To have insisted DD be checked by a doctor (again)?

[anxiousmumagain]

As my NC suggests I'm quite an anxious mum and prone to worrying about every little thing so I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. DP has made me feel like I am. Hence my posting.

DD (14 months) has had recurring viral infections for several months now, probably a new one every 4-5 weeks. When she gets unwell has a horrendous cough to the point of vomiting, streaming nose, temp of 38 or higher (39.5 at its highest), no appetite, and is generally sleepy and lethargic. She became unwell this time around just before the bank holiday weekend last week. On Friday evening I was concerned about her breathing which appeared shallow and fast, so I called 111 and they advised we take her to A&E. She was seen and we were told (again) "it's just viral" and that whilst her chest appeared to be "sucking in on one side" (paediatric doctor's words), they weren't concerned enough to keep her in. So she came home.

Fast forward to 5 days later and she is still no better. Obviously we have kept her home from childcare and DP and I have take days off work between us. Monday was my turn. On Monday her temp soared yet again and she was very sleepy and refusing any fluids. I rang the GP, they told me to take her to see them. GP examined her and said "just viral" and "not concerned". She said the fact she makes a full recovery between episodes of infection is reassuring. No treatment, just sent home.

Today DP looked after DD whilst I slept (supposed to be at work but I have come down with the same virus and feel dreadful myself so I've spent the entire day in bed pretty much). I woke up around 5pm and went downstairs to see how she was. DP said she had only just woken up after sleeping for "about 3 hours" (she never, ever sleeps for this length of time, it's typically 1.5-2 hrs max for her afternoon naps). She still looked sleepy and lethargic, eyes bright red and weeping, and again refusing any sips of water from her cup. She had also developed a rash across her upper chest and neck area, removed her vest and it's down onto her tummy as well. DP said he he noticed it earlier but wasn't concerned. He was equally unconcerned about her unusual length of sleep, and her refusal of water. I changed her nappy - there was the tiniest amount of wetness but nothing like what there should be for 3 hours later (DP said she took a small amount of milk before she slept).

Putting it all together I said to DP I'm really worried, I want her to be seen again. Especially with the rash and refusal fluids. DP said he didn't think this was necessary and that I was overreacting. I said I just keep thinking "what if?", especially when I've read about sepsis and how dangerous it can be. DP said "you need to stop reading stuff online". That was the extent of his support.

So I rang 111 regardless - a lovely nurse listened to my concerns and advised we take her again to a&e to be seen. DP grumpily and reluctantly said he would take her (I offered but he said no as I'm not well either so he would do it). He's currently at a&e with her waiting to be seen. So this will be the 3rd time she's been seen by a medic in 5 days.

AIBU? Am I a neurotic overreacting mother to be worried about something more serious being wrong? DP has made me feel like I am. I'm just so worried about my constantly poorly baby. 😢

If she's badly dehydrated and not drinking much at all I'd be asking for them to put her on a fluid drip. Can't really tell if she's not passing urine when there's not much to pass. When we were doing the hospital course while pregnant with our first the nurses told us that if baby has a combination of lethargy plus rash should always be checked out.

The rash could potentially be a post viral rash. The first MMR all my DC go a temperature and rash a week later. After second MMR they only had one grumpy, very slight temperature day.

You are not over reacting at all. Back in the height of covid lockdowns we were completely fobbed off by GP repeatedly - only telephone consults prescribing oral antibiotics for my 3.5 year old's chest infection. She ended up in intensive care with a chest drain, very nearly died.

Obviously this is the worst case scenario, sorry for any panic caused - but getting her seen and assessed again is absolutely the right thing to do.

Hope she improves soon.

OP, try to calm down. Your baby is in hospital and will get good care. Panicking won’t change the outcome (easier said that done, I know). If there was any concern something really serious is wrong, then she would have been seen by the doctor already.

There’s no point in posting photos of rashes. We don’t know what they are and someone will say their cousin’s, next door neighbour’s baby had that rash and had meningitis and then you will get even more worked up.

Being a mum is terrifying at times, I do know that. You’re allowing your mind to wind you up though. Have a cup of tea give someone a ring in real life.

Come back and tell us how gorgeous girl is.

DD was unwell at 9 months old, I took her to the GP twice in 2 days and both times was told it was viral and she would improve. The next day she had a febrile convulsion in her car seat while I was rushing her to A&E after she had this blood chilling cry waking from her afternoon nap, I just knew something was wrong. She had sepsis and spent weeks in hospital recovering. I will never doubt myself again.

