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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have insisted DD be checked by a doctor (again)?

235 replies

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 19:05

As my NC suggests I'm quite an anxious mum and prone to worrying about every little thing so I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. DP has made me feel like I am. Hence my posting.

DD (14 months) has had recurring viral infections for several months now, probably a new one every 4-5 weeks. When she gets unwell has a horrendous cough to the point of vomiting, streaming nose, temp of 38 or higher (39.5 at its highest), no appetite, and is generally sleepy and lethargic. She became unwell this time around just before the bank holiday weekend last week. On Friday evening I was concerned about her breathing which appeared shallow and fast, so I called 111 and they advised we take her to A&E. She was seen and we were told (again) "it's just viral" and that whilst her chest appeared to be "sucking in on one side" (paediatric doctor's words), they weren't concerned enough to keep her in. So she came home.

Fast forward to 5 days later and she is still no better. Obviously we have kept her home from childcare and DP and I have take days off work between us. Monday was my turn. On Monday her temp soared yet again and she was very sleepy and refusing any fluids. I rang the GP, they told me to take her to see them. GP examined her and said "just viral" and "not concerned". She said the fact she makes a full recovery between episodes of infection is reassuring. No treatment, just sent home.

Today DP looked after DD whilst I slept (supposed to be at work but I have come down with the same virus and feel dreadful myself so I've spent the entire day in bed pretty much). I woke up around 5pm and went downstairs to see how she was. DP said she had only just woken up after sleeping for "about 3 hours" (she never, ever sleeps for this length of time, it's typically 1.5-2 hrs max for her afternoon naps). She still looked sleepy and lethargic, eyes bright red and weeping, and again refusing any sips of water from her cup. She had also developed a rash across her upper chest and neck area, removed her vest and it's down onto her tummy as well. DP said he he noticed it earlier but wasn't concerned. He was equally unconcerned about her unusual length of sleep, and her refusal of water. I changed her nappy - there was the tiniest amount of wetness but nothing like what there should be for 3 hours later (DP said she took a small amount of milk before she slept).

Putting it all together I said to DP I'm really worried, I want her to be seen again. Especially with the rash and refusal fluids. DP said he didn't think this was necessary and that I was overreacting. I said I just keep thinking "what if?", especially when I've read about sepsis and how dangerous it can be. DP said "you need to stop reading stuff online". That was the extent of his support.

So I rang 111 regardless - a lovely nurse listened to my concerns and advised we take her again to a&e to be seen. DP grumpily and reluctantly said he would take her (I offered but he said no as I'm not well either so he would do it). He's currently at a&e with her waiting to be seen. So this will be the 3rd time she's been seen by a medic in 5 days.

AIBU? Am I a neurotic overreacting mother to be worried about something more serious being wrong? DP has made me feel like I am. I'm just so worried about my constantly poorly baby. 😢

OP posts:
Bubblesandsqueak1 · 08/06/2022 20:35

When they don't drink much try on different flavour type of fluid my ds wouldn't drink water when he had back to back virals so added tiny bit of juice and he started drinking again also ice pops ds temp was always around 40 every few weeks unfortunately not much you can do with virals I wouldn't have took da to 3 different doctors in 5 days though that does seem quite a lot this time I would have just because of the rash and I did but if you do it everytime they get a temp you would never be out of hospital

LittleLego · 08/06/2022 20:36

Just wanted to add:
You've done completely the right thing having her vaccinated, I've been where you are now and I understand it's worrying, try to step away from Google! You've also done the right thing getting her checked over again.

passport123 · 08/06/2022 20:37

I'm a GP. Always happy to see kids that age - they are difficult to assess and can get ill quickly.

Pieceofpurplesky · 08/06/2022 20:38

Just another one saying you have done the right thing. Hope she gets seen soon

passport123 · 08/06/2022 20:38

Iwonder08 · 08/06/2022 19:46

If it was my child I would insist on full bloods before discharge. Also to be seen by a doctor, not a nurse.

Bloods will be done if they are medically needed. A parent insisting is neither here nor there.

passport123 · 08/06/2022 20:38

I'm wondering if you even know what 'full bloods' you would ask for?

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 20:42

@passport123

What signs would you see in a 14 month old that would tell you bloods were medically needed? Sepsis can be easily missed, can't it? How can you be 100% sure without bloods?

(Genuinely asking, since you are a doctor).

OP posts:
anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 20:43

CHiSOCG · 08/06/2022 20:35

Absolutely right to go back OP. Are they doing her SATs each time? Checking her oxygen levels?

Yes, oxygen sats coming back normal each time

OP posts:
thesurrealist · 08/06/2022 20:43

Hopefully she will be ok, but there is not a clinician or non clinician in the whole of the NHS who wouldn't prefer a 1000 false alarms or over reacting parents to one missed meningitis or sepsis or other life threatening condition.
Hopefully it's just a reaction to the jab and she'll recover quickly.

