To object to my manager arriving at my house

[HerveLeger]

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

I'm not sure I would be OK with this too OP - going forwards is there a way you can say "Done for today" etc. so she doesn't panic?

I like my private space to be private - but I am a bit weird like that!

She was an intruder and you could well have called the police on her. Totally out of order!

I was a teacher under one regime where the practice was to send a Senior round to "check you are OK" even after you'd phoned in. I lived in walking distance from the school and felt so intimidated any concept of getting a breath of fresh air while off sick was out of the question.
One absolute legend, on finding a Senior on their doorstep "politely enquiring as to their wellbeing and did they need anything?" answered in their PJs and handed over a shopping list for groceries and sent them shopping - I don't think they got visited again.
That is funny - entering your home is most definitely NOT funny and is a very serious matter and should be reported at the highest level. I hope you have a union.

Me, too. I'm afraid, though, that it isn't just in the UK where people are unconcerned about others.

I know, sadly some people are only concerned about their own lives and don't care about anyone else. However, where I live people still open their doors, and the care and concern shown about a missing boy here today shows that not everyone is self obsessed, thank goodness.

Well we don't know what happened after, OP has refused to respond despite being asked several times what exchange she and her manager had.

I expect because the manager's explanation is the backstory that OP won't share

Has anyone considered the manager was actually putting herself at risk by entering the property unannounced. Talking of being caring in other countries - imagine if this was America.

As a line manager you follow correct procedures to keep everybody safe. You can still be caring and compassionate without letting yourself in to somebodies house with no warning.

OP could have had a male visitor. Who could have assumed the manager was breaking and entering etc. You just don’t don this!

That's a massive reach and whataboutery! But you are so overinvested in this thread I am not surprised.

No good deed goes unpunished eh.

Op. Did you tell anyone at work that you were logging off and not working?

Otherwise all work know is that you didn't seem right at all in a meeting and then suddenly you are not contactable because you're not logged in. But you are supposed to be at work. So you can understand why someone might worry?

However, if you told people that you were logging off for a couple of hours then that sounds like an overreaction.

Which was it?

The OP does not say she was not contactable. She has a phone that she checked.
How do we know she has a job where it is monitored constantly whether she is ‘logged in’?That the minute she wants to go and do anything else she has to tell people she is not working?
She has said that she does over time frequently and therefore is owed hours back. Doesn’t sound like the kind of job where they check if she is online and if not then alarm bells ring.

Are we saying that when someone has logged off their computer for a few hours. Instead of a phone call or a message, the first call of action is to go over to their house and let yourself in. Bizarre.

This is not a bit odd. This is absurd behaviour on your manager part. She could have called you. Messaged you. Turn up on your door is beyond strange. I'd set some boundaries

You should be taking a grievance out about this. She should have phoned or emailed. She has no right to be v on your house. At the very least it is trespass and a breach of your privacy. Speak to your trade union rep or CAB.

This is getting wierder every time OP posts

Latest post says we're all getting 'hung up' on her MH problems and that it is 'history' - well why mention it in the OP? Why say her manager was supportive if its 'history'?

Definitely not getting the full story from the OP

Exactly!

OP people are shining a light on things you haven’t considered and you are getting angry and defensive.

I do think it’s odd that she let herself in but it sounds like your communication wasn’t great and she was genuinely worried.

You are saying that you were no risk to yourself but your manager was clearly very worried. So the past history of mental health difficulties is probably a factor.

Perhaps ask for mediation at work to work through this issue.

I think what worries me about some of the comments is this: We have a poster who has suffered from mental health issues in the past, who has been supported by the concerned colleague in the past, works from home, appeared to be not 100% well on a call and her manager went to check on her, got no answer when she knocked on the door, found a door unlocked and was very concerned for OP. Should she have rang the police at that time? Possibly but maybe she was just very concerned and didn't think (but then I can see the next post entitled "my colleague over-reacted AIBU" if she had. Some want this reported to HR which may lose this concerned colleague her job. On the other hand, there may have been a GENUINE reason for this call, the OP was not in the best of health, may have suffered a depression moment and done something silly. We would then have had a rush of posters saying that her employers had not done enough to help her, they were uncaring, mental health doesn't get sufficient credibility etc etc. This was a loose loose situation for the concerned colleague in my opinion. Yes, she may have crossed a line, but purely out of concern for the OP. Don't risk getting her sacked for caring - maybe just have a short conversation with her and tell her that her actions made you feel uncomfortable.

