AIBU to not want to give baby an English name?

[OneTonNoodles]

I'm expecting, and we're discussing baby names.

DP likes traditional, common, English/ European names. His family is full of Elizabeth, Peter, David's.

I have a DS named Aryan from a previous relationship. I like unusual, uncommon, and would prefer an ethnic name that goes with DS.

I know they're not the same person so they don't need to match but I'd find Persephone and Keith as a sibset jarring.

I'm willing to compromise and choose an ethnic name that is also used in the West e.g. Nina, but DP is not having any of it.

His points are, 1. I got to name DS 2. We live in England. 3. He made 1 suggestion for an unusual name he was semi-ok with and I laughed at him. Therefore IABU.

I don't think I am because I said we can compromise.

Well OP, I agree that Harley, Quinn and Harleyquin are all awful names - plus if he is open to any of them then he’s clearly not committed to a traditional British name.

I totally understand where you are coming from and it sounds like you are compromising already with names like Nina. I would pull together a full list of names you are open to (Sofia etc) and then give them to him and say it’s one of these or it’s “x” (your preferred traditional name) and tell him to pick.

First you said partner wants typical top 10 names, then you said

The unusual name he suggested was Harlequin. She can go by Harley or Quinn. He prefers Quinn.
maybe as a middle name, after the first name you choose? I personally hesitate names associated with characters who are mentally ill or twisted such as Ophelia.

If he wants his surname for the baby, why ha she not proposed?

I think if you keep talking and listing names you will arrive at one that suits you both. Refusal to compromise is not a great trait to have, perhaps you could discuss this first and then keep brainstorming names until you get there.

Im with your dh. Can you choose an Indian second name? That's what we did.

It's embarrassing how the name Aryan brings out the racists.

I think that you both have to compromise with a name that can be pronounced by both sides of the family. For example I know boys called Samir who are known as Sam or Sami at their school in England.

Harlequin is miles away from top 10 white English names so I'm not surprised that you laughed. I'd assume someone who liked Emily and Oliver was joking if they suggested Harlequin.

I'd be very concerned that he's not considering a name that reflects both sides of the baby's heritage and doesn't know that traditionally, babies born to unmarried couples take the mother's surname.

Agree with the posters who noted main issue is lack of compromise- rather than cultural background of name. Lots of lovely multicultural names eg Tara, Ash. Bemused by him wanting a top 10 English name and choosing Harlequin?!

No way would I give my child only father’s surname if not married to the man. Mine- or double barrelled if feeling generous.

How many children know the word quim? Honestly this thread is peak bonkers.

What is his justification for a 100% British name for a mixed race childL Has he really taken on board this child has dual heritage? It sounds like a kind of denial to me. I’d be worried about the implications.

Quim comes up every time on every quin thread. As if "my kid knows the word quim so would totally bully yours" is a parenting highlight

Harley is hideous, as is Quinn. OP is right to veto Harlequin, which is embarrassing. I'd have laughed, too.

Yep.

Decide on the surname and the other person can decide on the first name (within reason).
I know a couple of brown Aryan - my ex-fiance has one. It's fine, you're hardly going to be accused of being a Neo-Nazi if you're part-Indian heritage

From a British perspective (whose grandparents endured the Second World War) it's not so much ignorance (I have said I am aware of the background to the name) as surprise at the cultural insensitivity of someone giving their child a name associated with an ideology that risked wiping out their entire family when they live in the U.K.

I sympathise, OP. There are many conversations like these where parents are from different cultures. Which holidays to celebrate, what religion to follow, etc. This is one of those instances. It's always best when aspects of both cultures are celebrated/respected.

Its a shame that your DP seems to not want to compromise here. For what it's worth, I think Nina is a very pretty name, but also ideal as encompasses both cultures. Good luck, OP

as surprise at the cultural insensitivity of someone giving their child a name associated with an ideology that risked wiping out their entire family when they live in the U.K.

This.

Also "Harlequin" is another name for a clown in pantomime ...

I must admit I don't really get the idea that siblings' names have to 'match'. Each sibling will go off and have long decades of independent life. No one is going to care whether someone's name 'matches' their brother's when it's 2040 and said brother lives 300 miles away.

My friend is Indian, his wife is Welsh. They decided to name baby an Indian name if she was a girl and a Welsh name if he was a boy (they didn't know the sex). Baby was a boy so he has a Welsh first name and an Indian middle name, reflecting both aspects of his heritage. He has a double barrelled surname (something like Patel-Jones), which is shared by both of his parents. There are options here if you're both willing to compromise. It's not uncommon for couples to not share the same taste in names.

That’s ridiculous. No culture owns a name.

Cultural appropriation isn't a 'thing'. If you like a name, use it. To those who think it is, would you lecture an Indian or Nigerian friend if they wanted to call their baby Lucy or Oliver? Bet you wouldn't....

Totally reasonable to not want to give your child an English name, especially as it’s important to give them a link to your cultural heritage if they are growing up in England. I wouldn’t listen to people being rude about Aryan as a name, it’s lovely. I’m sure there are plenty of English names which have jarringly negative connotations for maybe half the planet- but who cares? A name is what you make it

I had a friend with a (very very ordinary British) name that in Farsi translates along the lines of ‘pee shit’. And a cousin whose nicknames (in orange) are Farti and Fatty (Fatima). You can’t win…

Harlequin is the name of a male clown, first appearing in Italian comedy drama. It's definitely not a traditional English girls name. (The female character in the same drama was Columbine for info. )
Harley and Quinn are both boy's names.
Your DP sounds a bit dim.

Why do you think he gets to choose? As an unmarried father he has no right to register the child's birth so it is you who have the power of veto. Please give the child your surname. I strongly believe children should have the mother's name anyway, married or not.

This site has lots of lovely Indian girls names which also lend themselves well to English speaking culture.

www.momjunction.com/articles/indian-american-names-western-easy-to-pronounce_00633587/

Sibset is a hideous concept and your children are not even going to be full siblings, so their names don't have to go. That said, you should choose a name that you both like. This thread is such an annoying example of a drip feed. That name is connoted, whether you like it or not, and saying that you don't know what it means, as some posters have, is just displaying your ignorance about a major event in European history. If you are going to name your child something that is that type of name that has taken on a different meaning or that in the culture or language you live in means something else, this is just part of the deal and you just have to lump it on the grounds that you think the original name is more important, but others are going to hear something else. In this case, I guess the kid has an Indian sounding surname, so it doesn't matter, but why write such a vague first post? Lots of people choose "ethnic" names because they think they are cool. Not exactly ethnic but look at all the English "Amelie"s out there.

Aww, little Peeshit, adorable 😂

Most people in the UK would not recognise the Persian/Albanian roots of this name as a few posters have mentioned, not knocking those cultures but worth being aware that name will have a very different resonance to many people here?

If it's a girl Miriam or Lily work well in many contexts, and would work with Aryan. Tbh I don't really see the difference between Indian and British names any more. Half the cabinet have Indian names, so why not Sajid or Rishi, Alok. Or Krishnan or Vikram, I like those names because they were both good bosses. He can bog off.