To have insisted DD be checked by a doctor (again)?

[anxiousmumagain]

As my NC suggests I'm quite an anxious mum and prone to worrying about every little thing so I don't know if I'm overreacting here or not. DP has made me feel like I am. Hence my posting.

DD (14 months) has had recurring viral infections for several months now, probably a new one every 4-5 weeks. When she gets unwell has a horrendous cough to the point of vomiting, streaming nose, temp of 38 or higher (39.5 at its highest), no appetite, and is generally sleepy and lethargic. She became unwell this time around just before the bank holiday weekend last week. On Friday evening I was concerned about her breathing which appeared shallow and fast, so I called 111 and they advised we take her to A&E. She was seen and we were told (again) "it's just viral" and that whilst her chest appeared to be "sucking in on one side" (paediatric doctor's words), they weren't concerned enough to keep her in. So she came home.

Fast forward to 5 days later and she is still no better. Obviously we have kept her home from childcare and DP and I have take days off work between us. Monday was my turn. On Monday her temp soared yet again and she was very sleepy and refusing any fluids. I rang the GP, they told me to take her to see them. GP examined her and said "just viral" and "not concerned". She said the fact she makes a full recovery between episodes of infection is reassuring. No treatment, just sent home.

Today DP looked after DD whilst I slept (supposed to be at work but I have come down with the same virus and feel dreadful myself so I've spent the entire day in bed pretty much). I woke up around 5pm and went downstairs to see how she was. DP said she had only just woken up after sleeping for "about 3 hours" (she never, ever sleeps for this length of time, it's typically 1.5-2 hrs max for her afternoon naps). She still looked sleepy and lethargic, eyes bright red and weeping, and again refusing any sips of water from her cup. She had also developed a rash across her upper chest and neck area, removed her vest and it's down onto her tummy as well. DP said he he noticed it earlier but wasn't concerned. He was equally unconcerned about her unusual length of sleep, and her refusal of water. I changed her nappy - there was the tiniest amount of wetness but nothing like what there should be for 3 hours later (DP said she took a small amount of milk before she slept).

Putting it all together I said to DP I'm really worried, I want her to be seen again. Especially with the rash and refusal fluids. DP said he didn't think this was necessary and that I was overreacting. I said I just keep thinking "what if?", especially when I've read about sepsis and how dangerous it can be. DP said "you need to stop reading stuff online". That was the extent of his support.

So I rang 111 regardless - a lovely nurse listened to my concerns and advised we take her again to a&e to be seen. DP grumpily and reluctantly said he would take her (I offered but he said no as I'm not well either so he would do it). He's currently at a&e with her waiting to be seen. So this will be the 3rd time she's been seen by a medic in 5 days.

AIBU? Am I a neurotic overreacting mother to be worried about something more serious being wrong? DP has made me feel like I am. I'm just so worried about my constantly poorly baby. 😢

This panic and ‘fight or flight response’. Your danger alert system is stuck at switched on, which is really unhealthy, long term, but might be satisfying you in some other way.

I’m not explaining very well. An example I’ll give is think of someone who is always ill. Seems pretty crap on the face of it, but their partner is always kind to them when they’re ill. Subconsciously they might not eat healthily or exercise because they get something out of being ill, as it’s the only time their partner is nice.

I know it's not easy OP but you pushing is right. Have you tried ice lollies to get her some fluids in her? Or a tiny bit of watered down orange juice? I literally lost the will when DD refused fluids and food so ended up feeding her chocolate just so I knew she'd eaten

You did the right thing! When I did paeds a longg time ago we were always advised to listen to the parents as they know their child best. The bacterial meningitis rash is very easy to spot so if it's not that, then it's good news. Her lack of wet nappies and reduced oral intake would be more of a concern and given that this is the third ED encounter, they will most likely admit her atleast overnight and give her some intravenous fluids. I suspect once she's more hydrated she will feel better.

Hope she’s on the mend soon. I was often similarly worried but my Mum is a nurse so usually after a chat with her, I was reassured and didn’t really take the little ones for many appointments. It’s rubbish when they’re poorly but there isn’t anything that can be done other than keeping them comfortable and hydrated and looking after yourself. It’s good news that it’s ‘just viral’… there really isn’t a magic treatment that the doctors are able to provide.

Its natural to be worried and feel uncomfortable when your children are ill. But she’s fine - and the real problem is that she isn’t drinking. Viruses are horrible things and at the moment are worse, and more long lasting that usual (thanks lockdown).
you must tget her to drink - unless she’s vomiting or her throat is agony, she should be able to drink something! Try:ice lollies, smoothies, Ribena, even flat lemonade. ANYTHING. Good luck!

OP I’m sorry about some of the unhelpful messages you’re receiving here.

You’re not being neurotic or unreasonable.

You need to hang in there, get through the night with DC and then reassess how she’s doing in the morning. 🤞🤞🤞 it will be better than she’s doing now and you’ll be able to take some
comfort from that.

When grommets are inserted, the ears aren’t usually infected. The fluid doesn’t drain itself well in many children but this doesn’t cause illness.

I always prefer to cosleep when DD is unwell. I find it far less stressful than being in a separate room just waiting for something to happen and it just makes me feel like I'd be more responsive if something did suddenly happen. Would that help, maybe?

DD is 3 now but had a virus last week that made her SO tired. She never sleeps past about 6.30am but she slept till 10am one day AND had a two-hour nap in the day when she hasn't napped for well over a year! For about four days she was sleeping way more than usual. It was just what her little body needed to recover.