PinkButtercups · 08/06/2022 20:44

No, you know when your baby is not well.

Insist on bloods.

I took my son to A&E on NYE. He had covid. I made them aware but he had this weird purple like pin prick spot that wasn't there before and they wanted him to be seen. The first thing they did were bloods.

Hope your baby feels better soon.

Also my nephew same age as my DS always had colds/fevers he eventually got sent to the paediatrician for blood tests. Thankfully all fine but do insist on a referral if you want more answers.

AllTheYoungGoodyTwoShoes · 08/06/2022 20:45

You are definitely right to get her checked out again. I hope everything is okay, it's always such a worry, especially when you are not well again. I don't know if you mentioned this, I'm sure it's been checked but could it be covid? It's rife just now.

Zpoa · 08/06/2022 20:48

I'd have done the same. Hope she is okay OP.

Iwonder08 · 08/06/2022 20:48

passport123 · 08/06/2022 20:38

I'm wondering if you even know what 'full bloods' you would ask for?

Well, who says it is medically necessary? If I was concerned about my baby who is ill and not getting better I would most certainly seek reassurance in blood test results rather than a potentially overtired junior member of staff in A&E who declared 'they are not worried'.

Lovemusic33 · 08/06/2022 20:49

My dd was poorly like this when she was tiny, I was back and forth to the gp for several weeks, high temp, cough and eventually a rash, it wasn’t until I spotted her tongue was purple we realised she had scarlet fever, I took her back to out of hours doctor and showed them her tongue and rash and they agreed scarlet fever. A blood test probably wouldn’t have shown anything and her oxygen levels were fine. Eventually she was given antibiotics.

CrankyFrankie · 08/06/2022 20:49

I’m sure she’ll be absolutely fine - but never feel like you have to override your instincts.

It’s normal for babies to have infections as frequently as your DD. The docs do take dehydration seriously as well as mother’s intuition. I’m always (over)analysing/erring on the side of caution too and the doctors always take me seriously and tell me to come back again if I have any further concerns.

My youngest has just turned two and is CONSTANTLY ill, it’s so so draining! I think it’s a combination of being a covid baby (now out in the big bad world) and having narrow, gloopy facial tubes that seem to make any infections that bit worse (hearing impairment etc)! He has had lots of investigations and antibiotics too many times to count already - yet his bigger sibling has never had any.

Also there is the post-pandemic hotbed of germs going on right now. Every time a sickness bug is circulating, I say ‘well there can’t be anymore for us to catch this year’! Yet we do! So grim! We just have to remind ourselves that it’s very good for their immune systems in the long run! Try not to worry OP.

Rinatinabina · 08/06/2022 20:51

YANBU, we had to take DD in for something relatively minor but that we were worried about and the Dr said always come straight in with kids if they refuse liquids and or not peeing.

WimbyAce · 08/06/2022 20:53

You are definitely doing the right thing. My 1st was poorly quite a lot when she was Iittle and it is fricking scary. Once she was tiny and I got fobbed off by the 111 telling me I was a new mum so I didn't know my baby! My GP was absolutely fuming with them! Another time after various fobbings off we spent Christmas eve night at the emergency clinic, you just have to keep pushing.

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 20:56

@Iwonder08

I completely agree with you. I don't think it's fair to expect a medically untrained parent to know what specific blood tests to ask for. As a parent of a child who is unwell and showing jo signs of improvement, if anything they are getting worse, and I'm being sent away time and time again, surely it's perfectly acceptable to want more in depth testing to get to the bottom of it. I don't think the onus is on me to know exactly what specific tests I am asking for. It's just a way of communicating "please stop fobbing me and my child off and get to the bottom of why they are repeatedly so unwell".

OP posts:
anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 20:57

*no signs of improvement

OP posts:
anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 20:58

Update from DP that DD has taken a small amount of milk and gone to sleep. The place is so busy he doesn't even have a seat - he's having to stand in the corridor. DD asleep in her buggy. Still waiting to see doctor.

OP posts:
Daisychainsandglitter · 08/06/2022 20:58

YANBU DD1 had sepsis as a baby and was very ill.
Trust your instincts. I hope your DD feels better soon. Flowers

anxiousmumagain · 08/06/2022 20:59

Also still no wee in her nappy 😢

OP posts:
PreschoolMum4 · 08/06/2022 21:02

You’re definitely doing the right thing by being persistent with having her seen. One of my daughters had pneumonia as a baby. It was not detected until the 4th time we had her seen by a health professional! By that point it was severe and she ended up on HDU. Thankfully made a full recovery but apart from being distraught I was so angry we had been sent away so many times.

UndertheCedartree · 08/06/2022 21:02

I really hope your DD is feeling better soon x

PuffyMcPuffFace · 08/06/2022 21:05

I was on a first aid course last week and they said one of the signs of sepsis is not passing urine. It most likely isn't sepsis, but for them to say there are no signs is incorrect.