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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Can I sleep with other women whilst there?"

140 replies

Lauriejd · 05/06/2022 15:00

He said this as a "joke". AIBU to not find this funny?

BF of 4 years going on a "lads" holiday. We're both 27.
Apparently the joke is that the women are so attractive where he's going so can he have a "free pass"

Cue horrified look from me.

"Hahaha just messing; I'd never do that"

Maybe I missed the punchline or I'm missing a humour

OP posts:
something2say · 05/06/2022 15:02

How are things otherwise op?

CorpseReviver · 05/06/2022 15:02

Just say yes, and you'll be hooking up with some men at home.

WooNoodle · 05/06/2022 15:04

Can you pack all his stuff up into boxes while he is away?

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 05/06/2022 15:05

I want you to have said "Yes, of course dear. But you'd best rent yourself a new flat before you come back"

That has to have set up all sorts of ripples in your thoughts. He's basically set you up to feel uneasy, jealous, angry, suspicious about every moment he is there.

Has he been like this before? I'm not sure I'd get over that particularly quickly. It seems so calculating.

GordonBennetttt · 05/06/2022 15:06

Tell him not to give up his day job cos that joke was shit and not funny.
I'd be paranoid now, he'd have got my Spidey senses tingling.

Original poster
Lauriejd · 05/06/2022 15:07

Things are fine overall; I love him to pieces but it's not the first time he's made this joke in some way;
In the past, Ive laughed it off and said "yeah but you'll have to pay me thousands first" or some other remark back but it hit a nerve today, no idea why

OP posts:
MzHz · 05/06/2022 15:07

Oh for the love of Christ… is this what you thought Happy Ever After looked like?

of course not

so ditch him and tell him he’s free to do what the fuck he likes while he’s away

as are you.

Crimeismymiddlename · 05/06/2022 15:07

OP, I feel that if you thought this was a joke you would not be posting this question.

GordonBennetttt · 05/06/2022 15:08

Probably because it's highly likely he will. He wouldn't keep joking about it if it wasn't on his mind

MzHz · 05/06/2022 15:08

He’d have to PAY you?

like money excuses everything

no love, it seriously doesn’t

Original poster
Lauriejd · 05/06/2022 15:08

I think it's the fact he's added how attractive the women are known to be In that country that now I'm a bit put off

OP posts:
Original poster
Lauriejd · 05/06/2022 15:09

The money was a joke I said back after he made the joke in the past, I didn't mean if he paid me I'd let him; but when he said it the first time, I took it as a joke, the more it's repeated, it's hit a nerve

OP posts:
Original poster
Lauriejd · 05/06/2022 15:11

Then when I snapped back he just kept saying how he absolutely adores me

OP posts:
Mally100 · 05/06/2022 15:12

Well he was obviously testing you and most probably going to do something whilst he's away. Why would his mind even go there if it's not on his mind. You know what's going to happen don't you.

Original poster
Lauriejd · 05/06/2022 15:13

That's what I don't understand - why was It even on his brain how attractive the women are?

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 05/06/2022 15:13

When people tell you who they are...

Believe him, OP. He's going off with his mates, he'll shag if he can get it, you won't be told.

Thatswhyimacat · 05/06/2022 15:13

I think the part about sleeping with other women is a shit joke that if he's otherwise nice, I would excuse as a shit joke. The part about how attractive the women are there would make me feel a bit shit.

Tell him he's welcome to in the extremely unlikely event that one of these hot women would go for him, see how he feels.

janeseymour78 · 05/06/2022 15:15

I'd dump a guy for this. It's on his mind because if the right opportunity comes up, he will take it..do disrespectful.

WooNoodle · 05/06/2022 15:16

I absolutely genuinely would consider leaving after this. He's your boyfriend, you're 4 years in, this should be thinking about committing time really, not joking about shagging someone else. If he's not treating you well now it won't get better.

Sunnytwobridges · 05/06/2022 15:16

WooNoodle · 05/06/2022 15:04

Can you pack all his stuff up into boxes while he is away?

😂

Helpyou · 05/06/2022 15:18

You'll never know now. His friends will not tell you. I'd hate that comment. Where is he going ?

ManateeFair · 05/06/2022 15:19

Lauriejd · 05/06/2022 15:11

Then when I snapped back he just kept saying how he absolutely adores me

Then have a conversation with him and explain why you find that kind of joke hurtful. Previously, you say you’ve made a jokey reply in response, so presumably he didn’t know how much that kind of thing bothered you.

If your relationship is otherwise fine and this is the only thing he does/says that’s a problem, just explain that to him. If he’s generally not a giant twat and he really does adore you, then hopefully he’ll stop with the tactless comments about other women if he realises you don’t see it as harmless teasing. (I wouldn’t like it either.)

Spidey66 · 05/06/2022 15:21

See I'd laugh that off if it was my husband. But he's an overweight middle aged man and I'd just laugh and say they can have him!

But I suppose its a) trust and b) whether you know this is his sense of humour.

elevenspowers · 05/06/2022 15:21

Lauriejd · 05/06/2022 15:09

The money was a joke I said back after he made the joke in the past, I didn't mean if he paid me I'd let him; but when he said it the first time, I took it as a joke, the more it's repeated, it's hit a nerve

There’s your issue then. You accepted the joke the first time so he thinks it’s acceptable.

You should have made your boundaries clear the first time.

Why are you posting this though? None of us know your boyfriend or what humour the two of you have. If it hurt your feeling talk about it to him.

Theeyeballsinthefuckingsky · 05/06/2022 15:21

Oh how very hilarious of him 🙄

nah OP he’s fishing to check your response

and if your spidey senses weren’t tingling you wouldn’t be asking us

sorry but he’s being an arse