To object to my manager arriving at my house

[HerveLeger]

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

I assume you don't leave your doors unlocked then. Because people far worse the those you know can let themselves in.

You'd be furious that your manager was concerned for your safety and checked you were ok?

Really?

A colleague phoned me to give me an update as she was off sick. She lived on her own. She sounded dizzy and confused. Another colleague and I decided to pop round to see her. We didn’t break in - she let us in. Immediately we could see she was very poorly. She was sleepy. We called a ambulance. We found out the next day she was having massive liver failure. I would do it again if I was worried about a colleague.

That @Feelingoktoday is the right way to do that though.

Feel worried
Make a phone call
Still feel worried?
Make a visit

Not just leap to make a visit because summink summink and especially not just to walk in.

I once had to contact a colleague's relative (I didn't know the relative) on Facebook messenger as the colleague hadn't turned up for work by about midday, lived alone and could be depressive.

If the colleague's relative hadn't answered my message, my next step would have been to go round to knock at the colleagues house. I'm not sure if I would have tried to let myself in, however we were all really worried about the colleague so I can see how this happens.

The colleague's relative got in with spare key, and it turned out the colleague had drunk so much the previous night that they'd slept through their alarm (functioning alcoholic).

I think she did the right thing, expecially as you mentioned previous MH issues. A colleague of a friend had such visits, as she went through bad spells, told no-one, and would often go missing and be found wandering round the streets or on the verge of seriously harming herself.
You didn't answer the door, she wasn't to know that wasn't because you were injured or too unwell to get to it. She didn't come in and threaten you, it sounds quite harmless.

Huge overstep. Calling police for a welfare check might have been appropriate though given your description only seems like an overreaction.
What data did she access to find out your address? That doesn’t seem right either.

As a low level supervisor myself and my line manager almost did this to one of our staff. She was known to have a history of MH issues and we were aware she had not been in a good place, we had all tried to get hold of her through txts/phone calls to no success (over a period of a couple of days) although we could see she was seeing the txts. We agreed if nobody had a reply by a certain time we were going round to check on her. If she hadn't answered the door and it was open then we probably would have let ourselves in, calling out as we did so. Thankfully we did manage to get a response from her.
All done out of extreme concern for her and her family.

Keep your door locked then! Always baffled at people on mumsnet who leave doors unlocked.

You'd be furious that your manager was concerned for your safety and checked you were ok?

Really?

Her manager showed up unannounced and let herself into the OP's house. That is GROSSLY inappropriate, however well intentioned. If she was genuinely concerned for the IP's safety she should have called the OP's emergency contact person, and failing that the police for a welfare check.

My Nan knocked on her neighbours door when her husband had a fall. I couldnt imagine ignoring someone knocking on my door.

If it's someone you dont want, just say no thanks. But equally it could be someone who needs help, or indeed checking that you're alive and okay after a concerning call.

I think her intentions were good OP

Also, does everyone who has had mental health issues in the past lose the right to decide who enters their home forever? Or just for a certain number of years?

You/we don't know that the manager didn't try to phone. OP doesn't answer the door unless she is expecting someone, stands to reason she doesn't answer the phone either.

And a welfare check can take hours to arrange, even pre-covid.

I know that if I was worried about someone and wasn't able to get hold of them I would go round and check, even if that meant letting myself into their house. It's not like the manager was round shouting at her for not being at work - it was to check what someone was actually ok and didn't need help.

Urgh another thread where the OP posts and disappears I presume.

A friend of a friend killed herself last year. Lived alone. She didn’t turn up to work (which I understand was very out of character for her). Her manager went to check she was ok, then rang her dad when she didn’t answer the door. I’m glad when people look out for each other.

Because this is MN, where people are weird.

The way you describe it her intentions were good.

But not really the correct way if doing things.

Well, no. But OP left her door unlocked and the manager came in as she was concerned... MH issues or not, if someone gets distressed at the thought of someone entering their home, it seems odd that they wouldn't simply lock their door.
I have MH issues and lock my door, so if I found myself in OP's situation, I could choose not to let the person in. 🤷‍♀️

Someone didn't turn up to my work one day and they have previous instances of very, very baf mental health struggles.
Couldn't get hold of them, manager went round to her house, couldn't get in, panicked and rang the police, who broke her in and found that my colleague had committed suicide the night before.

You are very lucky to have people who care about you. Answer the front door when someone knocks and for God's sake, lock your bloody back door for safety!

I do wonder if there are any mitigating circumstances?

A manager going round to see an employee who has had previous suicide attempts / goes AWOL when they are meant to be available and are uncontactable doesn't seem too intrusive.

A manager turning up on the doorstep because "they thought you sounded odd" with no other suspicious circumstances is just bizarre.

You don't need to divulge @HerveLegerbut I think there is more to it?

I do feel like there’s more to this.

Of course she crossed the boundaries BUT if I felt someone was at risk of self harm or suicide then I would have done the same.

I dont get how you are so anxious living in the middle of nowhere, that you won't open your door when someone knocks, yet leave the accessible back door unlocked?

She was concerned about you and went out of her way to check up on you.

While it does sound as though she had genuine concerns for you, I would be massively pissed off if I were you. If, as you say, you weren’t aware of anything which would have flagged up a cause for concern, then I would be asking why she thought there was. Then leave her in no doubt that you don’t expect it to happen again.

I think this was done out of genuine concern. Like others have said there was unfortunately a case in DHs workplace where someone wasn't contactable and when work were unable to make contact a welfare check was done and tragically the person had committed suicide. Obviously there is a back story and something was just off this morning at the meeting. It might even have been another colleague who mentioned it to the manager