To object to my manager arriving at my house

[HerveLeger]

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

OP has disappeared. Should someone go round to check in on her?

Tbh, no manager wants to doorstep their employee. There has got to be a massive backstory which the OP is not telling us.

I live alone and I am very independent, if I died or something happened to me, the only one that would notice my absence within 48 hrs is my boss. I would be grateful if she had taken the trouble to drive to mine to check I am ok.

I understand you saw her in the morning but if she has supported you through your mental health issues she may be forgiven for wanting to check if your recent behaviour raised some flags for her.

I think you're batshit for not answering your door.

same with me i also dont answer the door if I am eg. in bed sleeping or in a bath. also a work colleage can email to get an answer.

This is extremely unprofessional and strange behaviour from your manager.

I would lodge a grievance if someone from my work let themselves into my home. Just wow.

Loads of people do this, it is not uncommon.

Walking into a work colleague's house with no invitation is extremely unusual.

I can imagine my old manager doing something like this. She was more of a friend than a manager. Very caring. I would be a bit taken aback if she did this but wouldn't complain about it.

It sounds to me like she was being caring, was worried about you and yes overstepped the mark but not in a malicious way. Did she try calling you first?

Just learn from it. Start locking your door and start answering it.

Put it into context where I worked a man hadn’t called in sick on a Wednesday, no contact on the phone, line manager went to his house and he’d died - I can still remember seeing him at the train station the evening before

I don't answer my door if I'm not expecting anyone/a delivery, either. Why should I? I don't enjoy having people in my home unless I'm "psyched up" for it - I might be sleeping, doing yoga, immersed in a book that's far more interesting than someone who knows me so little that they'd turn up unexpectedly.

Also, I have a perfectly good 'phone with a facility to leave a message, why would anyone I'd want to see not have the good manners to call first to see if it was convenient for them to come around?

Having said that: OP I think your manager was probably worried about your mental health as you say she thought you sounded "off" and she knows you've had difficulties previously. So, not fun for you to have her let herself in, but I suspect it came from a real concern for you.

That's creepy. Or if she really was worried about you, she could stay at the door for her welfare check, she didn't have to foist herself on you and come in.

She could have just phoned you.

And yep, plenty of people don't answer the door when they're not expecting anyone.

Yeah that would look great at the inquest wouldnt it. "I was concerned my colleague might be in danger of harming herself so I emailed" 🤔

I live around the corner from both a Mosque and a Kingdom Hall, I seem to have someone trying to help me find one god or another coming to my door weekly (a slight exaggeration but it feels like it). We also get a lot of cold callers and prison reform sellers. I don't go because it's just an awkward encounter I like to avoid.

I generally don't answer if I'm not expecting anyone or don't recognise the car etc. It's really very normal.

@HerveLeger I don’t think you are being unreasonable…

But what is the backstory with the mental health problems, if they are significant enough that you’ve caused harm to yourself in the past and your line manager is aware then they are probably just being a decent human.

Say you appreciate them caring but would prefer they call first if concerned in further. Reassure you are in a different place, have adequate support family/professionally (hopefully you do!!). And lock your blooming door, could have been any headcase entering.

I will never be more grateful that a work place cared so much about their staff - my mum worked from home and hadn’t checked in for work. I had a phone call from them at midday to tell me. Turned out mum had had a pulmonary embolism and was lay dead at the bottom of her stairs. If they hadn’t of contacted me my daughter who was 16 at the time would have found granny when she went over after college.

Be honoured that your work care about you too.

Do you live on your own? My next door neighbour’s boss did what your boss did although her back door wasn’t unlocked. He knocked on my door and we got a ladder to her bedroom window that was open. Clearly most on here would think that was over stepping but we found her dead. I’m so glad we did as we did everything we could in trying to resuscitate her/called an ambulance and her son was due to visit two days later. I’m so glad he didn’t walk in and find his mum.

I’ve never understood why mnetters don’t answer their front door. It’s totally bizarre to me. I’d be grateful someone cared enough to check on me.

My mum discovered her boss's body at her home when she didn't come to work after a Bank Holiday weekend many years ago. She said she knew something terrible had happened when she didn't come in or call.

But yes she should have tried calling first.

Ok so she thought something was ‘off’ in the morning team meeting then you were not at work in the afternoon?

Did you say you were not going to be in? Or tell her that you were off sick for the afternoon?

She was clearly worried about you. If she’s generally caring and supportive then please don’t complain. She meant no harm.

if more people cared about employees’ mental health we wouldn’t have so many suicides / suicide attempts in this country.

Useful to know Can an employer make unannounced visits to homeworkers

If your boss was worried about your welfare, it looks like it might not have been unreasonable to visit, though only if she had tried to contact you first.

Did your line manager turn up for a specific reason? Was she apologetic for letting herself in? Had she tried to contact you beforehand? Unless it was for an important reason she shouldn’t have come into your house.

My manager turned up at my house when I was on annual leave once. She did at least give me a couple of hours' notice but I didn't have any choice in it.

Utterly bizarre behaviour and crossing all professional boundaries.

I live in the middle of nowhere too. In fact I wonder if we have the same manager!!

I’m another one that doesn’t answer the door if it’s unexpected. I’m a bit socially awkward, and if it’s during work hours also don’t want the interruption. So that bit I understand.

Otherwise I’m assuming big back story here. OP glosses over disappearing from work for half the day 🤷🏻‍♀️

People say she should have called - but as OP has plopped and run, we don’t know that her boss didn’t.

It’s overstepping the mark.
But she may have had reason to believe that you were in danger, and she was worried enough to react.

I have MH issues too, unfortunately at some point last year I started hearing voices telling me to Kill myself.
I was calling in sick to my boss and broke down telling him about the voices.
He told me first to call my husband and get him home, and next call the GP.
He texted and called me constantly until my husband was home.
I think that if I hadn’t answered he would have called the police (he doesn’t live nearby)

Under normal conditions I would say: heck no, it's not normal! Call their boss!
If you have MH issues (which you've made known or you just can't hide) and/or skipped work without informing anyone...: manager's a worrier, forgive and forget. Maybe they know sb who committed suicide and feel guilty about that so overstepped the mark with you.

Most line managers do a welfare check if they are genuinely concerned…they call and don’t turn up on your doorstep!! Definitely overstepping the mark !