Is he / are they being unreasonable?

[Standards5]

DC is ill, informed their Dad to be polite as due at his house and he said he'd need to speak to his wife to check if she was okay with it as they have a baby.

My initial thought was why should his wife get to say whether or not our DC can stay with their dad but my friend I mentioned it to thinks she does have a right to look out for her baby.

Is this right?

It sounds sensible to me. I wouldn't want an older child with measles / chickenpox around my baby, for example. I also wouldn't want a child with COVID around my baby! Why would you risk it? Would you be happy if the scenario was reversed?

But you could offer to take the child for some extra time after they have recovered from Covid so that the Mum can have a bit of a break.

That will all depend if the father is off work to look after his child. OP won’t owe the ex a break.

I don't know. I think it's reasonable to not want covid spread to a new household, but he is still her father with parenting responsibilities. If this refusal means mum needs to take time of work, I think dad needs to find a way to care for her that doesn't impact your household. If mum can do it now, he needs to offer extra days another time.

I don't mind reverse threads and can completely see why they're needed. If you'd posted as the SM you've have been vilified

OP you're being really unreasonable. Nobody wants COVID, especially not a baby

ffs of course yabu to send a child with covid into a house with a baby

Ugh just seen it's a reverse.

My reaction would be the same either way, ridiculous to send a child with covid into another household father or not, keep it contained for Christ sake

Mum's work does not come above the health of DC and SM and indeed dad. If DSC was with dad and came down with covid I wouldn't be expecting mum to have to get involved. Unless one parent is too ill to look after the DSC there is no need whatsoever for the other to be exposed and potentially get very ill. Even mild covid can lead to long covid and I know from personal experience that can be an absolute life changer.

But yes he should offer/ask for more time once DSC is better.

No need for the reverse! 🙄
Noone would think it’s ok to send a covid positive child to stay with a baby, whatever the parental circumstances.
Not commenting further due to the reverse 🙄 ffs grow up

Standards5

Totally understandable reverse. I think "isolate if you can" guidance is the appropriate here as others have said.

See previous comments. SMs were often told in the early days that tough the contact is sacrosanct regardless of the consequences of getting covid (at that time very much unknown).

I think if you've ever read a thread with this scenario posted without the reverse, you'd understand why it's necessary... Unfortunately!

YABVU to expect to send a child with covid to another household that where there is an infant. If someone came to my house knowing that they had covid I would be livid.

Maybe I’m just too nice and understanding 😉 .. to me, family dynamics doesn’t make a difference, natural, step, half, whatever … we’re all just made up of different circumstances, it shouldn’t matter who’s who … I truly don’t get why step parents are vilified.

But this reverse for me, just wasn’t necessary.

Duh…it was the most obvious reverse ever.

kid has covid, kid should stay at the household he has already ‘potentially’ infected.

kid’s mum being spiteful because her ex has new ‘perfect’ life?

@Standards5 read all your posts.

Do not let DSD into your house when she has covid.

There are ongoing studies into long covid at the moment with 15% of children having long term issues on average (range 8-50% depending on the study). The results of long term implications will not be put until about 2026. And it is as yet unclear as to whether milder variants have milder long term effects.

In any event the reason recent variants are more transmissible is due to changes in proteins interacting with the innate immune system. The innate immune system in children is what has protected them from more adverse effects. ie the virus is now evolving to overcome the innate immune system (probably as the barrier of vaccination in the adult population has pushed evolution in this direction).

Don’t let the girl in your house for a few weeks until you can be certain she is clear. And overall remain cautious, we are still mid pandemic.

I have a DSD and know her mum would let us know and wouldn’t sent her down unwell let alone covid!!! You’re being very unreasonable here

I had this exact situation at Christmas, except my baby was 5 months then and partners ex didn't bother to tell us that DSD had been in very close contact with someone who had tested positive for Covid. Guess what? We all got Covid at Christmas. I was livid with her for not even mentioning it to us, just because she was worried we'd stop DSD coming over and it would have spoilt her childfree plans over Christmas.

My baby was fine, but it meant I couldn't see any of my relatives over Christmas. Me and the baby could have gone and stayed at my mums to isolate if we'd have had warning.

I think she's being a dick by kicking off, but at least she's warned you. Can you go somewhere to isolate? Go stay with some family and explain the situation? I'm sure no one would want to see your baby with Covid. Except, perhaps, your partners ex... 😏

I can totally see why this was a reverse. Stepmums are always in the wrong on here, that's why I very rarely post anything to do with my SD.
But I stand by what I said earlier, mum is being selfish and it's totally reasonable for you to not want your young baby or any of you to catch Covid.

@Standards5 Also, a bunch of nutters regularly come on mumsnet citing chickenpox as a more serious condition than covid, with a greater chance of death. In 2020/21 4x more kids died of covid than chicken pox.

Would you have her round a baby with chicken pox - no you wouldn’t, so you definitely wouldn’t with covid!!

Sorry Dh ex is being so unreasonable and irresponsible. And that you felt the reverse was necessary.
I hope you are able to stand your ground. I have had family be equally crap and disrespectful over my DS who is vulnerable…. They completely discounted it and my qualifications in this area which really pissed me off!! Really empathise, do what’s best for your baby x

That’s terrible what happened to you, how completely thoughtless of your OHs ex. I think OP can’t just isolate though, because there’s every chance the father would pick it up and pass it on to mother and baby, so the stepchild can’t enter that house until they’re clear imho.

You are being very unreasonable here to send your child anywhere and remember its your child's half sibling and wouldn't want to risk their health

To be fair, I can see it from both sides. Both parents need to step up when a child is Ill, covid or not. If my first child has covid, I can’t just lock them outside so that they don’t infect the younger one, you just have to parent as best as you can so I feel the dad needs to step up.
However, I can see why with Covid, it changes things a bit, if the child is already in one home with covid, it good for them to remain there till they are no longer infectious but I can see things from mum’s perspective, and to be fair, most people are no longer self isolating for Covid these days anyway

Also as a SM I completely see why you reversed the thread.

It's weird that some people get so emotionally invested in other people's threads that they actually get annoyed enough to tell the OP off for not mentioning things, either purposefully or accidentally. I often wonder if maybe they've had a drink or two...

For once I totally back the use of a reverse.

Had OP come at this from her position of stepmother, certain posters would have been falling all over themselves to say how a child, even a Covid-riddled child, has a right to be at their father’s house and as a mere stepmother, she should back off.

Then she’d have been accused of hating her ‘poor’ stepchild. And criticised for having another child with a man who already had children. And then told she hated her stepchild again…