I've got to say I'm confused even reading the updates. So OP attended the morning meeting then logged off and went to bed for a few hours using TOIL. But without telling anyone?

OP didn't speak during the meeting but the manager cited odd behaviour as a reason for concern.

She didn't try to call OP. As you're so rural, could there have been connection issues if she did?

She then just came round and let herself in.

OP mentions MH problems in the OP but then says they were ages ago and no cause for concern now so the manager wouldn't have reasonably worried she was suicidal.

I feel as though we're either not getting the full.story, or the manager has overreacted to a gut feeling.

I wouldn't be happy any colleague just letting themselves unless they felt it was a genuine emergency. That's a big overstep however if they had real concerns, I would want to know what these were.

Could you arrange a meeting in person with your manager to ask exactly what happened, why she felt that an immediate welfare check was necessary?

For all those who are saying I’m angry and defensive/ there must be a back story. I apologise if I sounded angry. It was not my intention. I’m not angry, just confused. And no, there isn’t a back story. All is well in my world. I mentioned mental health issues as it is something my manager was aware of, as we chat. We meet on a monthly basis at a little farm shop cafe, midway between our houses. And speak on a practically daily basis. I am very far from suicidal, although I get why people may say that. If she thought I was, based on the premise of absolutely nothing, then that’s on her. As above, she wasn’t part of the team meeting. So she could make no evaluation as to how I actually sounded. Which was like nothing at all, as I didn’t speak at the team meeting. Hope this clears things up.

Sounds like she had genuine concerns, she may have phoned the police for a welfare check but they would have declined if you weren't currently a risk to yourself or someone else. They won't perform a welfare check on "past history and being a gut feeling that something might be wrong" . Police may well have advised her to go check on you herself.

You not answering the door probably increased her concerns, so she did the only thing she could do try and enter the property. I imagine she felt very awkward having to walk in to someone's house.

Imagine if she had done nothing and something was wrong. Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility basically.

A manager that cares about their staff, sounds horrible. If you use TOIL you should still be telling someone, if you were in the office would you just wander off for a few hours even if you had the hours and not expect anyone to notice and try and find out if you're alright? I'd say you're unhappy with the fact she visited but how can you ensure it doesn't happen again. Communicating better is probably a big one.

I’m amazed that you think it’s reasonable to “disappear” for a few hours in the middle of the work day. As a manager that would irritate me. you haven’t communicated with your manager and asked if this is acceptable.

We don’t know enough about the OP’s job or responsibilities to say whether ‘disappearing’ for a few hours a day is normal or acceptable.

Many people have flexible jobs where they can do the school run, go the the gym at lunch, then catch up later on. OP has said she has worked overtime.

Many people have jobs where they don’t need to be ‘logged in’ or accountable/ contactable every minute or even hour of the day. Not everyone works strict 9-5 hours.

Actually just reading a post from the OP, she works flexitime. Contracted to work 37 hours a week but not specific hours. She often goes far over this so can take off hours as and when she wishes. So her taking a few hours off shouldn’t be cause for concern. A phone call would have cleared up any concerns.

There we go.

Hi team, just to let you know I am logging off for the rest of the day.

That took me seconds to type, totally bizarre behaviour to not keep colleagues informed.

I have no doubt, you will come back with but, but, but, as you are so over invested in this thread, but truly updating colleagues is courteous and stops this type of scenario occurring.

All this fuss for just not spending 10 seconds of your time?

OP I would suggest in future, you just let your team know? Then you can sleep peacefully and not worry about intruders, trespassers etc.