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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he / are they being unreasonable?

132 replies

Standards5 · 08/06/2022 07:59

DC is ill, informed their Dad to be polite as due at his house and he said he'd need to speak to his wife to check if she was okay with it as they have a baby.

My initial thought was why should his wife get to say whether or not our DC can stay with their dad but my friend I mentioned it to thinks she does have a right to look out for her baby.

Is this right?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 08/06/2022 08:41

You've got every right to protect your baby from potentially serious illness until their immune/respiratory system is more developed and the range of antibiotics available, greater. He could video call his child. If it's Omicron it's likely that he's only positive for around five days.

Rosebel · 08/06/2022 08:42

As it's Covid and they have another child then of course your child should stay with you.
Even if it wasn't a 10 month old baby but an older child I would still expect you to keep your child at home.
I know isolation has ended and everything but you can still take sensible precautions.

HoppingPavlova · 08/06/2022 08:45

Having read the update, I don’t think YABU, but it is really shitty when someone can opt out of parenting their children and the other parent has no choice but to have 100% of that load land on them. When was the last time your DH cleaned up vomit/diarrhoea/run around to Drs and pharmacies dragging sick kids along for the ride/was up all night with his kids, or does his ex-wife do all of this and he just does the jolly healthy bits?

Original poster
Standards5 · 08/06/2022 08:46

HoppingPavlova · 08/06/2022 08:45

Having read the update, I don’t think YABU, but it is really shitty when someone can opt out of parenting their children and the other parent has no choice but to have 100% of that load land on them. When was the last time your DH cleaned up vomit/diarrhoea/run around to Drs and pharmacies dragging sick kids along for the ride/was up all night with his kids, or does his ex-wife do all of this and he just does the jolly healthy bits?

To be fair there have been numerous occasions in the past where DSD has stayed with us when she's been ill, including vomit and diarrhea!

OP posts:
Moosake · 08/06/2022 08:47

I expect she'd want to know if it was the other way around and you had covid.

balalake · 08/06/2022 08:49

I am saddened that you even asked and did not say that your DC could not visit and explain why.

RealBecca · 08/06/2022 08:50

Yanbu but I'd make sure DH goes back and says it was his decision not yours.

If I was him I'd be asking to have extra time with DC after illness to give mum a break and light at the end of the tunnel for caring for a poorly child and dad can get some much wanted time with his DC.

aSofaNearYou · 08/06/2022 08:51

YANBU at all, just ignore her hostility. I hope your DH has a backbone and is as sensible as you are!

Aimee1987 · 08/06/2022 08:57

YAB massively U
Its posts like this that make me so glad that DSS mum is sensible and kept him the times he had chicken pox ( while I was pregnant) and covid.

It being his dads house doesnt automatically mean they should be infected.

NewMN · 08/06/2022 08:58

YABU Covid can be fatal and babies are extra vulnerable. Not to mention the potential (& much more likely than a fatality) long Covid aspect. I wouldn’t go anywhere at all with covid.

Aimee1987 · 08/06/2022 08:59

Sorry just saw update ( really need to read thread through before posting)

Stand your ground here, no point infecting a household unnecessarily

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 08/06/2022 09:09

Just read updates, definitely stand your ground. Ex is being unreasonable, there's no need to infect two households. I've kept my child when he's ill, rather than go to his dads, and he'd do the same if he gets ill there. It's just one of those things. Your husband is definitely a pain though for pinning it on you, he should be with you to say no

ringemoooo · 08/06/2022 09:11

I'm very very sorry but I'm the wife! My husband's ex has massively kicked off at the fact he asked me and I'd said I'd rather not have our baby catch Covid if possible. She thinks it's nothing to do with me and so on...

Don't post reverse threads. It's not fair on posters trying to help and gets people's backs up. And then you get half of the posters responding to the OP who haven't read the updates and the other half have read that it's a reverse and so the thread just ends up a confusing mess.

Of course the DC shouldn't be coming to yours with Covid. They should stay at home to avoid infecting another household and that's irrespective of the ages of the members of that household.

But you could offer to take the child for some extra time after they have recovered from Covid so that the Mum can have a bit of a break.

ArcheryAnnie · 08/06/2022 09:15

Covid or something like chickenpox - stay where you are, whichever house you are in Don't travel, and isolate.

Anything less serious - keep to the arrangements.

(We've just had the news that we are expecting another covid surge, and people will die.)

10HailMarys · 08/06/2022 09:22

Standards5 · 08/06/2022 08:10

It is Covid and their baby is 10 months.

You should absolutely not send a child with Covid to another household, baby or no baby. I realise it's your child's dad's house, but if you have the means to reduce the spread of Covid (which in your case you do, as your child's family is in two different houses) you should do what you can to keep your child away from other people.

TheGoogleMum · 08/06/2022 09:25

They are not being unreasonable to suggest you keep DC with covid away from their baby! To be honest even if they didnt have a baby I'd say shouldn't be swapping households

BodenCardiganNot · 08/06/2022 09:27

To be fair there have been numerous occasions in the past where DSD has stayed with us when she's been ill, including vomit and diarrhea!

And how do you feel about that? (I assume that she is your own dp's daughter).

ZebraLyghts · 08/06/2022 09:27

My baby had covid at 3 months old. Tell the ex to bugger off

BodenCardiganNot · 08/06/2022 09:27

FFS. Just see that it's a reverse.

Whatever00 · 08/06/2022 09:29

Your OH is the arsehole. Why involve you? No Ex I won't have DD while she has covid should have been the response. He doesn't need to ask you. He shouldn't put you in the middle.

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 08/06/2022 09:32

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/06/2022 08:18

Bloody hell. Are you for real?

This. Jeez YABVU

youlightupmyday · 08/06/2022 09:34

The kids caught covid at my exes. He kept them, of course he did! We did drop off care packages daily as he was having a terrible time though

BodenCardiganNot · 08/06/2022 09:34

It's a reverse. The OP is the wife and the mother of the 10 month old.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/06/2022 09:35

He’s BVU to make you the sensible one/bad guy. Presumably he doesn’t want your baby to get covid so why didn’t he bloody say so? Spineless.

7eleven · 08/06/2022 09:43

HoppingPavlova · 08/06/2022 08:45

Having read the update, I don’t think YABU, but it is really shitty when someone can opt out of parenting their children and the other parent has no choice but to have 100% of that load land on them. When was the last time your DH cleaned up vomit/diarrhoea/run around to Drs and pharmacies dragging sick kids along for the ride/was up all night with his kids, or does his ex-wife do all of this and he just does the jolly healthy bits?

Don’t be ridiculous. I’m assuming that if the child has tested positive at his dad’s house, then he would have stayed there.

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