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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have insisted DD be checked by a doctor (again)?

235 replies

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 19:05

As my NC suggests I'm quite an anxious mum and prone to worrying about every little thing so I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. DP has made me feel like I am. Hence my posting.

DD (14 months) has had recurring viral infections for several months now, probably a new one every 4-5 weeks. When she gets unwell has a horrendous cough to the point of vomiting, streaming nose, temp of 38 or higher (39.5 at its highest), no appetite, and is generally sleepy and lethargic. She became unwell this time around just before the bank holiday weekend last week. On Friday evening I was concerned about her breathing which appeared shallow and fast, so I called 111 and they advised we take her to A&E. She was seen and we were told (again) "it's just viral" and that whilst her chest appeared to be "sucking in on one side" (paediatric doctor's words), they weren't concerned enough to keep her in. So she came home.

Fast forward to 5 days later and she is still no better. Obviously we have kept her home from childcare and DP and I have take days off work between us. Monday was my turn. On Monday her temp soared yet again and she was very sleepy and refusing any fluids. I rang the GP, they told me to take her to see them. GP examined her and said "just viral" and "not concerned". She said the fact she makes a full recovery between episodes of infection is reassuring. No treatment, just sent home.

Today DP looked after DD whilst I slept (supposed to be at work but I have come down with the same virus and feel dreadful myself so I've spent the entire day in bed pretty much). I woke up around 5pm and went downstairs to see how she was. DP said she had only just woken up after sleeping for "about 3 hours" (she never, ever sleeps for this length of time, it's typically 1.5-2 hrs max for her afternoon naps). She still looked sleepy and lethargic, eyes bright red and weeping, and again refusing any sips of water from her cup. She had also developed a rash across her upper chest and neck area, removed her vest and it's down onto her tummy as well. DP said he he noticed it earlier but wasn't concerned. He was equally unconcerned about her unusual length of sleep, and her refusal of water. I changed her nappy - there was the tiniest amount of wetness but nothing like what there should be for 3 hours later (DP said she took a small amount of milk before she slept).

Putting it all together I said to DP I'm really worried, I want her to be seen again. Especially with the rash and refusal fluids. DP said he didn't think this was necessary and that I was overreacting. I said I just keep thinking "what if?", especially when I've read about sepsis and how dangerous it can be. DP said "you need to stop reading stuff online". That was the extent of his support.

So I rang 111 regardless - a lovely nurse listened to my concerns and advised we take her again to a&e to be seen. DP grumpily and reluctantly said he would take her (I offered but he said no as I'm not well either so he would do it). He's currently at a&e with her waiting to be seen. So this will be the 3rd time she's been seen by a medic in 5 days.

AIBU? Am I a neurotic overreacting mother to be worried about something more serious being wrong? DP has made me feel like I am. I'm just so worried about my constantly poorly baby. 😢

OP posts:
NewMN · 08/06/2022 19:07

YANBU. She’s precious and you’re doing the right thing making sure with the additional symptoms.

Try to stay calm and get better yourself do you can look after her when she’s home.

PermanentTemporary · 08/06/2022 19:07

Doctors rely on you going back if things don't improve. Most things do improve, so if they don't, getting checked out is a good thing.

junebirthdaygirl · 08/06/2022 19:08

You are not over reacting as a rash could mean meningitis and absolutely cannot be ignored. Hopefully she will be fine but definitely has to be checked out.
A lot of children get sick regularly when they first attend creches but gradually it levels out so maybe tats the issue.

OurChristmasMiracle · 08/06/2022 19:11

Honestly the refusal of fluids lethargy and rash for me would cause me to be very worried. 111 also clearly agreed or they wouldn’t have said to go to a and e. Children get very sick very tired quickly and those symptoms could be meningitis so personally I would not risk it and would rather be an over anxious mum

CatLadyDrinksGin · 08/06/2022 19:11

YANBU but a temp of 38 is pretty normal (assuming ear thermometer? Will be lower on under arm). Most medics
would rather see 100 healthy young children than miss the 1 who really needs to be seen.

BattenburgDonkey · 08/06/2022 19:14

YANBU my DD got sepsis as a baby, I was lucky I got listened to very quickly as she’d been very premature, but the doctors, nurses, paramedics all told then, and when I took her in a few other time, that they would ALWAYS rather see small children, and that parents trusting their instincts is totally valid and important.

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 19:17

Thank you for the replies. I can see I'm probably not overreacting then. DP has really made me second guess myself as he was just so blasé about the whole thing. I don't understand how he can be??? I'm worried sick about her, wishing I'd insisted on taking her myself to a&e.

@BattenburgDonkey sorry to hear your DD had sepsis, that must have been so scary. 🙁 What were the signs if you don't mind me asking?

OP posts:
Artwodeetoo · 08/06/2022 19:18

It probably is a virus that will pass, but absolutely 100% if concerned it's right to get her checked out again.

Balanced12 · 08/06/2022 19:19

YANBU, always best safe than sorry, especially if not drinking,if you are getting continued rashes and fatigue, consider exploring allergies or vit D deficiency. I hope it is nothing.

