Falling out on family holiday

[Lemonickle]

At Easter we went away for a weeks holiday with the grandparents and my brother, his wife and baby. We booked a 4 bedroom lodge to share so plenty of space for each family. Brother constantly complained we where making too much noise waking baby up at night, we basically sat in the lounge whispering but apparently we weren't quiet enough. He puts baby to bed at 7 every night without fail. We are understanding, we have a 7 year old but we even got told off for going out into the garden while baby was napping during the day. Since we have been home there's been an atmosphere and no one has been as friendly as usual.

We are supposed to be going away together again in the summer holidays for a week. It's expensive, costing us over £4000 which we and the grandparents agreed to go halves on (£2000 each) as brother claimed they can't afford to pay towards so we invited them and said it's ok we won't ask for a contribution so brother gets a free holiday. So Easter lodge holiday we cooked our own meals in the lodge as we couldn't afford to order out. Brother ordered takeout every night and went shopping and came back with designer clothes (but can't afford to contribute towards the summer holiday)

AIBU to think I'm being treated like a mug or am I as my dad's says that I am being oversensitive?

My mum made a couple of mean comments about my son, saying he's hard work and doesn't communicate well. She never speaks to him. As we had looked after my brothers son so they could go out for a meal, I mentioned to my mum that we would sneak out for a few hours one evening without our son and she refused to let us go, even though they where all in the lodge all evening and he is 7.

I mentioned to my dad that maybe we should cancel going away in summer if the situation isn't working for us. It's costing us a big chunk of our money and we are struggling to get it together. We don't want another week of being told off. My parents got in a bad mood with me and are now being difficult about picking up my son from school. My hours at work change soon and occasionally they where needed to walk around to the after school club at 6pm to collect my son as I don't get home till 6:15. This isn't even a regular arrangement maybe 3 or 4 times a month at the most. They are both retired and have said they will if I pay them £10 a time.

Part of me thinks I'm in the wrong. They don't have to babysit if they don't want to. But without those 15 minutes help every now and again I won't be able to do my job. I can't do anything about my hours, it's a rubbish job but it pays the bills.

Wow, separate lodges are the way forward here.

Or possibly separate countries?

You aren't the favoured child, and you never will be. Regrettably your family seem to think of you as a mug that they can rely on for their own convenience and comfort, but not reciprocating in any way. Just cancel this and all future arrangements with them, and if you are actually going to pay someone to pick up your kids, there must be some more deserving recipint of your money than them!

paying for your brothers holiday is nuts. He clearly can afford it - he’s just tight. And he isn’t good company - either are your parents.

can you get out of it - is it non-refundable?

if it is refundable, simply pop a group message up saying :

all - the summer holiday is expensive and it is a huge stretch for us. The Easter family holiday didn’t really work for us - the kids are at different stages and it all got a bit tense! So to preserve family harmony, and my bank account, we have decided we have to cancel the trip. Sorry for the short notice.

For gods sake stop going on family holidays. They sound like a nightmare. It's time to step back from your family I think and not live in each others pockets. Id last about 5 seconds before turning into Godzilla and £2k for a holiday. No.

The last family holiday with ILs was not dissimilar to that. That was well over 10 years ago. You note I said the last....
Don't go.

Why
On
Earth
Would
You
Go
On
Holiday
With
Them

Are you mad- never ever again.

I'm not sure who think it's ok to be paying for your brothers family to have free holidays these are expensive holidays unless cash is no issue it's a hell of a spend to be subsidising someone let your parents pay his share if they want to show off and include everyone. They sound pretty nasty too if they can't manage the odd 15 minutes for free

I would not go away with them again and would look into childminder collecting my son, then would not need them for anything. X

I just told my teen dď that someone on mumsnet's grandma was charging £10 a time to pick up their grandchild once a week - my dd was totally gobsmacked that any grandparent would charge to pick up and grandchild said it was ironic as grandma was more likely to give them a tenner! You mum and dad aren't normal.

Yep, holiday needs to be cancelled OR all families pay for and have their own accommodation. That is fair (& to be honest, by the sounds of it, even then I don’t think you’ll have a good time so bin it now!!). Try to see if there is any childminder who might find the school pick up works for them - you really don’t want to be beholden to your parents, particularly if they don’t have your back!!

Your relatives are assholes. Obviously cancel the ‘holiday’.