I am not saying this is what is wrong with your DD but don’t doubt yourself.

I agree with @Happytap too.

that said, your husband being “less assertive” than you will make no difference. As @passport123 says, whether a parent “insists” on a certain test is neither here nor there- if it is warranted, it will be done.

there is nothing you can do in A&E that he can’t do. You are ill; you should not be going to spread that around unnecessarily in A&E.

do you usually try to control situations like this and take over? It might be worth considering if you don’t trust your husband, your child’s equal parent, and if you have just cause not to trust him, or if this is an outlet for your anxiety wanting to control things.

it could be helpful in future to be able to self
identify the cause of this concern. I’m not talking about the concern for your daughter- that’s normal- I mean this fairy desperate sounding need to have taken her yourself.

I hope she’s on the mend soon!

With fevers unless it gets very high usually what's more important is if it's responsive, so does it go down with a dose of paracetamol or ibuprofen. The fever itself wouldn't send me to A&E unless it was staying that high after medication and after stripping off baby down to a singlet. It can take 20-30 minutes to see if it's working. Also as PPs have said the number of illnesses really isn't unusual for the first year in childcare. I wouldn't have woken her either sleep helps the body recover. Despite all that though, with a baby if in doubt check it out. I would go in for the dehydration and maybe the rash plus lethargy unless it was an obvious post viral rash. The first time our baby got one of those it really worried me.

Wise words from @7eleven

It's the general assessment, what does the child look like, hydration status, pulse, respiratory rate, all sorts of things. Basically if a child needs bloods they're likely to need admitting. We don't bleed 14 month old babies unless they're really sick.

@Whetheryouthinkyoucan

It's not about trying to "control" the situation. I spend more time with DD than DP does, I have done so since she was born. I know her in a way that he doesn't - I have an instinct that he doesn't. He's acknowledged this before and even said so himself. That's why I want to be there with her. Well that and the fact that it breaks my heart not to be with my poorly baby, regardless of who is looking after her. It's not about my view of their competence necessarily, it's about how I feel that I'm not there when she's unwell (ie that I'm letting her down).

This is a very kind, considered and very sensible post.

All the people going on about sepsis are not helping. Also worth remembering that some posters actually get a kick out of scaring the shit out of a ragingly anxious poster like yourself, OP.

Also worth listening to the medics on here. @passport123 could of course be Walter Mittying but I doubt it. Parents don’t get to demand a full blood count. Clinicians who know what they’re looking at, looking for and what they suspect will order relevant blood tests if they’re needed. I highly doubt they are in the case of your little girl.

Doubting the efficacy of doctors is a clear stage in progressed health anxiety. That’s worth bearing in mind. Same goes for doubting your husband’s ability as a parent in the hospital setting. You’re using this thread to constantly seek reassurance which may give you a moment of relief from your anxiety, (or it may trigger worse anxiety in the short term until you seek reassurance on that, too) but long-term it is going to worsen it. Anxiety will destroy your life and suck every moment of light out of it so I urge you to get some support for it.

I’m sure your daughter will be home soon, probably with a just-in-case bottle of Pen V.

I think it depends on the child. My children have never had temperatures as high as 39/40 so I would be worried at a temp of 38. I work in a school and we class a temperature as over 37.8.

She is being sent home again - same story, "viral", "not concerned".

I don't know what to do anymore. Another night of listening to her cough herself to sleep while she vomits bile all over herself yet again.Another night of trying to get fluids into her as she tries to fight me off. Another night of anxiously checking nappies for wee. Another night of no sleep due to the worry of it all. When will it end 😢😢

But you aren’t the medic, and the medic will treat the child in front of them irrespective of any perceived enhanced instinct.

“I would insist on the same if I was there but DP is far less assertive (and concerned) than I am so I know he wouldn't do this. I'm now wishing I'd gone with her instead of him.“

this bit sounded like a doubt that he would be as good in this situation as you would be, and sounded like you wanted to take over to me. Apologies if that isn’t what you meant.

Probably in a couple of days OP. It’s rough seeing them ill, but the hospital aren’t concerned, and that’s great news! Take the advice here of ice lollies, squash etc, don’t be afraid to take her back if she gets worse.

But she’s been seen by a doctor now tonight, her O2 sats, heart rate etc are all fine, and that’s great, you just need to ride it out. I hope you all manage to get some sleep OP, and I’m sure she will be better soon.