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 19:23

@CatLadyDrinksGin

NHS website says 38 or higher is a temperature? So I assumed this wasn't normal.
It's a forehead scan one.

OP posts:
Hm2020 · 08/06/2022 19:24

yanbu she’s so young still and can go down hill quickly.

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 19:24

I mean like a digital one that you point at the head without touching and it reads the temp.

OP posts:
BattenburgDonkey · 08/06/2022 19:26

She was much younger. She’d been lethargic and then she didn’t wake up from
her nap, when I woke her up she just looked rigid and uncomfortable, and I just new something was wrong. It escalated quite quickly for us though, I phoned 111 and when I started talking to them I stopped and told them that actually I new I needed help now so hung up and phoned 999. We had a few other viral infections that ended up with her in hospital for a few days in the first 2 years that were much less serious, and in those cases it was sucking in under her ribs, and her breaths per minute being too fast that were the things that told me/111 it was time for hospital, even when she’d seen a GP for an ‘ear infection’ or whatever it was a day or two before.

In all cases she bounced back really quickly, and after about age 2 the huge amount of viruses seemed to settle off to a normal amount. I have absolutely no regrets about taking her to be seen, even on the occasions were it was viral and she just came back home (there were not many). My DH was super relaxed too, but he does now acknowledge my instincts are good. No idea what would have happened if it was all on him, I hope he would have eventually reacted.

CaptainBeakyandhisband · 08/06/2022 19:26

My child had sepsis at age 3 (caused by undiagnosed tonsillitis). He ended up in hospital and on IV antibiotics on the Friday, but he had seen a GP on every day that week. Until the Wednesday there was no focus of infection so it was assumed viral (but on the Wednesday an out of hours GP refused to prescribe despite an absolutely enormous lymph node and pus covered tonsil, insisting viral). By the Thursday he was quite unwell and our own GP was horrified but the oral antibiotics took too long to work and so he just got worse. It is never wrong to get your child examined if they don’t show
positive signs of recovery.

Lsquiggles · 08/06/2022 19:27

I feel for you OP, my DD was exactly the same at that age and it's so horrible to see them so poorly so often. I too ended up in A&E with her a few times when her temperature reached 40 degrees but it was always viral and told to just ride it out at home. I hope she's feeling better soon 💐

CatLadyDrinksGin · 08/06/2022 19:28

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 19:23

@CatLadyDrinksGin

NHS website says 38 or higher is a temperature? So I assumed this wasn't normal.
It's a forehead scan one.

The forehead thermometers aren’t very accurate (neighbour was 40c at the weekend on one, perfectly normal temp in reality). But I’d still get the child seen. Mine have temps over 40c on ear thermometer every time they’re ill so I wouldn’t blink at a 38c.

BattenburgDonkey · 08/06/2022 19:31

38c is classed as a fever in children though.

MiddleParking · 08/06/2022 19:32

If I’m honest I agree with your DP. Baby/toddler illness can be really unpleasant but none of that sounds particularly abnormal. Did you do the glass thing to the rash?

OystercatchersPaddling · 08/06/2022 19:36

Always trust your gut instinct, I think you’ve done the right thing. Hope she feels better soon x

ladydimitrescu · 08/06/2022 19:38

You're absolutely not unreasonable.
My son was exactly the same as this, I saw the GP several times ending in twice in one day. By the afternoon appointment we were sent straight to the Childrens ward, he had gone downhill so fast.
I hope she is feeling much better soon x

Applegreenb · 08/06/2022 19:39

Nope not over reacting. A GP told me a few weeks ago if their urine output is 50% decreased than normal then they should be in hospital having a drip. I thought it was a dry nappy for more than 6-12hrs but he said it’s changed recently at our practice.

Hope they get seen soon! It’s horrible when they are sick, it’s called mothers Intuition for a reason

CatLadyDrinksGin · 08/06/2022 19:39

BattenburgDonkey · 08/06/2022 19:31

38c is classed as a fever in children though.

With a decent thermometer- the forehead ones aren’t at all accurate.

Thereisnolight · 08/06/2022 19:41

DN recently had these symptoms. Had recently had her MMR vaccine. It was clearly viral - I think mini-measles myself - but she became very unwell due to not eating/drinking properly and ended up being admitted for a couple of days for IV fluids and glucose. Her blood glucose was very low - 1.3.

Nocutenamesleft · 08/06/2022 19:42

My daughter had something called PFAPA. No dr has heard of it. Except her immunologist. However it took us years to get to him.

she was so sick for years and I took her to over 50 drs. Everyone kept telling me it was a virus. I was an anxious mum and I just knew something was wrong and I was right.

trust your gut. I tell every mother that now but if you feel something is not quite right. Keep going

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 19:44

I've just had this text update from DP:

So the nurse isn't concerned about the rash as she stretched the skin and it disappeared. Mentioned sepsis and they don't see any signs of it. They are concerned about the lack of fluids and dry nappies.

😢

I feel like shit that I'm not there with her. I hate the only one parent in A&E rule, it's utter shit.

OP posts: