"Can I sleep with other women whilst there?"

[Lauriejd]

He said this as a "joke". AIBU to not find this funny?

BF of 4 years going on a "lads" holiday. We're both 27.
Apparently the joke is that the women are so attractive where he's going so can he have a "free pass"

Cue horrified look from me.

"Hahaha just messing; I'd never do that"

Maybe I missed the punchline or I'm missing a humour

Do these stunningly attractive locals get any say in the matter? Is he God's gift to womankind?

Where are they off to?

Prague
Amsterdam
Thailand
?

It's so fucking lame, and manipulative, and horrible. 'Hey luv, would you mind I abused a trafficked 18-year-old while I'm on me hols?' Fucking yuck.

Whether or not he's actually planning to do it, it's a shit joke.

OP, you are not married and you don't have children (or I'm assuming not). That being the case, you have plenty of time to find a man who doesn't make shit jokes that make you feel insecure.

What an absolutely massive turn off.

At the very least, once back, I'd be telling him I'd not be having sex with him until he'd got checked for an std and was in the clear.

Sounds like he’s testing the waters. Checking to see what your potential reaction might be should he get caught.

He sounds a dick or very immature - what do you think @Lauriejd not much of a catch though.

I obviously don't know your partner, but it sounds to me like this was a man trying his luck. He thought he would 'joke' ask you, and this was the conversation he hoped you would have -

''Can I sleep with other women whilst there''
''What...?''
''Well they're so hot over there, can you blame me?''
''No I suppose I can't....but is that something you really want to do?''
''Errmm......well I'm still young and everything....so wouldn't mind....but obviously only if you're ok with it!! Would never do it otherwise'!!''
''Um, ok then, but you need to be careful. Make sure you have contraception''
''Seriously you don't mind??!!''
''No it's ok''

I can absolutely see why people think leaving over this would be an overreaction, it’s a joke and he adores you, but this is one of those very small but very telling things that would make me start to be a lot more objective when considering his behaviours, then distance myself with a view to breaking up. It’s the fact that he can’t seem to help making the joke repeatedly, the talking about how attractive the women are, knowing this will upset you- where’s the humour? I don’t think he’s being cruel he just has a strong urge to admit to something. It is a red flag, make sure he’s not wasting your precious time.

I do think that many people lead very humourless lives!

Yup, my mum joked to my dad that she was going to find a toyboy when she was on holiday with her mates. Should my dad have chucked her out after 40+ years of marriage?

The problem with these type of jokes/comments is that they are so deeply unattractive. Even if they aren’t meant seriously, they chip away at any attraction you might feel for the guy until it eventually erodes completely.

You need to tell him you found his "joke" hurtful. That you deserve and expect respect both personally and in your relationship. Sleeping with other people, or even indicating it as an option is not often seen as a sign of respect.

Set your bar high.

It is telling perhaps that at 27 and having been together for 4 years he is still described as your boyfriend, not partner, other half etc. Is he "your one"? Or is he where you've settled for now?

It’s obvious to me he’s going to sleep with them if he gets the chance! He’s said it twice, I doubt his mates would tell you and he won’t, he’s already told you the woman are attractive so his minds already there,

I couldn’t get past this.

Sorry but he sounds awful.

Been with my DH for 11 years and he has never said anything like this to me. I would be horrified and I am very easy going. Just why would you say it except to make you feel shit?!

I'm afraid I wouldn't trust him. Many a true thing said in jest

Where is he going?

Fair point! but did your dad laugh along or did it bother him? I’m guessing it really didn’t bother him that’s why it was funny. Also it’s a funnier joke because a ‘toy boy’ is rarely an appealing prospect to any sane woman, so it has the absurdity angle.

Please tell us what country this is? then tell gim you're going to one where the men are known to be hot and say the same. Please what country is it?

Even if he's not planning to cheat, and he's never cheated, he's still an arsehole. Why would a man discuss the attractiveness of other women (and a whole nation of women at that) with his partner, just before jetting off on a lads holiday to ogle those women. It's just not kind, and reason enough to end a relationship. The OP isn't duty bound to stay with an arsehole just because they were possibly only joking and maybe won't cheat. The OP can end the relationship because they've got a crap boyfriend who says hurtful things.

Denmark?

Just tell him you are joining tinder to hook up with men while he’s away, say there are so many good looking men on it.

Then dump him!

My plane journey back from holiday had a large group of men, a fair few were discussing the need to delete the WhatsApp chat due to things written on it about what they got up too. With some pointing out that it would make there partners even more suspicious and they should just delete the damaging ones.

it was pretty disgusting to be honest.

Defo testing waters

My dad has told her before that he'd leave her if he had half a chance with Kylie Minogue. 😂Has OP actually told him that it bothers her though? She says she's previously laughed along and even joked back so he might just think it's a bit of fun.

He’s lost interest. Show him the door