Definitely try get some juice or something into her when she comes home. The sweetness is encouraging for them to drink even if they don't feel overly thirsty. This is when I find co-sleeping helpful too as I can keep a little bottle of squash beside us and offer her a sip when she stirs/coughs to keep her hydrated through the night too.

@7eleven

My DP has actually been quite unpleasant to me at points today when I've expressed my concern for DD so I'm certainly not getting that out of it, that's for sure!

Totally understand how you are feeling OP and it must be massively hard not being with her. Keep an eye on her overnight and tomorrow and seek further advice if you are worried at all. Try and get some rest yourself too. Fingers crossed she will start to improve xx

Agree

I am not sure if it was already suggested but just take care private. It is worth to spend £100-£300 (really depends where you live and where u go) and put your mind at ease. Search for someone good. i did it once when i was worried and i wasnt getting what i needed from gp and a&e. Lovely doctor checked my ds from head to toe like no one before, listened to all my concerns, explained everything in a way it was understandable to me and i could finally sleep not worrying!

@7eleven your first post was sensible and well balanced. But now implying the OP is getting something out of panicking about their child being unwell is just totally unhelpful, and 10.30pm when she had her child are ill and the OP is clearly stressed. What are you getting out of putting this OP down exactly? She’s already admitted she’s anxious and that’s played a part here. But you’ve basically just implied she’s getting a kick out of her child being unwell.

They are on route home. I will maybe try co sleeping when she's back - might feel less anxious that way. Thanks to those who have been helpful and empathic, much appreciated

And it's difficult when you and your partner have different thresholds for stuff like this I think. DH and I are generally fairly similar in terms of being quite laid back about most aspects of parenting, but I am slightly more anxious about illness than he is, not massively but enough that sometimes he can be a little like 'Well if it makes you feel better then do X but I think she's fine' and then I feel a bit unsupported or like I have to be the one to make the decision. But tbh he's always been right about it too, which has helped to make me a bit more relaxed about things over time!

I think people in their own way are trying to calm you down and not to panic. But at the end of the day we aren't there and can't see your child. You are totally correct you know her best so if you are genuinely concerned then you are 100% justified in seeking further advice. All the best for tonight xx

I’m honestly not in any way, but I understand how it can seem as if I am.

I’m talking about the work of a psychologist called Richard Schwartz (Internal Family Systems) which is very respected. I do agree that the timing is daft so I will shut up 😊 I was genuinely trying to help.

Posters username has anxious in it and a post acknowledges anxiety. It's also several hcps.

a neurotic overreacting mother

This isn’t a thing. You are looking after your child, ignoring it would be neglect. It’s better to take them everyday and them not need it than miss the day they do.

OP is not being neurotic, the sad fact is that doctors do have a habit of ignoring parents fears. (I wont frighten the OP with my story but suffice to say that you should go with your instincts as the doctors do not know your child.) If your child is no better tomorrow then go back and ask for blood tests at least.

OP, sorry if I’ve missed anything but has no one medical suggested it could be a secondary bacterial infection? After 5 days she should be improving. My similar aged daughter had a recent very similar illness and I did everything “right” be keeping her home and looking after her, assuming it was viral, but she was extremely lethargic and stopped taking fluids on day 4/5. The fact it was day 5 and so lethargic was enough for the GP to prescribe amoxicillin despite chest, throat, ears, urine etc all looking clear. She was very concerned and told me to bring her back the following day if she hadn’t improved. Luckily, after two doses she was like a different child, and the next day she was basically back to her normal self.

I totally understand the risk of antibiotic resistance but surely that mentality should only apply for minor illnesses. She really does sound poorly - I would ask the GP tomorrow to consider the possibility of secondary bacterial infection and try and get a prescription, if you feel comfortable doing so. If it really is only viral it won’t be the end of the world, if it’s bacterial then win win.

The thing with little kids is that they can look quite desperately ill with even a routine virus. It's a very difficult judgement call to make when you're a parent. I struggled and I was a qualified nurse. It's better to be safe than sorry with littlies.

The fact she has been examined and assessed is a good thing. Do you have an inflatable bed or camp bed? If co sleeping is difficult you could put that in her room.

See how she is in the morning - you did the right thing getting her seen again but I would be reassured that she has been sent home after an assessment. I hope you all manage to get a bit of rest.

No, @Spaghetti0. I’m saying repeatedly doubting the diagnosis given by Murillo medics is a sign of health anxiety. A really standard one. It typically progresses from seeking medical reassurance and experience relief bordering on euphoria when they typically say it is nothing to worry about. As health anxiety typically progresses, the doctors are no longer able to give you that reassurance. You doubt them. Or the relief does not last long before you start to doubt them.

I’m saying that as a parent of a toddler, as many of us are, these hideous viruses are part of it. It’s horrible. It’s disturbing. No one sleeps. Everyone catches it. But it’s normal. And multiple doctors have had a good look at this child and determined it’s a virus of no concern.

I believe whipping an already anxious MNetter up into even more of a frenzy by telling her doctors are always wrong, telling her to trust her ‘mummy instinct’, is bordering on the immoral when multiple doctors, with actual medical qualifications, who don’t want to see a child come to any harm, have actually seen this child and are not concerned.

I'm sorry you feel you're not getting anywhere.

id definitely co-sleep until she's better.

I also wouldn't hesitate to take her back yourself tomorrow. Tell the 'viral, not concerned' is not good enough.

squeeky wheel.

anytime you're being made to doubt yourself, ask yourself what's the worst that can happen if we go? What's the worst that can happen if we don't go?

it's a no brainer when you look at it like that.

I hope she's over this bout soon & going forwards doesn't keep coming down with this dirt of thing. It's scary & miserable xx

once you're feeling better you need to address the issues with DH, him making you feel crap is not on!!