...to think that most people live near family?

[ImplementingTheDennisSystem]

DH and I moved 4 years ago to a beautiful little town in an area we love, and have worked hard to establish a great social network here. We have no links to the area and our family are all scattered and hours away from us. There is no central family 'hub' for us to move to.

But I'm having a wobble having had the realisation that most people I know - both here and elsewhere - live near family. Family is the focus of activity for so many friends and forms a key part of their social lives (and obligations). I'm feeling a bit dislocated and worried that friendships are potentially a bit fleeting compared to the solidity of family. People will understandably always prioritise their family, so will that leave me feeling continually sidelined?

Have you successfully built a life nowhere near family? If so, how do you feel about this and does your situation feel 'solid'?

Yabu to assume people have family. Many of us don't.

I live in London and not far from my family. It would be a dealbreaker to be far from them.

What about your own children do you really want them moving away from you to see them once or twice a year. I would never ever stop mine but would be pleased if they wanted to stay close to me. I love them they are the most important things in my life why wouldn't I want them close.

My children are the most important things in my life too, so I want them to go and live where they want to live, and experience life outside the area where they've been brought up.

Whats wrong with where you brought them up. Do so many people live in places that their kids wouldn't want to live in. The city I live in is a great place to live and yes they may well want to go elsewhere but it's not a given.

@Glitterspy

Generally speaking most of the interesting people I know live nowhere near family.

^^ what a ridiculous statement even if it is 'generally speaking'. What makes someone who doesn't live near their family more interesting?

I moved away from home nearly 30 years ago and have never regretted it.

My family are all 2.5 hours away so not a huge distance.

I did have moments of envy when the dses were little because my mum provided childcare to both my siblings dc but nothing would have persuaded me to move back and we have become very self reliant which I like.

I don't. Parents are 2 hours drive away, sister is 45 minutes. Extended family are either further, and although we're friendly when we do meet up, it's a "once a year jobby" and more out of obligation than desire. I suspect that when the generation above us all pass away, contact beyond facebook and christmas cards will be basically non-existent, apart from the once in a blue moon "I'm in your neck of the woods for another reason, want a coffee?" type gatherings.

I didn't grow up with family around either. One set of GPs were an hour away, the others were 2 hours plus. No cousins close by either. So it isn't the "norm" for me to be in regular physical contact with family.

Myself nor my ex husband live near our respective families and didn't when together and are currently in the same city as each other without plans to leave. It's never really been an issue although with young children I have often felt it would be lovely to be closer, but in reality I wouldn't want to live where my family do.

We are in a major city, and so actually in dc's school I don't know of any of their friends who's family is here close by either.

Ive lived most of my adult life in a different country to my immediate family (I have a few cousins where I live now but only really know one of them).
It's been fine, and WhatsApp has been great as I now feel more connected to my sisters and we can discuss family stuff rather than worrying about expensive phone calls.
When my parents retired they did spend six months a year in my country which was great. As they aged I did worry as they spent another six months in a country that none of us lived in and sure enough my father did have a stroke there and it was very hard on my sisters who flew back and forth several times (he eventually passed away).
My own parents didn't live in the same country as their families either.

Yes, most around here have family near by.
Mine are in another country

Omg this is so cruel. So sorry! Why couldn't you live with your aunt too? 😥

We chose to move near family when we started our family as I wanted kids to have relative around them. It's different for everyone

Recently I met and married a truly wonderful man. I'm almost mid 40s and he's mid 50s. We are currently house hunting and trying to find an area where we can put down roots. Find a good church, make life long friends and our children when we have them will consider living not more than 2hrs away. For this reason we don't want to move outside the home counties. Of course no one knows the future but one must try to plan for it

I'm rather confused by this. You don't yet have children at 45 & 55, but are planning them at some point? And how can you say they won't move more than 2 hours away? You have zero control over this.

The City I was born in, I still know a lot of people and so many have never moved away. So they are all near parents and siblings and all have friends they've known since Primary School. They all socialise together frequently.

I moved away very young though, to follow my (then) DH who had a really good job, some 2 hours away. His very good career meant that we moved around the country quite a bit, eventually settling some 6 hours away from "home". I've been away now for over 30 years, and I have never been forgiven by my sibling for "leaving them", despite me always keeping in touch, visiting regularly, and meeting up in various locations for long weekends. It would appear that I have committed a crime against humanity, and things became so toxic, that a while ago, I had to cease all contact. My family was quite dysfunctional growing up and I had no desire to live in each others pockets and let that play out until I'm elderly.

My own children are now adults, and neither lives where we are - one is 30 minutes away in a major City, the other is in the USA. Good for them - they are living the dream.

I have never wanted relatives that close by that they can spring visits on you. DH family (2nd DH, not the one I moved around with), is 30 - 60 minutes away, and that's close enough thanks!

@XelaM my aunt is a nurse and unmarried so for her a new born baby would've been more suitable to foster/adopt. She lived very far from where I went to school. Thanks for your empathy.

mine and DH’s siblings have moved away but we still live close to our parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. All within a 10-15 minute drive. We regularly get together for birthdays, christenings, parties etc and I love it. I really take my hat off to anyone raising small children without family support. I find it truly invaluable.