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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Seen my friends husband on Bumble

155 replies

Curlyhairdonotcare · 06/06/2022 13:08

I seen my friends husband on Bumble on Friday night
I made video screen shot of entire profile - verified and fully filled out

I was at their wedding four years ago, she was fairly smug with how well their relationship had gone. Engaged after a short period of time, and married after 1 year. They met the week after she had a 6 year relationship ending and they did seem literally perfect for each other.

I tend to stay away from gossip but neither she or anyone else have intimated their relationship has broken down.
I have told no one I know about the dating profile.

AIBU to leave it and feel its none of my business?

OP posts:
Tiani4 · 06/06/2022 17:46

I absolutely would send the screenshot video to my friend with what was suggested early on by another PP - that you came across this on bumble, it was confusing and you can't comment as don't know if it's genuine or not, but respect her too much to sit on it. Then leave it be. She can sort it out.

A good friend will appreciate your candour & heads up. Any one that shoots the messenger is a fool . I wouldn't get into discussing it with her, I'd say in person if asked that " I don't know what to make of it and just thought it's best to let you see so I don't know anything you don't. I'll respect any decisions or no decisions, you make as it's NOMB and I'll say nothing further and forget it, if that's what you decide. "

Speedweed · 06/06/2022 17:52

I'd tell her, provide all the evidence and then assure her that you're not going to ever speak of it to anyone else, you haven't told him, and assure her it's up to her what she does with the info but you're not going to ask her anything else about it.

cestlavielife · 06/06/2022 17:55

Asdume innocence just Send screenshot say "looks like someone's s scammed your dh picture for a fake profile - maybe you should let him know? "

People steal images all the time create fake profiles it s actually some guy in some place else

SandAndSea · 06/06/2022 17:55

I'm so sorry that you're in this position, it's not easy at all. I'm glad you're telling her. I would be as gentle as possible when you tell her. She could well be devastated.

Original poster
Curlyhairdonotcare · 06/06/2022 17:56

cestlavielife · 06/06/2022 17:55

Asdume innocence just Send screenshot say "looks like someone's s scammed your dh picture for a fake profile - maybe you should let him know? "

People steal images all the time create fake profiles it s actually some guy in some place else

Its verified its definately him

OP posts:
Zpoa · 06/06/2022 17:59

I'd always tell a friend. Always. I wouldn't even care if it backfired in some way and I lost a friend.

Original poster
Curlyhairdonotcare · 06/06/2022 18:01

Zpoa · 06/06/2022 17:59

I'd always tell a friend. Always. I wouldn't even care if it backfired in some way and I lost a friend.

Well my decision after pondering it today is treat friends as you wish to be treated. If it was my man I would want to be told and I would stay friends with her etc etc so I am meeting her for coffee the morra and will let her know. Shame mind you i am saying all this and she maybe already knows

OP posts:
PlentyOFool · 06/06/2022 18:03

AnotherCrazyCatLady · 06/06/2022 16:35

If you say something:


  1. Don't do it anonymously - she'll be paranoid about who knows about the profile.

  2. Play it with a straight bat - say that you saw the profile online (and attach a screenshot or whatever is appropriate) and thought she should know. Say that you are available to discuss it with her but will not bring it up unless she indicates she would like to speak. Say that you have told no-one about this - and keep to this promise. Offer no advice or editorialising whatsoever on what she should do.

^this is the only way to go if you love her as much as you seem to. She deserves the straight truth and your support. And I'd let her know if she does decide to stay with him, you'll never mention it again because you appreciate no one knows what another person's relationship is like.

Good luck OP

Hiddenvoice · 06/06/2022 18:03

My best friend found my dh friend on bumble. He is engaged with a child. He was over at our house not long after it and we just asked him about to. My dh was pretty annoyed with his friend over it and told him how stupid he was. The friend fell apart and told us how difficult things had been. We didn’t really believe him at first but a lot more came to light. His fiancée found out and weirdly they used it as a wake up call to make their relationship stronger.

