CanaryWharf2 you have repeatedly made me out to be a liar and called my son really awful things . I hope this has been really entertaining for you. I would call you a name but I can't really think of anything that quite covers your obvious motivation to discredit and disparage someone because they are new to a site and because their situation doesn't line up to your exact experience.

For what it's worth, I don't think you lived in NYC otherwise you would already know that there are internships everywhere there. I think you made that up to lend yourself credence while talking about something you know nothing of. An internship is the simplest thing in the world.

@CanaryWharf2 this is another example of you insulting my son and lying about what I said because I never said he has dropped out of school or that he has made plans to drop out.

And I don't actually expect her to support him, now or in the future since post graduate schools in the US are not subsidized by the government the way they are in UK. She will be borrowing well into the hundred thousand dollar range in order to attend this course.

But you would know this already with your vast experience of living in the US on an internship that you didn't say was an internship but you know everything about how universities and banking work in the US.

I had the top two floors of a brownstone on west 78 and Amsterdam. It was quite special. It was when I was head of options for a European bank in midtown.

I met my wife there; she was in sales.

I must admit it didn’t involve selling tickets on Ellis Island at any point.

So many no's man. On your own head be it.

My DD is studying in the US next year. We were in a position to guarantee her rent (she similarly isn’t eligible for uni accommodation) but an overseas guarantor wasn’t acceptable anyway understandably as would be quite hard to pursue us for the funds. We’ve paid the entire rent upfront instead. Can your DS and girlfriend feasibly go for this option so no guarantor is required?

@CanaryWharf2 I don't believe you. You said that my son couldn't get an internship because when you did the bank arranged for your visa and living arrangements. That doesn't sound like what an intern would get. Then you said it wasn't an internship, so it must have been an H2B visa type program, which would normally not include housing. So very strange. But also not something that I would compare to a student who has not finished their schooling yet.

Tell me, when your friends and co workers have children at University do you sneer at their part time jobs or internships also?