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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Falling out on family holiday

134 replies

Lemonickle · 03/06/2022 20:40

At Easter we went away for a weeks holiday with the grandparents and my brother, his wife and baby. We booked a 4 bedroom lodge to share so plenty of space for each family. Brother constantly complained we where making too much noise waking baby up at night, we basically sat in the lounge whispering but apparently we weren't quiet enough. He puts baby to bed at 7 every night without fail. We are understanding, we have a 7 year old but we even got told off for going out into the garden while baby was napping during the day. Since we have been home there's been an atmosphere and no one has been as friendly as usual.

We are supposed to be going away together again in the summer holidays for a week. It's expensive, costing us over £4000 which we and the grandparents agreed to go halves on (£2000 each) as brother claimed they can't afford to pay towards so we invited them and said it's ok we won't ask for a contribution so brother gets a free holiday. So Easter lodge holiday we cooked our own meals in the lodge as we couldn't afford to order out. Brother ordered takeout every night and went shopping and came back with designer clothes (but can't afford to contribute towards the summer holiday)

AIBU to think I'm being treated like a mug or am I as my dad's says that I am being oversensitive?

My mum made a couple of mean comments about my son, saying he's hard work and doesn't communicate well. She never speaks to him. As we had looked after my brothers son so they could go out for a meal, I mentioned to my mum that we would sneak out for a few hours one evening without our son and she refused to let us go, even though they where all in the lodge all evening and he is 7.

I mentioned to my dad that maybe we should cancel going away in summer if the situation isn't working for us. It's costing us a big chunk of our money and we are struggling to get it together. We don't want another week of being told off. My parents got in a bad mood with me and are now being difficult about picking up my son from school. My hours at work change soon and occasionally they where needed to walk around to the after school club at 6pm to collect my son as I don't get home till 6:15. This isn't even a regular arrangement maybe 3 or 4 times a month at the most. They are both retired and have said they will if I pay them £10 a time.

Part of me thinks I'm in the wrong. They don't have to babysit if they don't want to. But without those 15 minutes help every now and again I won't be able to do my job. I can't do anything about my hours, it's a rubbish job but it pays the bills.

OP posts:
niceaspies · 03/06/2022 20:44

Yabu and sound like hard work
surely you’ve seen enough mn threads to know you cant expect or demand childcare from anyone

Needanotherholidayasap · 03/06/2022 20:46

Find a babysitter and sack off the holiday. Nobody NEEDS family to help out.

Ragwort · 03/06/2022 20:47

Why have you agreed to go on a family holiday again when it clearly didn't work out last time? Hmm

decayingmatter · 03/06/2022 20:47

niceaspies · 03/06/2022 20:44

Yabu and sound like hard work
surely you’ve seen enough mn threads to know you cant expect or demand childcare from anyone

SHE sounds like hard work?!

Your brother is the favourite child. It's done him no favours as he's obviously grown up to be an entitled, snidey prick who is enabled by your parents. Don't go on holiday with them again or you will get more of the same. Your parents are being shit, using a tiny bit of established childcare as a bargaining tool to force you back into your place at the bottom of the pecking order where you are never able to challenge anyone else's behaviour or assert yourself.

Lemonickle · 03/06/2022 20:48

Thanks for your message. I know I don't expect or demand it. That's why when they asked for £10 for 15 minutes I agreed to pay them for their time. (I pay after school club £15 for 3-6) and the grandparents get £10 for 15 minutes.

OP posts:
Nik2015 · 03/06/2022 20:48

Wow, separate lodges are the way forward here.
Don’t expect any free childcare would be my advice. We manage without it, never had any help.
Are there issues with your son? Does he have communication issues? Does he enjoy being with his grandparents?
Your brother sounds like a pain…I wouldn’t want to stay with him. Also, he’s taking everyone for a ride with the can’t afford act, more like won’t choose to afford!

Dailyfailcanfeckoff · 03/06/2022 20:50

I wouldn’t be struggling and scraping together several grand for a holiday where I couldn’t relax.

sack me off - and agree with making other childcare arrangements. I do think you should be able to rely on grandparents for a bit of childcare here and there but this comes with a lot of expense and strings attached.

Needanotherholidayasap · 03/06/2022 20:50

Ask a neighbour or a recommended teenager..
Don't accept being treated so shabbily by your family.