@Whetheryouthinkyoucan

He is less assertive than me, and would accept anything without question, is what I meant. I would ask numerous follow up questions like "ok so what does that mean?" and "what else can we do for her?" as an example. DP would just nod and go "great thanks".

That's what I mean. Im more likely to enquire and want to know how they reached that conclusion and why, and where we go from here. It's for my own peace of mind I suppose, and very likely linked to my anxiety, I accept.

@BattenburgDonkey

Thank you

and very likely linked to my anxiety, I accept.

Are you seeking support for this? I absolutely think it's right that she was checked out again, but do you think perhaps your anxiety is heightening what you refer to as your instincts?

@anxiousmumagain do try to get some sleep and outsource checking on her all night to your DH as much as you can, you need your own strength to recover.
You absolutely can go back to doctors as many times as needed if she is not better no matter how many people, including your husband tell you you are overreacting.
@Herejustforthisone and '' Doubting the efficacy of doctors is a clear stage in progressed health anxiety' .. Seriously, parking aside hundreds of threads on MN about women being dismissed as being neurotic by doctors, substandard maternity care, rude/Dismissive staff at A&E.. Most people know real life cases when it happened to them/their loved ones. It is not health anxiety, it is just not a blind reliance on one opinion of one medical person who might or might not be sufficiently experienced and deligent.

OP, what are getting out of this? There’s a part of you for whom this panic and anxiety is working. I wonder what it is?

This hyperbole is a bit beyond healthy concern. Of course maternal instinct is incredibly strong, but how does you staying up all night help anyone? Ultimately this anxiety will detrimentally affect your child.

I’m not having a pop - I once freaked out because my friend was 10 minutes late being my children home and I thought they’d had a crash!

@7eleven

What am I getting out of what?

I'm also not staying up all night just for the fun of it. I can't sleep when I can hear my baby coughing and spluttering every 10-15 mins through the baby monitor. And is she's sick over herself I will go into her and change her.

If that makes me a "unhealthy" neurotic mother I'm Ok with that.

Sadly if it's that busy In a&e they'll want her out as quick as possible (not saying This is right, but it's how it is sadly...)

Might sound silly but have you tried giving her a different type of drink? Chocolate milk/fruit juice or something 'exciting' to see if you can tempt her with some fluids? I'm sure you have already, but just in case!

I wouldn't class a long nap as a problem/worry. If she's Ill she needs to sleep longer to catch up/get better. My LO slept 3 hours yesterday lunchtime when it's normally max 1 hour - and is sooo much better today because of it!

I'm no doctor so feel free to ignore me, but if 3 doctors have said viral I would personally trust it and just keep a close eye on her for a day or so (unless she drastically declines of course). Tomorrow she'll probably wake up super thirsty and catch up from today!

I spent far too much time on Google when my little one was really young, and panicked at the tiniest little thing that was wrong! But he's a healthy energetic toddler despite me worrying every time he got I'll that he had something serious! Now I avoid Google and I am a much more relaxed parent.

Fingers crossed she's better soon - it's horrible when little ones are Ill and you feel powerless 🤞

Has she had her tonsils checked? Or does she suffer with reflux at night?

DD is 2.5 and she was always getting ill, like every 3 weeks, her tonsils were always massive. Coughing, choking, temp 39+, runny nose, sore ears etc. They saw her tonsils and checked her ears and now she has no tonsils and grommets put in because she had blocked infected ears that couldn't drain themselves and tonsils that were always inflamed making her reflux worse.

Just a suggestion, keep pushing. Document everything helps to take pictures of rashes and poo 🙈

Three or more medics, including these latest ones working in acute emergency care, have said that this little girl has a shitty virus but nothing sinister to worry about.

And OP is disbelieving of them all. That is anxiety. It is highly unlikely to be three (or more) negligent medics dismissing this little child from their care. Doctors working in paeds do not fuck about. Kids mask illness and then crash. They want to see all children and will assess them based on what they see. What they see is a little girl poorly from a standard and horrible virus, who needs Calpol and Nurofen and lots of hydration and soft foods and to be allowed to rest and recover.

@Herejustforthisone
you really think doubting the efficacy of doctors is a sign of being anxious?
Having experienced the NHS in many forms I would just say that is smart.

an NHS where you don’t have to strongly advocate for your self or your loved ones and question decisions and double check them just isn’t a place I recognise.