Is he / are they being unreasonable?

[Standards5]

DC is ill, informed their Dad to be polite as due at his house and he said he'd need to speak to his wife to check if she was okay with it as they have a baby.

My initial thought was why should his wife get to say whether or not our DC can stay with their dad but my friend I mentioned it to thinks she does have a right to look out for her baby.

Is this right?

Of course your child should stay home if ill. Why would you want to potentially infect a baby? This is an advantage of having the two households a PP said.

I agree. Not to mention you'll risk giving it to dad and stepmum. It's one thing to unknowingly spread it but deliberately spreading it is sick.

Bloody hell. Are you for real?

Your ex should have been man enough to say no to protect the baby, not put it on his wife. However yes I feel yabu.

Of course that's fine

I had covid recently and although I wasn't that ill at the acute stage, I found it hard to recover from and had extreme fatigue for weeks after.

You dont know how it would affect the baby or the parents. I can't imagine looking after a baby and getting up in the night feeling as bad as I did.

I thought the advice with covid was you don't need to isolate but 'should do so if you can'.

Of course she has a say; it’s her home too and her baby rhat could be effected

The baby's irrelevant really, why would you send someone with covid to any other household?

Also it's not his wife deciding when he can see his kids. It's his wife giving her opinion as on what's best for their baby. Of course he is going to be more invested in seeing your kids than she is

Wtf am i reading. Do you really need to ask? Why would you send your child with covid to another house? Just because it's not breaking any rules doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

I'm not worried about covid at all but I wouldn't want someone who knowingly had it coming to my house as I would be concerned about who I could potentially infect. You are being totally unreasonable.

Are you serious?

My initial thought was why should his wife get to say whether or not our DC can stay with their dad she shouldn't need to in this case. Dad should also be looking out for his child. He could suggest meeting up outside and chatting from a distance or something. Or popping by with a food parcel for you both. The stepmum is potentially an important influence in your child's life it's better if you all get on and treat each other with respect. She is an equal human being to you, as is her child. Yes it's between you and Dad to sort it out but why the fuck would you want to destroy any sort of goodwill from the stepmum by giving her and her child covid.

It’s her house too and just as it was polite for DC to inform their dad of their illness, it’s just common sense and courtesy for him to tell his wife even if there was no baby involved to be honest.

Even if babies weren't exceptionally vulnerable to covid (which they are), why would you send a child carrying it into a different household, spreading it further?

Has the last two years taught you nothing?!

Politeness isn't telling your ex your son has covid, it's responsibility.

Thank you.

I'm very very sorry but I'm the wife! My husband's ex has massively kicked off at the fact he asked me and I'd said I'd rather not have our baby catch Covid if possible. She thinks it's nothing to do with me and so on...

To be totally honest I was a bit nervous posting this as a step mother hence why I went for the infuriating reverse but I feel reassured!

And yes I agree my husband was an idiot for placing the decision on me. I've said that to him!

Your friend is right. You can't send you DS around to another house sick (even if it wasn't covid) especially if there is a small baby there.

She's extremely hostile towards me at the moment. Nothing is to do with me unless she wants something and then it is.

I tend to stay out of pretty much everything but in this scenario I wasn't sure where the line was drawn when it comes to something that would effect my child too.

Ahhh! A reversey! I'm also a stepmum and have been in a very similar situation so feel your pain.

Yes in this case your DH needs to be ultra careful at not dragging you into it by "asking you". He needs to say something like "no".

@Standards5 just saw your update. Well of course it is something to do with you. You'd be bringing covid into your house. Tell your DH to go back to his ex and tell her he agrees that it is too dangerous to expose the baby to covid. That he will make it up to DS when he is better and have him over on x date

For once @Standards5 I think the reverse was justified. I think replies would have been wildly different if you'd posted initially as a SM! Your husband is an arse though. Tell him to grow up and stop hiding behind your skirts...

Oh please. This can't be true, surely.

😡What a completely unnecessary reverse. Hate the bloody things.

Don’t worry about the reverse, step-mums do often get a hard time.

It sounds more about control. She needs to keep dc with her until he tests negative.