Lagertha6 · 03/06/2022 20:51

Your family are being unreasonable. Cancel the hol and go away just your family. Bro sounds like taking pee.

billy1966 · 03/06/2022 20:52

OP,

Cancel the holiday.

Step away from your parents.
Advertise for someone to do the pick up.

Your family are awful.

Step away.

Hercisback · 03/06/2022 20:54

Your family are arse holes. Cancel the holiday and ask around for someone to cover the 15 mins. One of the after school club staff might walk him home for that much cash.

Bryonny84 · 03/06/2022 20:54

Don't go on holiday with any of them again or pay your brother's share. Why would you? Don't ask your parents for childcare either, paying them £10 is ridiculous. My mum would run 100 miles barefoot to care for her grandchildren. Next time anyone mentions holidays politely say you're doing your own thing this year. Sort out a baby sitter to pick your kids up.

billy1966 · 03/06/2022 20:54

Needanotherholidayasap · 03/06/2022 20:46

Find a babysitter and sack off the holiday. Nobody NEEDS family to help out.

This.

pastaandpesto · 03/06/2022 20:55

YANBU. Your DB is taking the piss and your parents are enabling him.

I would absolutely sack off the holiday and tough shit if they don't like it. Let them throw their toys out the pram.

Is there any possibility of finding a childminder for the nights when you need to work later? I would definitely try to find an alternative. Of course grandparents don't owe their kids free childcare but a GP who wants to be paid a tenner for spending 15 minutes in the company of their grandchild a few times a month frankly doesn't deserve a relationship with them.

Randomness12 · 03/06/2022 20:55

This is two separate issues. The holiday should absolutely be cancelled. If your brother can’t afford to go, you shouldn’t be subsidising him whilst he is clearly taking the mick.

As for the childcare, I agree that you can’t expect it. However, if they did it for your brother they should do it for you on holiday so you could have a meal/go out.

The regular childcare for work - no chance. I’d find another solution. Your parents actually sound very difficult and I wouldn’t be relying on them. Either change your hours, but if not possible then find a childminder/another parent who needs help to swap babysitting with.

ultraviolet4753 · 03/06/2022 20:56

Cancel the holiday. Don't waste all that money. Your family are shit.

cinq · 03/06/2022 21:00

your parents are charging you to pick their grandson up a few times a month and keep him for 15 minutes??? Wtf.? That’s not normal.

BUT this is mumsnet where it’s a cardinal sin to get help from your parents 🥴

your parents are dicks though. HTH.

Ownedbymycats · 03/06/2022 21:03

You're being taken for a mug and shouldn't accept it. Cancel the holiday if you can and don't subsidise your brother.
Regarding the childcare maybe just suck it up, especially if it's only occasional.

ancientgran · 03/06/2022 21:03

A teenager would snap your hands off for £5 to pick DS up and keep an eye on him for 15 minutes. Don't let them control you like this. A holiday is supposed to be relaxing and spending £2k for a miserable time just isn't on.

If I'd got £10 for every 15 minutes of childcare for my grandchildren I'd be a very wealthy woman. A weekend away would have cost their parents nearly £2k. I missed a trick there.

Doginthewindow · 03/06/2022 21:03

’Only 4 times a month’ is once a week..quite a lot to expect. If you don’t want to go on the holiday, then don’t. You don’t even need a reason.

Arenanewbie · 03/06/2022 21:03

Cancel the holiday. Tell them that you love them dearly but it didn’t work for you last time so you prefer to cancel (or don’t mention that you love them, it’s up to you)
Don’t use them for childcare unless it’s an emergency. They’ve asked for money hoping you’d say “no”.
Don’t help your brother with money or childcare unless you want to buy remember he won’t reciprocate.

Hollipolly · 03/06/2022 21:03

Honestly I have no idea what to suggest. You knew the cost but still agreed to pay £2000....

The recent drama is now making you not want to go. Family holidays are often a disaster when it's not you and your DH and own kids.
I would look for a babysitter and start job hunting ASAP!

Houseplantmad · 03/06/2022 21:03

Unless you want much more of the same and to feel even more resentful, please listen to others and disengage from both your parents and brother.

Arenanewbie · 03/06/2022 21:05

Sorry meant but not buy

declutteringmymind · 03/06/2022 21:06

Use the £2000 saving towards childcare.