Seen my friends husband on Bumble

[Curlyhairdonotcare]

I seen my friends husband on Bumble on Friday night
I made video screen shot of entire profile - verified and fully filled out

I was at their wedding four years ago, she was fairly smug with how well their relationship had gone. Engaged after a short period of time, and married after 1 year. They met the week after she had a 6 year relationship ending and they did seem literally perfect for each other.

I tend to stay away from gossip but neither she or anyone else have intimated their relationship has broken down.
I have told no one I know about the dating profile.

AIBU to leave it and feel its none of my business?

If you do decide to tell her be prepared to lose her as a friend.

Yes this happened to me. It was so humiliating. I felt like everybody was laughing at me. Why nobody told me I'll never know. Apart from anything else, my sexual health was at risk too. It's such a horrific experience and I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

You should tell her. I think you should should tell her outright, not by pretending you think they’ve split.

I did this recently - turned out they were in an open relationship and I was a bit 😳

Holy moly
anything can happen

You know if you've seen him then it's very likely he's seen you, too.

Why did you mention her smugness?

What's your motivation if you tell her?

There's nothing worse than finding out after the event that some of your friends knew and didn't tell you. You feel betrayed all over again.

I think I would be devastated and probably would many others but I would definitely want to be told. They don't have kids yet she might be able to leave him more easily than someone with kids. I would try to talk to her in person so she doesn't have receipts of you telling her that so you don't get dragged into it(if you could ask her not to say it was her as well so her partner doesn't try to seek revenge that would be ideal).

When I found out about my partner betrayal I was alone, had no friends around to come over basically no one to tell, it would have helped me to have someone to talk to at that very moment of finding out so if you are her friend then doing it face to face would be so much better. When you are alone you just spiral down deepest and darkest thoughts and there's no one to remind you it's not you who's the problem. Just make sure the place is discreet of course and tell her you would like to talk to her about something important to prepare her.

Obviously you don't owe her any of that, I am assuming you are friends and you feel inclined to tell her. I know some say don't say anything because she'll ditch you-well it happened to me with one friend and I am still happy I told her. I don't do friendships like that where I don't cover their backs, even if they don't want to be friends after that. I can live with someone not wanting to be my friend but I couldn't live with not telling my friend what the supposed partner was doing to her

FGS some of these suggestions! Please don't make up some "oh have you broken up?" nonsense, she will see straight through that,
and definitely don't send an anonymous message. Just give her the facts simply and leave it to her to decide what to do.

Nope because I pay to be ‘incognito’ and if these idiots had any sense they would pay the fee too

my profile is only visible to people I swipe right on - otherwise you cannot see it

do it for my work

it cost £30 a month or something

Oh don't lie and make up things.
Say it like it is.

"Saw you husband on bumble,thought you should know, heres the screenshot"

She felt that this would not happen to her and in all fairness I would never have guessed it either
they seemed the most well matched couple I have ever known
they even look alike? You know the types of couples? They were inseperable from the moment they met - she even said herself she was so smug and she would make herself sick watching on this love affair

i suppose telling her just gives her the information she needs going forward - that he is a dickhead and he pulled the wool over my eyes certaintly. I was shaking when I saw it

I'd definitely tell her but via an unknown number or email address. If she decides to forgive him, she will probably cut you off as you'd know too much. Regardless, you want to avoid being part of the fall out.

I think you should tell her too.

She might be upset with you (irrationally) but at least she’ll know what she married. Telling her is the right course of action. I don’t think it matters whether you tell her straight or do the “are you and DH separated?” thing, as long as she gets the message. Do what feels right for you.

Please tell her.My STBX was on this and met some woman .I only found out when I found him on his secret second phone. It became obvious to me that she did not know he was married and lived here. So bastard was lying to two women.
When people suggest that I get out there and meet someone , I think of all the other liars that might be out there. No thanks

I am fairly surprised this has happened tbh
I would never have suspected it

so this is an interesting observation of mines ok and I have seen this happen a few times-
but when they met he was over weight and worked in a shop, she helped him so much to get lean, get into the gym get all stylish and he looked amazing. She also helped him (and paid) for him to go to uni to do a professional qualification. Now he has a professional job
in his dating profile the job is listed as is his abs

now it was her who created that for him by pushing him to be a better version of himself, now he is the one who is wandering off with someone else. Its all so predictable and annoying isnt it?
i have seen this happen before with guys when they get a job promotion - anyone else seen this?

@Stillfunny with you sister
only last weekend one of the guys at work said he was on a stag doo - all the guys married except the one who was about to be

he said three of them had a second phone. Three. They had two phones and the second phone was for dating apps and meeting other woman behind their wives backs. This was grown men in their thirties. He said he was shocked. They all keep the second phone in their car during real life ☹️ Its horrific

I would tell her, I don’t think you will lose her as a friend, if it was me I would want to know. Just message her the video, tell her you stumbled across it whilst looking in bumble and thought she should know?

like others on this thread I have been on the reverse of this, I dated a guy, met up with him quite a few times, he told me he was single with no kids, turned out he was married with one child and another on the way, apparently he was going through a bad patch with his wife 🙄.

If I saw a friends dp on a dating app I would tell them, it’s not fair on his wife or the people he lies too whilst dating.

Tell her you didn’t know that they had split up
when she says they haven’t
you can play dumb and say oh but I’ve seen his profile on xxx

Some of them are so bloody disrespectful they don’t even do that with my ex-husband if I’ve picked up the phone at any moment and I would’ve seen all the texts and phone calls back-and-forth to OW. I’ve beat myself up for years wondering why I didn’t just pick that phone Bill up off the mat and open it and it would’ve all been there for me to see but you just don’t, you don’t live like that you trust people.

Please don't do it anonymously.

I have been on the receiving end of anonymous letters informing me of a partners cheating and it sent me spiraling into a very dark place.
It is cruel to do this to a friend.

It works both ways though. My ex cheated on me and when I realised a lot of people must have known but said nothing I felt so stupid. That was one of the things that upset me the most, and I didn’t count those people as friends any more.

OP I wish people had told me. Just tell her gently and honestly- no need for anonymous emails or pretending you think they’ve split up. Just say, I saw this and thought you should know. I’m here for you whatever happens/ you want to do. Then leave it for her to decide.

I wouldn't tell her. They will both somehow blame you, make you the enemy and overcome it. Maybe its an idea to alert her anonymously as somebody else suggested but really, men like this always hang themselves. Hopefully that happens before they bring children into the mix.