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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my manager arriving at my house

434 replies

HerveLeger · 06/06/2022 19:34

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

OP posts:
2022again · 07/06/2022 18:05

HerveLeger · 07/06/2022 15:31

@Testina, definitely not me. I think everyone is getting a bit hung up on the fact I mentioned mental health problems. It was years ago. It’s history. I am well and happy. I declared everything on my NSVS. I’m all good. This was not the point.

having worked in mental health services, i would need a pretty high threshold of concern about risk to actually ENTER someone's house without even bothering to call them or ring repeatedly so for your manager to do this in the circumstances you describe would def be complaint worthy! are you going to ask her about why exactly she has done this again?

Fluffmum · 07/06/2022 18:18

sheer nosiness

TooOldToBeAGoth · 07/06/2022 18:20

Why on earth didn’t you answer the door??

Westpoint · 07/06/2022 18:23

HerveLeger · 07/06/2022 15:31

@Testina, definitely not me. I think everyone is getting a bit hung up on the fact I mentioned mental health problems. It was years ago. It’s history. I am well and happy. I declared everything on my NSVS. I’m all good. This was not the point.

Well, you are literally the only person who brought it up.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/06/2022 18:24

Its not nice to have your privacy invaded but dont give the manager a reason to do this either.

There is NO reason to do this. Full stop. Ever. 'Difficult to line manage' is not an excuse for entering someone's home, nor is this in any way exercising a duty of care. In fact, the LM wants to be careful as it could easily be construed as precisely the opposite.

If there are problems related to performance, such as napping whilst on duty and a resulting effect on productivity, the correct procedure to follow is address this in a meeting and have a formal written plan or agreement as to how it should be rectified.

If safeguarding on medical grounds is the issue and you call 101 for advice, police won't normally show up on those grounds either. They will advise you to call the medical authorities, and paramedics or ambulance staff will force an entry if necessary.

This is not the place of a line manager. There are no circumstances in which a colleague should enter your property unless it's by your express invitation.

Lincslady53 · 07/06/2022 18:27

Sounds to me like she was concerned about you, and when you didn't answer the door, she went to the back to see if you needed help. If you were unconscious on the floor you would have been very grateful.

Overtired201984 · 07/06/2022 18:29

This is a little odd , I wouldn’t be impressed.
.
And why is so many people calling OP odd because she didn’t answer the door , I never answer the door unless I’m expecting someone , that’s why mobile phones are for ….. call me first ! Also I did it once to a window sales person who waffled at me for 15 mins until he let me get a word in and I said I wasn’t interested ! And he got pissed off with me , so sod that !

Hmm1234 · 07/06/2022 18:36

do you work for the civil service? If so managers can and often make these ‘welfare checks’

AmberMcAmber · 07/06/2022 18:38

YANBU - she could’ve contacted you to say she was in the area, could she pop by for a cuppa and a catch up as she was already close by etc
I’d be pissed off with that intrusion even if she meant well - someone just arriving, not just at but IN your house, is unsettling

let her know that you appreciate her concern etc but next time can she call or text

Grrrrdarling · 07/06/2022 18:47

HerveLeger · 06/06/2022 19:34

My line manager turned up at my house at 14:00 today. Rang the doorbell - I didn’t answer because I wasn’t expecting a delivery. I live in the middle of nowhere, I don’t get random callers. I don’t lock my back door. Next thing I know, my manager is in my house. “Just checking”. Apparently I sounded a bit weird in the team meeting this morning. Which is odd, as I didn’t actually speak in the team meeting. Am I BUR to find this completely inappropriate? She is a lovely person and I have had some mental health issues in the past. For which she has been very supportive. But this was one day - half a day, when I wasn’t present at work. She let herself in.. next thing I knew, she was in my sitting room. It was a bit scary :(

I think it is nice that she checked on you but weird that she rocked up & walked in without calling to see if you were ok 1st. I mean she could have called & called & called until you answered.
Did she explain why she felt the need to come over other than saying ‘you sounded a bit funny’ on the teams meeting that you didn’t speak on?
My next issue would be was it someone else she should have called on?

RestingMurderousFace · 07/06/2022 18:53

Huge invasion of privacy, I'd be furious. Kick up a stink about it if you can.

bluesapphire48 · 07/06/2022 18:55

If your manager went out of her way to visit you, then clearly she was concerned about you. It's a little hard to say if she crossed any lines, but you mention that you don't leave the door locked, so it seems like you are open to casual visitors. The fact that you didn't answer the door might have led her to believe that you were in some kind of serious trouble--mental or physical. Even if she hadn't planned to step inside your house, the fact that the door was unlocked and you didn't answer would have led Yours Truly to want to find out if you were okay. So,I am inclined to think her concern for you was genuine.

If you don't want people walking in, then lock the door. To me, that sets a clear boundary. And if your manager's actions really bothered you, and you feel there was something weird about the way your she behaved, even under the circumstances, then let her know that she should call you first next time you are missing.