TokyoTen · 06/06/2022 18:04

I think I'd tell her - but just with a note to say. "My lips are sealed but I thought you should see this". And leave it at that. At least that way she knows you won't blab.

TheQueensMarmaladeSandwich · 06/06/2022 18:04

Create an email address and send it to her anonymously

Svadhyaya · 06/06/2022 18:07

Tell her, but please don't do it anonymously. This happened to a friend and it killed her not knowing who sent it. Don't make up a silly story about thinking they'd broken up either. Keep it factual and just let her know you're there for her.

Original poster
Curlyhairdonotcare · 06/06/2022 18:08

Hiddenvoice · 06/06/2022 18:03

My best friend found my dh friend on bumble. He is engaged with a child. He was over at our house not long after it and we just asked him about to. My dh was pretty annoyed with his friend over it and told him how stupid he was. The friend fell apart and told us how difficult things had been. We didn’t really believe him at first but a lot more came to light. His fiancée found out and weirdly they used it as a wake up call to make their relationship stronger.

This is great 💐💐💐 love a happy ending

OP posts:
Original poster
Curlyhairdonotcare · 06/06/2022 18:10

TokyoTen · 06/06/2022 18:04

I think I'd tell her - but just with a note to say. "My lips are sealed but I thought you should see this". And leave it at that. At least that way she knows you won't blab.

Wish me luck for the morra guys 💜💜💜💜

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 06/06/2022 18:21

I'd absolutely want to know - good luck tomorrow

clippety clop · 06/06/2022 18:25

By telling her over coffee I think it's the kindest way and I'd also tell her you've got some sad/bad news but feel you've no choice but to show her. Good luck.

FWIW I'd want to know.

Original poster
Curlyhairdonotcare · 06/06/2022 18:27

clippety clop · 06/06/2022 18:25

By telling her over coffee I think it's the kindest way and I'd also tell her you've got some sad/bad news but feel you've no choice but to show her. Good luck.

FWIW I'd want to know.

Id want to know. And I would like my friend telling me face to face and not over a fucking whatsapp message that can be screenshotted sent on blah blah all the drama

lassie needs to know

OP posts:
Tiani4 · 06/06/2022 18:50

TokyoTen · 06/06/2022 18:04

I think I'd tell her - but just with a note to say. "My lips are sealed but I thought you should see this". And leave it at that. At least that way she knows you won't blab.

Fantastic advice and it looks like OP thinks so too. It fits in best with what her gut feeling seems to be telling her to do.
She is a good friend that values honesty, candour and discretion for her friends privacy, above everything else . We love friends like that!

MiniHouse · 06/06/2022 19:27

AnotherCrazyCatLady · 06/06/2022 16:35

If you say something:


  1. Don't do it anonymously - she'll be paranoid about who knows about the profile.

  2. Play it with a straight bat - say that you saw the profile online (and attach a screenshot or whatever is appropriate) and thought she should know. Say that you are available to discuss it with her but will not bring it up unless she indicates she would like to speak. Say that you have told no-one about this - and keep to this promise. Offer no advice or editorialising whatsoever on what she should do.

This sounds really wise. This is what I think I'd do in this situation.

Namechangehereandnow · 07/06/2022 11:08

Good luck today. Just stick to the facts of what you saw - I wouldn’t bother with “oh might be a fake profile”:”probs the lads having a laugh” … that’s minimising/justifying it - just tell her straight, let her make her own mind up.

jeaux90 · 07/06/2022 15:40

I'd want to know, you are a very good friend.

Original poster
Curlyhairdonotcare · 07/06/2022 16:07

All went fine. She said they have been arguing for a year - she did not seem so surprised actually. She said they have not had sex in about a year(!), he was spending loads of time outside and also he had started a new job (that she had funded his training for).

OP posts:
purpleboy · 07/06/2022 16:34

Glad she didn't shoot the messenger, at least she has the facts and can now decide what to do with them.

Zpoa · 07/06/2022 16:44

Good for you OP, I'm glad you told her.

Now she's got the information it's up to her to decide what to do.

Hawkins001 · 07/06/2022 17:07

At least the person's up to date, all the best op