Having a pre-paid debit card to hide food spending from my partner

[jadeyxox]

So DH and I have a joint account for all our money (he earns more than me, but money has never been an issue with us) so we can obviously see what's being spent on the account.

I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with food isn't the healthiest, and I've always had an issue with DH knowing exactly what/how much I eat etc. Things like getting breakfast from McDonalds most mornings after taking the kids to nursery/school, or takeaways in the evening when he's working or out, or at the bakery.

I always got around that by buying a lot of stuff with cash, but with takeaway apps, and the pandemic with places going card only, I got a prepaid debit card from the Post Office that you can top up with cash, and then use that to pay at places or on apps.

I mentioned in passing to a friend the other day that I do this, and she seemed to think it was a really strange thing to do, and it's really been playing on my mind!

Thanks xx

Hi op

forgive me,but is this post a cry for help?
do you want to stop eating unhealthy extra food?
apologies if I've read this wrong.🌈
could you tell this to your dh and ask him to support you in changing your diet and start with ditching the cards.
wishing you the best of luck either way.💐

I’d say this is a huge red flag for either a significantly disordered relationship with food that needs intervention and addressing, or a significantly disordered relationship with your husband.

Or both.

Probably with food based on you saying it’s about your feelings of guilt than his of judgement.

OP - you’ve posted this thread asking people if this behaviour is weird.

People are telling you it is.

What happens next?

Thank you that's so sweet of you. I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about myself at the weight I am. I know it isn't healthy, and not really fair on DH or the kids x

It seems very unhealthy, in more than one meaning of the word.

Hiding things from your partner is rarely good, but neither is having an unhealthy relationship with food. A McDonalds breakfast is lovely once in a while, but it sounds as though it’s part of a bad diet with you.

It really is very deceitful. But also worrying that you feel you need to take such steps to conceal things from your partner.

I think you should talk to your GP, it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I know it neds to stop, but I told myself that a stone ago, and two stone ago, and well you get the idea.

I guess I knew it was a bit odd because otherwise I wouldn't be trying to hide it from DH, but habits just become normal in your mind.

Indeed, but unless you look at why someone is overeating or under-eating etc. you will not deal with the route of the issue. Healthy balanced eating starts with self acceptance and making peace with life events and experiences etc.

Yes I can't deny that about my diet and it is reflected in my weight and health.

Your behaviour indicates a dependency on fast food.

It also indicates you know it is a problem. As does dh.

I think you need to seek help.

What you are describing is an addiction.

Good luck op, I hope you can take that first step to getting free

OP - would you consider joining an eating disorder support group?

I think you probably need to refer yourself to an eating disorder clinic OP. I have met one person who also was a secret eater and they did have binge eating disorder. For them, it was caused by childhood trauma. In short, meal times as a child were very stressful and so they only felt hunger when alone and so ate in secret.

It’s good you’re recognising it as a problem. There is help out there for you. You don’t have to struggle alone.

I'd say a McD's every day is extreme. And utterly must cost you a fortune!

Wouldn't your topups on this card show as debits from your joint account?
I appreciate money is not necessarily an issue but it all must add up to a considerable amount the cost of all this takeaway food plus, presumably, charges from this card you are using.
As it's all spent on you, maybe try and use some of this towards other healthier pursuits. You would benefit directly and it would be a positive change.
Or try and consume less in this fashion but of a better quality. For ex. Instead of a regular McDonalds breakfast, have a good quality coffee at a good independent coffee shop with a good quality croissant or a smoothie etc. Sit down and savour it, an enjoyable experience as a treat for you. The joy of having treats is that they are not an everyday experience.
It sounds to me like you got in the habit of consuming these items and it's some form of addiction. Maybe you don't even enjoy the taste that much. Or the setup even.

If you need to hide it then you know you have a problem.

I usually make a withdrawl as cash and then top it up with that

Do you know what your BMI is OP?

Very strange also for your own sake if you are ashamed of your eating habits you should try to make even small changes. X

That’s a BMI of close to fifty. That’s well beyond “unhealthy”, morbidly obese starts at 40, which is three stone below where you are now, so it’s at a level that is very likely to kill you young.

You probably already know this, but hiding your diet from someone who cares about you isn’t the best way to get the help you need.

The NHS has several routes available to help you, are you working with your GP on this?

What help are you accessing to manage your relationship with food?

It's the behaviour of an addict who is hiding and denying the price and extent of your desired fixed.

I don't think it is a DH problem just an unhealthy relationship with food secret eating.

Is your DH slim?

My partner hides crisps and sweets in his bedside drawers I never mention them because I know he is self conscious of being overweight whereas I eat much smaller amounts I don't have a food problem.
I'm not being sanctimonious I've had plenty of other problems.

It's about 49 currently.

From your replies, you sound like a sweet, lovely person. So I definitely don't want this to come across mean... but I think you need to see a doctor. You clearly have some mental health issues relating to food. You are aware of what it's doing to you, you feel ashamed, but you still do it. You've made an elaborate plan so that your own husband doesn't find out. Please seek help.
I would be so disappointed if I found out that my husband had been doing all this and hiding it from me. Not just for the financial or health aspect, but because I'd feel betrayed that he wasn't truthful with me.
On a lighter note, where are you finding the time to go to McDonald's every day after nursery drop off? 😆

I know and that makes me feel so guilty believe me.