SIL - nephews birthday party

[lollipoplips]

I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is a really shitty thing to do so interested to hear what people think.

I have 2 sons 18m and 3.
SIL has 2 sons 3 and 5.

It's my nephews 4th birthday next week and my mum gave me an invitation today for his party with just my youngest name on. I assumed it was a mistake and text SIL saying invite only says DS2 is that a mistake. She replied and said no, her son chose who he wanted to attend and he only said DS2, I replied and said I felt that was unfair to exclude 1 nephew from the party and she said she didn't think it would matter as he's never interested in playing with them.

For background my DS1 is suspected Autistic, he struggles socially and doesn't often interact with kids his age, but he loves going to see his cousins, he likes watching them play even if he doesn't get involved. There's no issues between them, no fighting/arguing he just keeps his distance, doing his own thing or watches everyone else. He's a happy boy, rarely has tantrums or meltdowns in public.

The party is at their house, in the garden, they have lots of space so numbers isn't an issue.

I don't know if it's just me being overly sensitive and heartbroken for my beautiful boy as I feel this is the start of how he will be treated growing up.

I'm thinking of just not bothering at all.

She's sounds horrid. Your poor boy.

I would decline any invite they give you.

I work in early years and one of the children invited a little boy who is autistic to a party and mum started crying as he has never been invited to a party before. So sad.

I’m glad you are not attending.

Don’t explain, she already knows why. She’s a bitch, avoid her as much as you can.

What a horrible thing to do, I wouldn't be able to move past it either!

What a horrible thing to do! I love my niece and nephew so much and wouldn't want to anything to hurt them! I can't believe what a cow she is being. Your brother is horrible also for letting her do this!
What an awful situation, I would let everyone know why yous haven't gone to your nephews party!

Don’t go , as they are all so close in age it’s both or none.

Worst thing I've read today. What a bitch

That's shocking behaviours from your SiL.

As others have said, when dc are at school then of course they can decide which classmates to invite, but
a) he's not at school, he's a bit young to be having full say (without guidance from his parents) on who is coming to his party.
b) his cousins aren't classmates

I'm glad you aren't going. You aren't being over sensitive. Your DB and SiL are the ones with no manners and no sensitivity.

Good for you op. Your dc don't need a relative like her. Or your sap of a db either imo.

Very cruel. Your son sounds like a lovely boy, shame his aunty is such a cow. Sounds like you might have a DH problem too if he isn't willing back you or see the wrong in what his sister is doing.

Sorry just read it's your bother not hubby! Phew. Still a shame he won't stick up for his nephew though.

It's OP's brother's wife. Not her husband's sister. So not a DH problem.

Cross Post!

What a bitch. That is just beyond cruel. I would cut them off from this point. It's a shame that you will miss out on the kids but they come as a package with their horrible parents. You and your boy do not need people like these in your lives.

I'd be even more furious with your brother. How could someone allow his wife to treat his own nephew that way?

How awful. I am sorry your brother is behaving like this. Because it’s both of them - - he isn’t intervening so is just as bad.

What a way to raise your child - your poor nephew doesn’t stand a chance - poor values taught from day one.

Aw my heart is breaking imaging your DS1 not getting an invite.

Agree with every single post on here. She sounds like a nasty piece of work OP.

You’re not overly sensitive, you just sound like a decent, fair and caring person.

Yes, definitely let her know the reason you won’t be attending. Hope she realises how nasty she is.

That is not on. My kids have one cousin who is an absolute terror and we never exclude him and only invite his brother. You don't do that to family! The saying is you can choose your FRIENDS.

Oh I'm so sorry op, that's just awful. My ds is autistic and when he was your ds age was very similar to what you've described.
It breaks my heart to think your own family haven't included your ds. I find it hard to believe that your nephew was even asked who he wanted to invite from his own family.

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't afford them the courtesy of letting them know either. I just wouldn't turn up.
If asked by either of them why you weren't/aren't there I would tell them in no uncertain terms why and I would NOT hold back
Whatever about other people doing that but family??
Pair of nasty fuckers.

YANBU, that’s really unkind of your SIL. You’re making the right call, none of you going to your nephew’s birthday party.

I'm so angry for you. I absolutely would not go after this. Your DS sounds lovely.

I wouldn't go but I'd lay blame on your own brothers hands. Yes your SIL might be organising it but it's your brothers blood relative and whilst it's disgusting for SIL to do it it's even worse for your brother to agree to it/ not give a shit.

Your SIL is shockingly wrong. I hope she learns her behaviour is way, way off.
I hope your text is measured, but firm in response.

I also sincerely hope she apologises as to how wrong she got this which might enable you to have some form of relationship with her family going forward.