Is he / are they being unreasonable?

[Standards5]

DC is ill, informed their Dad to be polite as due at his house and he said he'd need to speak to his wife to check if she was okay with it as they have a baby.

My initial thought was why should his wife get to say whether or not our DC can stay with their dad but my friend I mentioned it to thinks she does have a right to look out for her baby.

Is this right?

Yes this would annoy me as much if not more than the ex. Why is he unsure if he should risk one child's health (and yours) to see his other child. Presumably he can arrange to speak to his child in a video call and have them round when they are better.

You are still suppose to isolate if you have covid, they just cant force it anymore. Its utterly selfish to go around deliberately spredding it.

I got covid after everything re-opened and now have long covid and lung problems but Im glad whoever passed it to me just didnt want to be inconvenianced by a week at home I mean why should my health or life matter I only the care giver for 3 children who could be left without a mother.

If you want his dad to stay then you could invite him to YOUR house but of course you cant infect her, her house and her baby... the fuck is wrong with you.

Poor kid. What kind of parents wants to ship them off to another house, making them travel even a short journey when they are sick

is this a joke, OP? Of course they have a right to say no, I wouldn’t allow someone with covid to stay with me when I have a baby at home.

I mean… seriously?

O…k. Just read update and no clue why it was originally explained backwards.

I suspected, from other threads on here, that the replies would have been completely different if I'd outwardly said I was a SM who'd said they didn't want their stepchild to stay when ill.

Not if you mention the word “Covid” lol!

I know that we’re self managing Covid now and there must be lots of people out and about who unknowingly have it, but if you know your child has it then it’s’ irresponsible to send them to another household and potentially infect everyone, including a young baby.

Argh what's with the reverse OP? No one would have said it was OK to send a child with Covid into another household. Even without the baby it would be a bad idea. You may not get very ill with it but could potentially be off work a few days. It would just make sense to limit spreading it around. With a baby of course he can't come to your house.

Why would you send a child with covid to someone else’s house, especially one with a small baby? Just keep them with you until they are feeling better, no point in making others I’ll if you don’t need too.

You are in a blended family, all adults should benefit from being part of a larger support team and be able to work together for everyone's best life. Or?

You would be surprised. Back in the early days of the pandemic there was a lot of discussions like this on the stepparent board and yes, some people did think it was tough, the contact was more important than the health of anyone else.

They are right not to have DC over, I think your ex is being quite polite in even saying he’ll check with other half about it. If anyone has an infectious disease the right thing to do is to stay put and not spread it around, baby or no baby. I completely understand why you might think it’s you exes duty to share care even when he’s sick, but really I think it’s best not to even ask for him to put his household at higher risk of infection, not fair on your DC either I’m afraid.

Covid 19 is still very new and we don’t know what long term effects it could have on an infant, but brain imaging of older children post Covid suggests there may yet be long term consequences.

You should want to protect her baby, you are all connected through your children..

You would be surprised. Back in the early days of the pandemic there was a lot of discussions like this on the stepparent board and yes, some people did think it was tough, the contact was more important than the health of anyone else.
Yes - & the amount of sm's who got absolutely FLAMED by the first wives club for daring to suggest they didn't want sdc coming over while they (the sdc) had covid was bonkers!
I can totally understand the reverse op.

I think you are completely reasonable to say no as you have a baby.

But reverses don’t work. Because if you were actually the mother, you may have put other details in which would suggest the father needs to actually do something other than skip his weekend.

like she won’t be able to work and will need to make up the hours, so your husband will need to make up the time he has missed.

that the child is really upset and wants more time with their dad, when they are well. So your husband needs to organise something.

bot saying it’s any of these. But when we try and tell a story from someone else’s perspective, then we often miss out a lot of stuff that they would feel is impacting the situation.

@Standards5 ah just read the update. Okay so part of why it’s slightly annoying that you reversed it is the fact that people are spending time giving advice which definitely won’t be used or be very helpful. All you get from it is vindication, but you of course knew you were right before posting, had you described it honestly you might have gotten some useful advice on how to handle your husband and his ex.

I would keep child at home, would not be sending covid round to a 10 month old baby. Surprised you are even asking this tbh!

Your husband has been massively unreasonable by essentially telling his ex that it's up to you.
HE should have stood up and said that children with covid stay in the household they're in when they get ill or test positive (and that goes both ways) until better.

The mother shouldn't contemplate spreading Covid unnecessarily to anyone, including you and your husband - let alone a small baby.

Just read the reverse update! Your husband should have said no straight away and she shouldn't even have asked in the 1st place!

And yet over the last two years there have been a number of cases on here where people have indeed told stepparents that they should welcome children with covid into their home.

You are being unreasonable. It was unfair of you to automatically assume it is okay to send a kid with Covid19 to stay in a house with a 10-month old baby. If it was my baby, I wouldn't be okay with that at all. Not with the baby being so little.

Step mums get the hardest time on here. Posters will tie themselves in knots to ensure a step mum is given a bashing and come out with the most convoluted excuses as to why the OP is wrong and evil, I can see why OP did it.

And you think it’s acceptable to have them go to another house?

You aren’t just being unreasonable, you are being a complete cunt.