Is he / are they being unreasonable?

[Standards5]

DC is ill, informed their Dad to be polite as due at his house and he said he'd need to speak to his wife to check if she was okay with it as they have a baby.

My initial thought was why should his wife get to say whether or not our DC can stay with their dad but my friend I mentioned it to thinks she does have a right to look out for her baby.

Is this right?

They’re being sensible. What’s wrong with your child? How old is the baby? Your child can stay with you and may prefer to if they’re feeling really rough.

People will tell you he’d have no option but to manage if all DC lived there full time but your DC has two homes and can stay with you to avoid infecting a baby. That would be sensible.

Depends on the illness. Something contagious and dangerous to the baby then yeah I think it's reasonable?

Ill how? If it's something that means she wouldn't go to school then it's polite to ask yes. If its a cold then I'd expect them to be ok with it unless their baby has underlying health conditions. Presumably they will do the same for you. If it's chicken pox or covid then no, she should stay in one place. It's also about protecting your daughter from feeling awful if she gives the baby chickenpox.

DC sorry, don't know why my brain assumed it was a daughter

In the same way you wouldn’t (I hope!) send sick DC to go and stay with DGP and risk them getting poorly, you shouldn’t expect to send them to infect another household just because it’s their DF that lives there.

I agree - it's one of the benefits to having two homes.

Of course don’t send an ill child to another household. Especially one with a baby!

yabu

If its a cold then I'd expect their dad to still have them. Chicken pox or something else really contagious or something that could harm the baby, then I would understand the worry.

Yes it’s sensible to take precautions with a baby
Hopefully your child will be better very quickly and can go to their dad soon

If dc dad told you baby had an illness that could infect your kids and potentially mean they take time off school and have a few days bed bound. Would you prefer they didn't go to save them being ill and all the other inconveniences that go with an ill child.

Even if it’s a cold it depends on how old the baby is. 12 months then they might think it’s fine, 12 days very obviously not.

It's sensible to reduce unnecessary infecting people, but of course it depends what the illness is and the age of the baby. RSV can be quite severe for little ones, as can chickenpox.

It is Covid and their baby is 10 months.

That's a good point. Probably courteous to ask them if it's a newborn. It just needs both parties to be understanding and it won't be forever.

I never sent any of my dc to exh's if they were ill as there were two small babies/toddlers over there.

Likewise if they were sick exh would always give me & our dc the option of not going over so as to avoid illness.
It's the right thing to do.
Exh's dc are older now so are hardier but my dd often still chooses not to go over if her brothers are unwell as she does want to catch anything that might interfere with her social life!

Surely the sensible thing is to stay home and avoid spreading it unnecessarily?

Oh FFS no you can't send them there with covid.

Yes - keep your child with you in that case.

You kid has covid and you want to risk inflecting another household that has a baby? I don't think we're quite at the it's just a cold, send them along like just yet. Be sensible.

Dad shouldn't have even said he had to speak to his wife about this.

I think if it is COVID - they say babies under 12 months are more at risk from memory? It is polite for you to mention it, it's also fair for him to check with his wife. His wife isn't having a say about your DC staying with their dad to be rude / petty etc, but if they're I'll surely it's a household decision between them both?

Well then I'm surprised you even considered sending your child over. just because the guidelines have loosened doesn't mean oh, lets just spread covid, who cares?

Absolutely do not send.

Babies can end up in hospital especially with the fever, so you're being highly irresponsible to ask them to take him. Why did you even ask, was it just to cause a fight?

I can’t believe you were even considering sending a covid positive child to another household