Seen my friends husband on Bumble

[Curlyhairdonotcare]

I seen my friends husband on Bumble on Friday night
I made video screen shot of entire profile - verified and fully filled out

I was at their wedding four years ago, she was fairly smug with how well their relationship had gone. Engaged after a short period of time, and married after 1 year. They met the week after she had a 6 year relationship ending and they did seem literally perfect for each other.

I tend to stay away from gossip but neither she or anyone else have intimated their relationship has broken down.
I have told no one I know about the dating profile.

AIBU to leave it and feel its none of my business?

Some of them were guys I worked with and I knew they had a wife
they always said ‘my friend made it for a joke’ when I asked them about it

i meant not telling anyone other than her!!

Oh, right.

I'd tell her but obviously not with an 'I told you so' slant.

I've also known a couple of women who've got married and been a bit smug. One was determined to get married by the time she was 40.

One of my friends once had an approach from a bloke on Facebook Dating. She quite liked the look of him and they lived fairly close. When she looked at his FB profile she noticed I was a mutual friend so she emailed to say 'Just wondered how you knew this guy and whether you would recommend that I respond to him?'

I had to explain that I knew him through another friend ... to whom he was married.

She even admits herself she was smug 😂😂😂
honestly i think we have a different type of self depricating humour up here in the north x
We always take the piss out of ourselves

Good on your friend for asking around - you really have to when you are online dating. I would expect someone to google me a bit before we even meet nowadays its too scary

Did you tell the friend who's fiance you saw? If so, then they know you spend a lot of time on Bumble and she knows you're not shit stirring to tell her.

If you decide not to tell her, ask yourself if you'd appreciate the same silence from her in the future,

I have had two experiences of this. One where I actually told my friend and the other where a friend told her friend her husband had made a pass at her.

Both times the women chose to stay with the man. I suspect its far more common than you think with online dating being so popular. Its also as cheap as chips. I have just thought of another one. My relative was engaged to someone she met through a dating agency. He didnt cancel his membership.... she only found out after they broke up about something else. They were living together and when they split she transferred her post to her new address and in error they sent his post to her!

I feel for you, this is tricky.

I though I would also tell anonymously. I would make a fake email and see what happens. A screenshot can look fake so I'd encourage them to sign up and look. However the issue is here you don't get to know they've seen it. You'll think what if it went to their spam. And they will always wonder why someone did it anonymously.

It got me thinking maybe you would be better of telling them, they shouldn't have anything against you as you had nothing to do with it. It's a very crap situation.

I made a video screen shot of it - so its the full profile, verified etc I could just send her that

You ought to tell her. What she choses to do with that info is obviously up to her.

I know and a couple of times I have ended up being the ‘OW’ without realising it
first date I was saved as a guys name instead of my name 🤣🤣 unbelievable
I was like you have me saved as a male name?? He was like ‘its a typing error’ - I was like do you really think I am stupid. Come onn nowwww.

I'm always amazed at the number of people who say 'don't get involved' at these types of scenarios.

OP, whilst it might be unintentional, you're already involved whether you like it or not.

What you choose to do with the information you have purely depends on who's friendship means more to you.
If it's his, stay quiet.

However if it's hers, doesn't she deserve to have all the information to be able to make an informed decision about her relationship?

I would be devastated if my friends knew something like this and didn't tell me.

Message her and say you’re so sorry about them breaking up. Then when she asks what you’re talking about you tell her what you saw and say you assumed they had split. Enables you to tell her without it seeming like you’re knowingly throwing a grenade into a current relationship?

In that case then yes I would tell her. You have the video, send it to her. I guess be prepared for any fallout though, you don't know what the reaction will be.

Tell her before she gets pregnant! Don't tell him though, why would you do that? You might be shot as the messenger but I think most women would rather know, especially given there are no children involved, far easier to divorce now than down the line. If he's doing this 4 years in before children are on the scene there isn't must to salvage really.

You sound like a good friend to me!

You could have just not said anything on here or, said something to him on Bumble and then ridden him till dawn.

Tell her and hope she doesn’t shoot the messenger..it does seem to happen a lot in these cases. Just send her the vid you have and offer support. Some women don’t want to accept the truth and will always blame another woman where men/sex are concerned.

Oh no do this! Genius

If she's a good friend tell her honestly and openly. Sending an anonymous message is not a great way of doing it....I've had that done to me before and all I wanted to do was ask questions etc, and I never could. Also, she'll be looking at all her friends wondering, who knows? At least this way she'll know it's just you.

There is a risk she'll stick with him and dump you, it's something to consider - how would you feel about that?

Good luck whatever you decide, no judgement here, it's an impossible situation!

I am
jjust going to do this x x

I would email her the video in a non-judgemental way which doesn’t make any indication as to whether you believe it is fake/ real, whether he has or hasn’t hidden the fact he is on dating sites from her or whether she should leave/ stay.

I would say you’ve come across a profile that is verified as being his on Bumble and that you wanted to just send it to her in case she didn’t know about it. If it’s possible to tell when it was last active include that info but otherwise I wouldn’t make any indication that you believe him to be cheating or think she should leave him etc because otherwise if she decides to do nothing, believes any lies he tells or chooses to forgive him it could make the friendship difficult if she feels you are judging that. Just present the facts and say you’re there if she wants to ask any more info about the profile or to talk about it but that if not now you’ve passed it on you won’t ever mention it to her again and reassure her you won’t ever be discussing this with anybody else. Put the ball in her court but once it’s there leave it alone.

Please do tell her.

my exH was an utter dick. He had so many affairs and various accounts on dating and hook up sites.

what really stung is that after we split up, several of his ‘mates’ confessed they knew, as did their partners who I would have described as being my friends.

I felt totally humiliated. If they’d told me I could have got out so much sooner.

If you do that won’t she wonder why you videod the profile?

Hope you get on okay OP. Your poor friend. He’s a complete pissweasel.

I videoed the profile because this time four years ago I spoke a poem in the church of their wedding. I shit myself when I seen it.