...to think that most people live near family?

[ImplementingTheDennisSystem]

DH and I moved 4 years ago to a beautiful little town in an area we love, and have worked hard to establish a great social network here. We have no links to the area and our family are all scattered and hours away from us. There is no central family 'hub' for us to move to.

But I'm having a wobble having had the realisation that most people I know - both here and elsewhere - live near family. Family is the focus of activity for so many friends and forms a key part of their social lives (and obligations). I'm feeling a bit dislocated and worried that friendships are potentially a bit fleeting compared to the solidity of family. People will understandably always prioritise their family, so will that leave me feeling continually sidelined?

Have you successfully built a life nowhere near family? If so, how do you feel about this and does your situation feel 'solid'?

Totally different in big cities, esp London. Very few young families around here have family close by. Makes it tough for them but yes friendships count for a lot.

I don't, I find it a little weird when people's lives revolve around their extended family. I guess my family just aren't that close but my DH and DC are all very happy with our social network we've built for ourselves.

We haven’t lived near our families for around 20 years.
Its not an issue.

We aren’t near family but I’ve built a good support network; we do frequently see our family but over a weekend

I just posted elsewhere saying we're moving closer to family, and yes I know what you mean. The people I know here are often going for lunch with sister or mum and for me that would mean 100 miles by road.

What has made me feel more sidelined to be honest is just growing up, people getting jobs elsewhere, and us all having families. Many of my friends' husbands seem to dislike me 😂and once children come along no one has any time to meet up anyway.

We were all encouraged to go off to uni and make careers etc but I found
-this has not led to a long term higher earning reality
-meant I put off children until it was almost a bit late
-friends mostly drifted
-moved away from family

I asked my dad how many friends he has and he said "none, and I love it" I think he meant that it meant a peaceful life! But he's a man and they're all a bit alien to me!

We're in Scotland. My family is in NZ, DH's family in the South of England.

There were tough times when the DC were small, but generally we are very happy here. We have a lovely group of friends, and support from my church congregation.

I'm in EU, sister in NZ so neither of us near family, nor our spouse's! Totally normal for us.

We have local friends, DH a 10yo godson of local good friends, DS has a big circle of friends and we're friends with parents, neighbours etc.

Did I type friends enough? 😄

I never did. No siblings, parents now gone, as are uncles and aunts. It's what you know and are used to, I suppose.

We live 4 hours away from family and enjoy the independence. Childcare would be nice but we like having our own lives and not needing to be around parents for everything.

I grew up 300 miles from my grandparents and at 18 moved 230 miles from my parents. I lived there for 30 years before emigrating. I can't imagine living near my family.

Most people I know don't live particularly near their family. We moved 4 hours away from our nearest family 8 years ago. We still prioritise family more than friends. We're in contact a lot and see each other when we can.

I grew up on the opposite side of the world to my family.

Now I live a few minutes from the IL's and about 40 minutes from my parents. I definitely prefer it this way - I hated being raised away from all of my cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I was an only child and while I never wanted siblings, I always wished I had SOME family to spend time with.

I havent lived near my family since I left home to go to university 35 years ago, my friends are a mix of uni friends who don’t live near family, and a few who do.

I don’t have a huge family, we aren’t big on family get togethers for the sake of it. We did have a lovely family tea party at Easter to celebrate the 10th anniversary of my son’s adoption and his 18th birthday, there will be a couple of Christenings this year, I see my parents regularly but not often.
It’s my friends I rely on really, feels solid enough to me

I live alone 150 miles away from family by choice

Not lived near family since I left for university. Where I live, my friends are a mixture of those who grew up here and have family around, and those who've moved here and don't live near family.

Don't mean to be dramatic, but my family are dead now, so I couldn't live near them even if I wanted to. I've made myself a circle of people who are as good as family.

I'm surrounded by family and couldn't imagine it any other way. They are my main support system. But I definitely feel that spending time with and visiting family became our priority and as a result our friendships suffered as we didn't have/make time for them x

I live near all my family and DPs family. I love to see them all. I guess it depends how much you love or like your families.

I haven't lived near my family since I went to Uni at 18 - they live a plane or ferry journey away. My parents didn't live near their families either.

DH didn't live near his parents after school and his siblings live in the USA and London.

None of my close friends live near their families either. Half of me finds it quite strange to live near your family while the other half is occasionally envious!!

We moved away from family, only about 2 hours but we are a close family and visited all the time. Then my DM got sick and we moved home to be close to her. I would never move away again. Love being close to my family and my ILs.

In some areas it is. But not for the majority of the country.

I'm in Cambridge (the hint's in the user name!) and most people I know moved here to work or study. Among DC's friends only about half have family nearby, and only one of their parents grew up here (other families moved at some point, sometimes following their children after retirement).

That means that it's relatively easy to make friends and find a support network. Those I know who've moved elsewhere say they've often found it harder as they've moved somewhere where most people have extended family nearby. So it really varies - as pp said, London is probably similar to Cambridge, but other places will be much more 'settled'.

My brother and his family live a short walk from DParents house. Husband and I live about 20 minutes buy bus from his dad and step-mum. But I live about 80 miles from my DParents.

I hope to move back near my family again but DH isn't keen. He likes where he is now.

We have very little family.my parents both died before I was 30 and before we had DD, my DH has his mum and stepdad who live close but that's the full extent of our family.

IME this varies a lot depending on what area of the country you’re in. In London and the south east it’s extremely common for people to have no family nearby.

I don't live near my family at all. Actually my siblings are spread about the country and my mum still back where we grew up. I needed to move away somewhere to bring up my child. I am about 2 hours drive away so regularly go to see my mum or my sister.