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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my manager arriving at my house

434 replies

HerveLeger · 06/06/2022 19:34

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

OP posts:
GreenCard · 06/06/2022 19:45

We’re you off sick or disappeared from work? I think it actually sounds like it’s out of somewhere of concern and care.
why would you not answer the door? Surely if not expecting visitors it makes it more strange not too, could be the police or someone with a bunch of flowers. Get a ring doorbell if you’re worried.
it sounds like they were concerned you had harmed yourself.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/06/2022 19:45

Nidan2Sandan · 06/06/2022 19:43

Manager checking on her staff, okay a bit odd.

But not answering your own front door as you're not expecting a delivery?? That is frankly very odd behaviour.

Why? If you're not expecting anyone, and you don't want to speak to anyone, why answer your door? Where is this rule written down that we must always answer the door?

MagicTurtle · 06/06/2022 19:45

What did she say when you said "I'm fine"?

billy1966 · 06/06/2022 19:45

cadburyegg · 06/06/2022 19:42

I'm amazed at a few of the replies you've had so far! So your manager appeared unannounced at your house and let herself in?!? That sounds absolutely crazy!!! WTF! YANBU

This.

Unbelievable.

OP, had she any reason to believe you might actually take your life?

Because this is batshit and a HR matter IMO.

Stuckandinamess · 06/06/2022 19:46

As a manager, I have gone around to someone's house to check on them when they didn't arrive at work as expected and I couldn't get an answer on the phone. She lives alone and I was genuinely worried about them. Turned out to be OK but could have been the opposite.

If you didn't answer the door then this may have added to her concerns and if you leave it unlocked then anyone can walk in (to be honest, maybe locking it would be an idea- any random person with worse intentions than your manager could walk in). Did she call out your name or anything when she let herself in or was she literally just parked up on the sofa in your living room (which would be a bit weird)

SausagePourHomme · 06/06/2022 19:46

"But not answering your own front door as you're not expecting a delivery?? That is frankly very odd behaviour."

It's really, really not. I don't answer my door if I'm not expecting anyone. Noone i know would just turn up so i now its a canvasser or JWs

Merlott · 06/06/2022 19:47

OP is entitled to not answer the door if she wants!

Manager should have contacted HR to follow a formal procedure, most likely calling the police to request a wellness check.

SmartCarDriver · 06/06/2022 19:47

@SamphirethePogoingStickerist so do intruders knock before they come in? They wouldn't be so rude as to walk in an unlocked door?

bellac11 · 06/06/2022 19:47

When I read things like this it makes my stomach go over with anxiety and panic. The thought of someone turning up and letting themselves in, awful.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/06/2022 19:47

Stuckandinamess · 06/06/2022 19:46

As a manager, I have gone around to someone's house to check on them when they didn't arrive at work as expected and I couldn't get an answer on the phone. She lives alone and I was genuinely worried about them. Turned out to be OK but could have been the opposite.

If you didn't answer the door then this may have added to her concerns and if you leave it unlocked then anyone can walk in (to be honest, maybe locking it would be an idea- any random person with worse intentions than your manager could walk in). Did she call out your name or anything when she let herself in or was she literally just parked up on the sofa in your living room (which would be a bit weird)

If she were genuinely concerned, she should have called the police, not just walk into someone home without permission. FGS.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 06/06/2022 19:48

Had she tried calling you on the phone first?

luckylavender · 06/06/2022 19:49

I'm not sure. Managing people over Zoom is so much trickier when something is wrong.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 06/06/2022 19:50

That's weird and I wouldn't be ok with it. Massive overstep of boundaries by walking into your house and just weird as fuck

Hellocatshome · 06/06/2022 19:51

SausagePourHomme · 06/06/2022 19:46

"But not answering your own front door as you're not expecting a delivery?? That is frankly very odd behaviour."

It's really, really not. I don't answer my door if I'm not expecting anyone. Noone i know would just turn up so i now its a canvasser or JWs

Honestly on more than one occasion when I have answered the door when I wasn't expecting anyone it hasnt been JW or canvassers. It has been the police, the fire brigade, a neighbour in need of help etc. There are loads of reasons people knock on the door and it is sometimes in your best interests to answer it.

Dishwashersaurous · 06/06/2022 19:53

What do you mean not present?

Was she genuinely really worried about what you might do?

HollowTalk · 06/06/2022 19:54

I think she means not mentally present.

I know you must feel like it's a huge invasion of privacy but she must've been terribly worried.

Dishwashersaurous · 06/06/2022 19:54

I guess what we have been worse, her calling the police for a welfare check? Who probably would have done the same with an open door.

Or her doing it herself?

SausagePourHomme · 06/06/2022 19:55

That doesn't make it odd to not answer your door though does it?

CapMarvel · 06/06/2022 19:56

There is clearly a bit of a backstory here but regardless it sounds like she was genuinely worried about you and felt the need to go out of her way to check up on you. If you don't want people walking into your house, maybe answer the door?

I've not visited people's houses but I've certainly phoned recorded emergency contacts when staff have not turned up for work and are otherwise uncontactable - decent employers/co-workers look out for each other and this is all it sounds like it was.

NippyWoowoo · 06/06/2022 19:56

Octomore · 06/06/2022 19:38

I don't understand why you didn't answer the door?

Classic Mumsnet phenomenon. See also: not answering the phone, because they weren't expecting a call.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 06/06/2022 19:56

SmartCarDriver · 06/06/2022 19:47

@SamphirethePogoingStickerist so do intruders knock before they come in? They wouldn't be so rude as to walk in an unlocked door?

Huh? No idea what you are talking about.

Front door locked, not in use. Back door open cos it's the one I use to come in and out of. Perfectly normal where I am from. Even now, in the middle of a small town, my front door is locked and my back door wide open.

NightmareSituation · 06/06/2022 19:57

I also think your manager sounded concerned for your safety. In the past, I would probably have done the same thing. Slightly different circumstances, a girl I worked with had an awful home life (due to her boyfriend) and if I turned up, thought there was a case see of life or death I would absolutely have let myself in to her home.

Take a deep breath OP and appreciate that people care. X

Uncomplicated · 06/06/2022 19:58

Your manager sounds kind and caring. I would love it if my manager cared that much about me

RaginaPhalange · 06/06/2022 19:59

Very odd for a manager to do this. If my manager done this I wouldn't be pleased at all. As for not answering your door, I don't blame you I don't either unless I know I have a delivery or someone I know is coming round.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 06/06/2022 20:00

I think she came to check you were OK after previous MH problems, and when you didn't answer the door, she became even more worried, so thought she'd just try the door and see if it was open, when she found it was, she presumably stepped in and called out??? I live in the country and our back door is often left unlocked while my DH is at home, but when he goes out, because I'm disabled, I tell him to lock the door, in order to avoid just this type of scenario. If she'd found the door locked, and you still didn't answer your phone, she'd have doubtless called the police. It's all very well people saying she over stepped, but when you hear how long the police take to get to a robbery or domestic violence whilst in progress, surely you don't think they'd be rushing out just to check on the OP, far more sensible for her to check herself and then if she was unable to get a result ring the police to check.