"Can I sleep with other women whilst there?"

[Lauriejd]

He said this as a "joke". AIBU to not find this funny?

BF of 4 years going on a "lads" holiday. We're both 27.
Apparently the joke is that the women are so attractive where he's going so can he have a "free pass"

Cue horrified look from me.

"Hahaha just messing; I'd never do that"

Maybe I missed the punchline or I'm missing a humour

I wouldn't trust him any further than I could throw him. He's telling you exactly what he plans to do, I suggest you believe him.

Raise your standards. This is not something a decent man jokes about.

And please ignore comments like this. All anyone on here knows is the few minute snapshots of him that you’ve posted. None of us know if he would or is capable of cheating - we aren’t him.

This

The 'joke' is utterly inconsiderate of your feelings, and it's not the first time he's said it. Is he shitty in other ways? Does he try to make you feel that you're 'lucky' he settled for you?

I'd dump a man who thought it was ok to say this. He's telling you exactly who he is.

Not a joke it's supposed to be funny.

He is trying to throw you off the scent.

You made out you thought is was funny before, it is not funny to you now so speak to him.

If it’s Thailand then chuck him now. There’s a whole culture of seeking overseas ‘boyfriend’.

He must be an Adonis if he thinks women will just fall at his feet and have sex

This would be a huge red flag for me and would completely put me off somebody.

All I would say is trust your instinct. He wouldn't be making comments like these if the interest in other women wasn't there.

I’d be telling him that I’ll be checking out the local talent when he’s away and actively doing so lol

My gut feeling is that he probably will do so. From the snapshot of this man given here, my guess is that he's not ready to settle down yet.
If I were going on a trip away from my partner, shagging people abroad would be the last thing on my mind, I'd be thinking that I'm going to miss my partner.

You sound like you watch too many romcoms.

Are you seriously saying that for four years - every guy you have walked past or seen on screen or come across has been unattractive?

That isn't how human works. Having a partner you love doesn't switch off parts of your brain where you are no longer able to identify attractive features in other humans.

By laughing off variations of the “can I have a free pass” joke all through the relationship to date you have given the message that it’s ok with you to make these jokes. You should have nipped this in the bud as it does bother you. But since you didn’t, have a conversation and ask him to not make that type of joke anymore as it does actually bothers you and in the past you’ve been bothered but not said anything.

I don’t think he necessarily is wanting to cheat. My DH jokes now and then about having a mistress and I know he would never do that IRL so it genuinely doesn’t bother me. He would stop if it did bother me.

I think the part about sleeping with other women is a shit joke that if he's otherwise nice, I would excuse as a shit joke. The part about how attractive the women are there would make me feel a bit shit.

I think that’s how I’d feel too.

I think there’s also an element that it depends on the sort of humour you have with your partner. My then-partner occasionally joked that he’d leave me for someone else, and I used to say that was good because I’d be free to pursue [insert local handsome celebrity]. I knew he didn’t mean it, so it was just a joke. But in a different context or from someone else with whom I didn’t have that humour it would have been quite different and I may well have been upset.

Sounds a bit like a mis-aimed joke and now he realises he’s fucked up. (And I say that as someone who has made plenty of mistimed jokes that I’ve had to backpedal from!)

This is the thing isn't it, it's already sowed the seed of doubt in your mind. When that seed sprouts as they inevitably do you're setting yourself up to be the mad woman and given only he'll know the truth he'll be able to tell you that you're behaving 'mad' thus sending you spiralling even more.

Only you know your limits but I could not live with a small nagging doubt every single time he was home late, off with the lads etc etc. If you think you're both capable of having a 'grown up' chat about it by all means do so but one I thing I will say is that you should never give your sanity to someone else to look after.

Ah see I know a few men who joke about this sort of thing, cheating on their wives and girlfriends. They never would though, they adore their partners. It's just a shit sense of humour.

Where is he going @Lauriejd ?

I don’t think that the comment was funny in the slightest.

I mean, do these attractive women even want to sleep with him?

An ex told me he'd never cheat on me, if he ever felt he needed to go elsewhere he'd end it with me first, he adored me etc all the while he was going on holiday and shagging his way around the island paid and unpaid sex.

If your alarm bells are going off, trust them.

Sorry OP but he doesn’t “absolutely adore you” if he did he wouldn’t make shit comments like this.

i would’ve had to hit back with something. What a prick.

Your reply - ha ha like you'd Satan's a chance with those beautiful women!

Maybe I'll have a free pass too whilst your away as the gardener at no 22 is absolutely gorgeous and always smiles and says hello when I walk past.

@HailAdrian I m thinking he's hoping he will pay women to sleep with him .

Stand not Satan's ^

He'll shag one, given the chance. He's told you where his head is at.

This. Alarm bells first rang with my ex when he told me a story about a friend of his. He’d gone to New York and slept with a prostitute while he wife was at home. When he got back he was sore and itchy down below. His wife tried to instigate sex but he faked a bad belly because (in his words) he didn’t want to risk jumping on her while she was pregnant until he got an std check. The thing was that my ex was laughing when he was telling me all this like it was a funny story, I remember thinking if you think this is funny then you’re clearly capable of doing it yourself. Lo and behold we broke up a year or two later after I found out he was shagging prostitutes when he was working away :/