Dibbydoos · 07/06/2022 19:15

Maytodecember · 06/06/2022 19:36

She was obviously worried about you. And if you don’t get random callers then surely someone at your door meant to be there? I really think this was genuine concern for you.

I agree with Maytodecember.

I would find it a but disconcerting, but she was obviously worried and knew you didn't lock your back door - maybe you should start to.

I also find it odd you didn't answer your door.

My view is you're being unreasonable. You presumably looked off on teams, you didn't say anything, have a history or mental ill health and you don't answer your door.

BungleandGeorge · 07/06/2022 19:23

If she called from a withheld number your phone wouldn’t register the call. I suppose it would have been more proper for her to report her concerns to the police but could be a bit embarassing.. if you disappear for hours during the usual work day don’t you have to get that approved or acknowledged rather than just going off line.

MrsLighthouse · 07/06/2022 19:38

Seems a bit intrusive but as you have mentioned your mental health she may have just genuinely wanted to check you were ok . How many times do bad things happen and people wish they had followed their instincts ? Nothing wrong with asking her to let you know if she’s coming in future .

Oscarsdaddy · 07/06/2022 19:40

‘I didn’t open the door as I wasn’t expecting a delivery’

odd thing to say in my opinion.

I think it was genuine concern but wrong to just let herself in. Perhaps if you live in the middle of nowhere you should keep your back door locked

bringbacksideburns · 07/06/2022 19:44

Speak to her about it. You have said she’s a nice person who has supported you in the past. I would freak out if I found my manager in my living room! I’ve just started a new job but was very friendly with my old manager… still…!
No way should she have just matched in.

However I wouldn’t make an official complaint but make sure she knows how shocked and uneasy she made you feel and sort out another method of contact in the future if she has concerns and get her to agree to stick to it.

katrizia127 · 07/06/2022 19:47

@bluesapphire48 So does leaving the back door unlocked give implicit permission for anyone to just saunter in when they feel like it? Strange logic there.

fluffiny31 · 07/06/2022 19:50

My manager did something similar. Apart from I was stuck in due to my dd isolating. It was a month full of anniversaries and my bday. My boss turned up unannounced 10am Sunday morning I was half dressed . She bought me and my dad goodies it made my day. Never had a boss that cares.

NumberTheory · 07/06/2022 19:52

Coming round to your home as the first step in exercising a employer duty of care would almost certainly be very unreasonable and is something you should raise with HR. The various police services are large employers and there will be policies that your manager should have followed if she had those sorts of concerns - for the protection of you, her and your employer.

Even knocking on your door to see if you're there is a bit of an overstep. Entering your home without being invited in is strides beyond unless she was concerned for your safety. I can see how she might have got concerned once she got to your house and you didn't respond - having built up a scenario in her head - that will be why there will be a protocol for her to follow that does not start with going round to your house as the first step in the process.

You describe her as "lovely" and previously supportive of your mental health issues. Is it possible she's become overly familiar and is trying to treat you more like a friend than an employee? I don't mean this makes it okay, in many ways it makes it worse, I'm just suggesting ways an otherwise good manager might get to the point where they ignore good practice.

I think I would have a frank discussion, either in a meeting you ask for specifically for this or in your next regular check-in, where you voice your discomfort with her actions and ask for an explanation. But it would be equally valid to go straight to HR, ask what their policy is on this and register a complaint for them to investigate.

KimikosNightmare · 07/06/2022 20:01

Hmm1234 · 07/06/2022 18:36

do you work for the civil service? If so managers can and often make these ‘welfare checks’

Employers are meant to have safety protocols for lone workers. Lone workers doesn't just mean a security guard on their own- covers solo home workers too.

WilsonMilson · 07/06/2022 20:01

Unless there is some huge backstory that op isn’t telling us about, then this is absolutely batshit crazy and a massive invasion of privacy. I mean, honestly how dare she? I’d be having words with her about overstepping boundaries and I’d also be lodging a formal complaint. Mental.

grapewines · 07/06/2022 20:06

Aquamarine1029 · 06/06/2022 19:41

I would be furious and I would definitely file a complaint. This is an outrageous overstep.

Absolutely overstepped. I'd be pissed off.

bluesapphire48 · 07/06/2022 20:35

Well, if you leave the door unlocked, anyone trying the door knob may very well think that it's okay to walk in, whether you think there is "implicit permission" or not. Certainly if the person knows you, and especially if they are concerned for your well-being, they may decide that regardless of any unwritten or unspoken boundaries that may exist with the door closed but unlocked, they had better go inside and see if you're okay.
It seems to me like the OP really has some problems with "boundaries." Whether or not to open an unlocked door and go though is really a cultural issue, and different people or cultures may interpret it differently. A locked door, on the other hand, sends a clear signal.
I have lived in the country, as the OP has, and doors were left unlocked all the time, and neighbors entered as they saw fit. If someone was concerned about the well-being of the occupant of the house, NOT to enter would be regarded as negligence, at the very least.

carefullycourageous · 07/06/2022 20:37

Well, if you leave the door unlocked, anyone trying the door knob may very well think that it's okay to walk in They might think that, but legally they are wrong.