Why would you make your son spend time with a woman who doesn’t like him and doesn’t speak to him? So cruel of you.

I wouldn't want to go on holiday where I have to whisper in my own accommodation, not be allowed to come and go as I want. What is it - a school trip?

Cancel that holiday.
Why did you agree to another and sub your tight arse brother?
As for you parents charging for childcare for 15 minutes once a week, they can fuck off too!

You're family, including your 'Golden Child' brother are completely unreasonable op. Like @billy1966 says Step Away from them all and look after your little family. Wishing you all the best. 💐

I dont think the amount of childcare you need from your parents is by any means excessive. The holiday didn't work last time. If it isn't too late pull out if it is then make it the last holiday with them.

Just getting a calculator out to see how much I'm owed at £10 for 15 minutes, £40/hour. then I'm off to order a new Porsche

Exactly! More fool you for going away again with them. Your parents sound horrible, stop being reliant on them because it's giving them the power to treat you like shit.

Jesus OP life is too fucking short for this shit. Cancel it. And as for £10 for their own grandkids, my gob is smacked. I drove half way across the country to collect my DD’s bloody dog for her a few weeks ago because she needed my help. I didn’t charge a tenner because she’s my child and I love her and a, happy to help her. The dog is a dick though 😉
I don’t have grandkids yet, just a grand dog but I can’t imagine not being there to help be it child, hound or sodding hamster.

you need to step back and look at this relationship, it’s not you. It’s them.

Yeah, stop doing this it’s ridiculous.

You can’t expect free childcare off of them but they can’t except you to pay over the odds either. If they/you want to continue this arrangement then they look after your son for a full hour. If they complain, explain what the minimum wage is per-hour and that they are making good money out of it.

You are in the wrong about the baby though. Presumably you knew he was bringing the baby before you agreed to the hol? I think you have forgotten what it is like and that you probably would have been expecting similar.

That doesn’t mean you have to go away with them again. Just say you can’t afford it due to cost of living (you also shouldn’t offer to pay things for your brother if you are going to then be resentful about it) and go away together again in a couple of years when there kid is older if you can bear it.

Don’t bother going into why you didn’t enjoy the holiday as a reason or it will just cause extra Afro and drama.

Maybe your bro is a pain in the ass and a cheap skate but it also sounds like you are a bit envious to no longer be the provider of the only grandchild and to have to share in the attention. Sounds weird but I’ve noticed this is definitely a thing.

*agro

Im sure they are a lot nicer than they seem in your post, but it does sound like they’re not really considering your feelings at all here. I think you already know what you need to do. I’m not sure why your brother is the favoured child- you sound way better, and way more together! Maybe they feel sorry for him?

Holiday - CANCEL. Have a lovely holiday by yourselves. (Might it be a bit late to cancel and still getting most of your £ back?) Remind your family that it didn’t work out last time. Suggest you all meet on neutral territory for air-clearing meal. Watch out for CF behaviour from DB and stay well clear.

Childcare- find a local babysitter.

What is the brother like with his nephew? If I had been entering someone else’s child for seven years and they put in a group WhatsApp that they couldn’t bear to be around my baby for one week it would take me a while to get past that!

Yanbu to cancel the next holiday, the last one sounded awful and your family are treating you really shabbily.

Yabu to feel that the hell with childcare is not a regular arrangement. It is - 3 to 4 times a month is once a week, that's regular. If your parents don't want to do it, that sucks but you'll need to find someone else.

Blimey, parents & brother are taking you for a mug. Pull out of the holiday, it's hardly a holiday anyway! Your brother obviously prefers to spend his money in other ways and relies on sponging off you & parents. Find someone else to collect your child from after-school club, and pay them. There may be someone who picks up their own child or sibling who would be willing. Ask the assistants at the club. Your parents are being thoughtless and uncaring about helping you in this tiny way. There are many grandparents who relish the chance to spend time with grandchildren, some who do whole days of care, out of love. I don't know why your parents are being like this, is there another agenda? I'd prefer to not be beholden to them as they obviously see it as a job not a grandparent opportunity.

Yanbu, cancel the holiday. Let them chase your brother for the difference…🙃Be prepared for negative vibes as they were all reliant on your contribution for the holiday.
Have a word with your workplace and see if they can be a little more flexible about your hours. If they can’t then try to find someone else.