Friend upset I stopped her from watching me

[WhatWouldHillaryDo]

My first post, though been here years. I can be a bit of a push over with some friends. I let a lot of stuff slide rather than be confrontational so I think maybe in this situation my friend wasn’t expecting my reaction and has overreacted. Interested to hear replies.

Anyway, I sometimes pop in to friend’s house to feed her pets when she’s away for a night or two. She has two lovely cats and I enjoy going round and fussing them. All good, no issues with helping out. But the other week she mentioned something in passing that seemed odd - she said she sometimes speaks to her cats when she’s away. Well, after some gentle questioning, it seems she has a camera in her home by the cat bowls so she can see and talk to her pets. But she didn’t tell me this and I don’t think was going to either. She seemed a bit sheepish when I asked, like I’d caught her out.

Now, before she mentioned the webcam, i’d agreed to go round last weekend and feed the girls. Evening and morning, I was happy to. But I didn’t feel comfortable knowing I was being watched, so I spotted the camera and blocked the view while I was there, and unblocked it when I left. Now friend is upset with me and said she can’t understand what the big deal is and I should have said if I didn’t want to be watched so she could find someone else to feed the cats.

I feel like I’m going mad. Surely it’s my choice to be watched or not. I didn’t think I needed to let her know upfront. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I’m getting and I just need a sanity check.

"I should have said if I didn’t want to be watched so she could find someone else to feed the cats."

She's turning the blame for not disclosing facts on you so be careful. Why would you say you didn’t want to be watched if you didn't know there was a camera? She is the one who hid facts, not you. I would give the friendship some space and let someone else take over the feeding duties. See whether she holds out the olive branch.

Parents put camera's in their children's room for safety, its the same for pets. How many news stories have you read, with the headlines I trusted them?

I think she bought the camera on a whim thinking she could talk to her pets, and she could see they were settled, You don't tell the world you have camera's.

Hi I would have let her watch you and waved and said hi cat all fed bye. It’s sad she didn’t tell you at first but when she did if you could have laughed it off and just let her see she wasn’t missing anything. She just wants reassurance that her cats ok
i don’t think she’s got any thing personal against you. Just talk to her and explain how being filmed and watched made you feel I am sure there are both ways of looking at this situation but if your friends you will both need to talk it out. Let us know how you get on

Wouldn't bother me if I knew about it, would wave and say hi and maybe do a silly dance! Shouldn't be an issue really if you're feeding the cats but yes I agree not knowing about it beforehand isn't comfortable at all. Thinking you may have picked your nose etc and she will have seen it isn't what you would expect. X

YANBU. She should have told you. It’s common decency; and I’d be interested to know where she stands legally too (any legal types here?) .And her response to you covering the camera is very unsavoury. Of course you weren’t going to fail to uncover it afterwards.

Those saying there are cameras in the street etc, are you thick? By being out in public you implicitly consent to possibly being filmed. In a private home you can/should be able to reasonably assume that you’re not.
and those who have cameras at home and don’t tell their friends: words fail me. What if your friend tells you something private/intimate? How disrespectful.

Maybe she finds it a bit suspect that OP doesn't want her to see her feeding her precious cats? Just a guess.

A reasonable person would realise it was a concern about basic privacy, rather than because she’s not feeding the cats properly or something.

I don't think your friend did anything wrong personally. She has a small camera so she can see and talk to her pets when she is away, fine. It wouldn't occur to me to mention that to a friend who was going to feed my cats. What are you doing, feeding her cats naked and doing a jig?

She’s not watching you though is she… she’s watching her cats ffs.

Your friend has a right to have a cam on her pets, and it shows she is concerned for them. Apparently it's not uncommon to have a pet cam, but she should have told you about it.
I would feel creepy having someone watch me on the cam, but if she's a good friend, I would let it pass, and maybe even joke about it. She probably just forgot to tell you about it, but go with your gut feeling about her. Maybe she meant no harm, since she acted sheepish about it, maybe she felt guilty that she had forgotten to tell you about it.

Without your knowledge though? You might need to re-arrange your underwear or do a massive fart or something. People should be told when they're being filmed.

Your friend is weird. Let her find someone else to feed the cats.

"Do you post photos of friends on facebook without permission as well?"

That's totally different. The friends know you took a photo of them. Filming someone without telling them is a whole other thing.

in this day and age you are being watched all the time, shops, car parks, on the street and other peoples doorbell and house cameras. why would it bother you? i would have just said hi to the camera and made a joke of picking up one of the cats and said...say hello to mummy..lol. what a silly thing to get so upset about.

It is a violation of privacy and she should have made you aware of it. Then at least you know not to make a fool of yourself whilst there. I always talk to animals in a funny voice when it’s just me, wouldn’t necessarily do it in front of friends though.

I probably wouldn’t have covered the camera tho, maybe just talked straight into it and said to friend “Hi friend, I’m here to feed the cat but just moving the camera off my face as it’s weird” and then put it back in its original position afterwards.

I don't think your friend did anything wrong personally. She has a small camera so she can see and talk to her pets when she is away, fine. It wouldn't occur to me to mention that to a friend who was going to feed my cats. What are you doing, feeding her cats naked and doing a jig?
So you do not think privacy matters?
Do you post photos of friends on facebook without permission as well?

Privacy over confidential details matter but I would not be bothered about being filmed doing something like feeding cats. I’m used to the idea of being recorded on a day to day basis, even going up to people’s front doors and them now listening to doorstep conversations before they even open the door.

The exceptions would be in a private location, eg bathroom , changing room, bedroom, medical room. Me being in someone kitchen is me being in their space.
With regard to face book, I don’t ask for permission from friends and family. They’ve never asked me either! I just get tagged in. I tag them as well. I’ve been doing that for 15 years without issue!

in this day and age you are being watched all the time, shops, car parks, on the street and other peoples doorbell and house cameras. why would it bother you?

Because, in shops, car parks and in the street, I am an anonymous member of a crowd, and no-one is listening to my conversations. Assuming that I am behaving normally, no-one looking at the footage will ever know who I am.

Filming a friend without their knowledge is entirely different. And as I said before, if a man set up a camera in their house to record their partner without their knowledge, there'd be a unanimous call to LTB.

My daughter has one of those and the first time she spoke to me the dog and I nearly died of shock 😁

Ask her to get someone else to feed the cats - still be her friend if you wish!
ps get your pet🤔

OP you're right, she should have told you. She already knows how you are with her cats, so why's she being funny about you not wanting to be seen? She knows you fuss over them etc.

Generally speaking, she has a right to know her cats are being looked after well too. I mean how many families would know how badly their loved ones were treated in nursing homes without the benefit of webcams/cctv?

"With regard to face book, I don’t ask for permission from friends and family. They’ve never asked me either! I just get tagged in. I tag them as well. I’ve been doing that for 15 years without issue!"

Me neither. When I first started on FB I told people who didn't want to be on FB to get out of the photos. By now, everyone knows if I take a photo it might be shared.
Why would I take a photo of a group of us having fun and just keep it to myself?

Yes if she’s watching you when you think you’re alone then she needs to let you know. Obviously!!

It's weird that she didn't tell you but I wouldn't have covered it up....id have pulled a moonie or something