To object to my manager arriving at my house

[HerveLeger]

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

Were you due to be working? Was she concerned that you had gone off radar, had she tried to call first?

"Hello, is that the police? Yes, I'd like you to pop round to see one of my staff who hasn't come into the office today. She lives in the middle of nowhere, but don't worry the door will be open. Thanks."

I voted YANBU but I’d love to hear the story from your manager’s perspective and her justification for dropping round. She may have panicked and done it in good faith.

Unfortunately in a previous job we had a young guy who didn’t turn up for work one morning. A colleague who knew where he lived offered to drop round, thinking he’d slept through his alarm or something. They found him dead in his flat - sudden adult death. His family lived out in the country and if his colleague hadn’t thought to call round it would’ve been days before he’d been found.

When you say you “weren’t present at work”, were you meant to be but didn’t show up/log in?

I think that’s the key here.

if you had the afternoon off, fair enough, she is totally weird and out of order.

if you just didn’t show up and haven’t been contactable then she is in the right. If I don’t show up for work and don’t answer the phone, a manager would be sent to my address ASAP- not even necessarily my manager, could be anyone who is free.

We have a shockingly high suicidal rate in my job, so I 100% support this.

Its never happened to me, up I know a few people who have had awkward pajama wearing conversations when they’ve written their shifts down wrong!

Ignoring front door and leaving it unlocked - weird.
Her letting herself in - also weird.

Sorry but this is incredibly inappropriate and weird behaviour. I’d be going straight to HR!

That was so astoundingly inappropriate of her. How did she even have your address? Did you give it to her?

Every place I have worked an employee’s address is kept confidential.

BTW I also live in the middle of nowhere, leave my doors unlocked, don’t answer the door if I don’t want to, but would be furious T someone letting themselves in.

Sounds like she was genuinely worried about you. Just answer the door!

This is why normal people answer the door. YABU.

"Sure, we'll get round next tuesday"

I can see both sides here.
I have been the line manager of people affected by mental illness and sometimes my welfare checks were the difference between them getting help or not.
if she’s a caring person she’ll be wanting to make sure you’re ok.

As a manager it is a very difficult call.

I’ve been that manager - or rather, was the manager currently running a team and the current team were v concerned as X, one of their former colleagues, had uncharacteristicly dropped off the radar, was last known to have been going through a very tough time. they had serious concerns for this person’s welfare.

they didn’t know what to do and came to me.

I spoke to HR and made some quiet enquiries and it turned out they had good reason to be concerned and we decided as this person’s most recent employers we had a duty of care.

I was on the point of organising a police welfare check (after a very worrying afternoon of discovering just how far off the radar X had fallen) when they engaged, and agreed to be visited by an ex colleague.

if I had been this person’s active manager and had known the home address I would have phoned, then called round of there was no answer. Not sure I would have let myself in, but if I was really worried I would have, calling out hello all the time.

another manager colleague did a duty of care visit when a colleague who lived alone failed to show for work and didn’t answer emails or calls. Again, right call, as this person needed urgent medical attention.

so while thankfully you were well OP, I can see why a caring manager might call round then open the door and come in “shouting to you as the they went” just in case.

equally, I think it is entirely appropriate for you to say how unwelcome and inappropriate you found this and ask for it not to happen again.

A difficult one.

I can understand you being annoyed but as you’ve said she’s a lovely person who has always been supportive I think she was worried about you and wanted to make sure you were ok.

As for letting herself in, as the door was unlocked and you hadn’t answered I think she was worried whether you were ok.

Weird - yes. Overstepping - absolutely.
But also you perhaps should lock your back door if it is that easily accessible. I am assuming she didn’t scale a fence or climb a gate and it’s pretty easy to access the back of your house.

It sounds to me as though she was worried about you. If I was worried about someone and they didn't answer the door but it was unlocked I would probably have gone inside. Maybe in future just answer the door!!! I will never understand this ridiculous MN fear of answering the door, and only on MN would people complain about someone daring to show they cared about someone's welfare.

I was all for being aghast at your boss
calling round, but actually it seems they were genuinely concerned for you.

No phone call beforehand, not phoning even when no answer at the door. You could have a family member in the bathroom, not appropriately dressed for someone to visit. The manager could have been seen as an intruder and someone in the house do something to stop them- some people would be violent towards an intruder without a second thought.

100% unreasonable and you should get a guarantee that this will never happen again.

My mums best friends life was saved like this. She was strange on a work call, they went to check and she’d had a stroke and saved her

I think your boss sounds lovely and clearly
cares about you. Speaking kindly here, I think you have taken this the wrong way and perhaps she was really worried about you?

Well it depends on whether you were expected at work and just didn’t turn up or log on and weren’t answering the phone plus the extent of your mental health problems.

I went with another colleague to a colleagues house when they didn’t show up at work for two days and weren’t answering the phone, she was an alcoholic and when we turned up the front door was open so we knocked no one answered and we let ourselves in. Good job we did as her husband had beat her and gone on holiday and she’d gone on a huge bender and needed to be hospitalised.

Normal for friends to do this where I live, but you would announce your arrival.

Not enough info in the OP to say. Did the manager try to call? Did she have a legitimate reason to be concerned? Had you ignored texts/emails, etc?

I can just maybe understand ignoring your front door. But I do not understand ignoring the front door, then leaving the back door unlocked.

How do you know manager didn't call first?

This happened to me too! About 10 years ago my boss turned up at my house on a saturday night - she wanted me to come into work on sunday (my hours were mon-fri) and (because she was shit at being organised) had lost my phone number. I was so angry. It felt like a violation of my personal space, like there was nowhere I could get away from her, not even my own home. Massively overstepping and so unprofessional.

Overstepping the boundary. Our HR won't give Managers their direct reports home addresses.

So in my case, they would need to call the police for a welfare check if I was concerned.