Falling out on family holiday

[Lemonickle]

At Easter we went away for a weeks holiday with the grandparents and my brother, his wife and baby. We booked a 4 bedroom lodge to share so plenty of space for each family. Brother constantly complained we where making too much noise waking baby up at night, we basically sat in the lounge whispering but apparently we weren't quiet enough. He puts baby to bed at 7 every night without fail. We are understanding, we have a 7 year old but we even got told off for going out into the garden while baby was napping during the day. Since we have been home there's been an atmosphere and no one has been as friendly as usual.

We are supposed to be going away together again in the summer holidays for a week. It's expensive, costing us over £4000 which we and the grandparents agreed to go halves on (£2000 each) as brother claimed they can't afford to pay towards so we invited them and said it's ok we won't ask for a contribution so brother gets a free holiday. So Easter lodge holiday we cooked our own meals in the lodge as we couldn't afford to order out. Brother ordered takeout every night and went shopping and came back with designer clothes (but can't afford to contribute towards the summer holiday)

AIBU to think I'm being treated like a mug or am I as my dad's says that I am being oversensitive?

My mum made a couple of mean comments about my son, saying he's hard work and doesn't communicate well. She never speaks to him. As we had looked after my brothers son so they could go out for a meal, I mentioned to my mum that we would sneak out for a few hours one evening without our son and she refused to let us go, even though they where all in the lodge all evening and he is 7.

I mentioned to my dad that maybe we should cancel going away in summer if the situation isn't working for us. It's costing us a big chunk of our money and we are struggling to get it together. We don't want another week of being told off. My parents got in a bad mood with me and are now being difficult about picking up my son from school. My hours at work change soon and occasionally they where needed to walk around to the after school club at 6pm to collect my son as I don't get home till 6:15. This isn't even a regular arrangement maybe 3 or 4 times a month at the most. They are both retired and have said they will if I pay them £10 a time.

Part of me thinks I'm in the wrong. They don't have to babysit if they don't want to. But without those 15 minutes help every now and again I won't be able to do my job. I can't do anything about my hours, it's a rubbish job but it pays the bills.

@Lemonickle - it's vital that you don't go on holiday with your family & also that you keep contact with them to a minimum otherwise your beautiful son will end up the scapegoat of the family [just like you] whilst your brothers son will be treated as the golden grandchild just as your brother is the golden child.

You son deserves grandparents that are more well balanced & fair. Unfortunately they are not. It might also be valuable for you to look into this established pattern of behaviour so that you have more motivation to stop dancing to the role they've imposed upon you since you were a child.

To me, there are obviously conflicting issues here.

1. Routine based parents are, imo, a proverbial pain in the arse on holidays tbh. And I wouldn't ever now opt to share accommodation with a rigid routibe parent! 7pm is great for the baby, bloody impossible and inconsiderate of the adults and other child guests. If he wanted silence at 7pm,then tbh I'd have said step up the the third of the holiday cost.

1. Given my first point that would be my attitude for the summer holiday. I'd be cancelling citing too expensive. Why should you pay £700 more for your brother to be able to buy designer clothes?

1. Your child may be hard work. That may be what your brother and parents both think. And you could be slightly oblivious to the extent of this. And yes grandparents aren't obligated to provide babysitting on the holiday, but it was fairly shitty as a one off to refuse.

1. The after school issue I'd find another arrangement. Can you have a shorter lunch break, the legal minimum is 20 minutes if you work over 6 hours, that would then given you some of that time back. I get that being committed every day to a 6pm pick up is inconvenient tbh, though am shocked that they requested £10 for it, as I'd have thought most would have said they take straight from school! But again, back to point 3,if they find him hard work etc etc.

1. You have a partner, so why can't he pick up some of the slack re after school? He too could start earlier, finish earlier, have a shorter lunch etc...

YABU for going on a family holiday with extended family. The UK is really weird when it comes to this. These extended family holidays never work out. When will people realise this? You go on on an extended family holiday, that's what you get. You should know better by now. Holidays are meant to be with spouse/kids.

See, to me it's this thinking that is bonkers. But each to their own.

Why did you book another family holiday in the same year when the first hadn’t worked out?!

why would you pay for your brother to come when he had no money?

What on earth are you talking about @Alb0 ?

Once again, @billy1966 has hit the nail on the head!

I've done this almost very year for the last 12 years as a group of 6-14 people (as well as nuclear holidays too) and never a falling out or drama anything close to what the OP has described. Why make such a bizarre (and pointless in terms of helping the OP) generalisation? The issue isn't the holiday, that's just what's brought a situation to it's head and highlighted the unfairness in the OP vs her brother.

This.

I can't believe they are charging you to pick up their grandchild.

Also why are they not subsidizing brothers share of the holiday. If it's 4k total you should be paying 1/3 of that max.

But withdraw and arrange a peaceful relaxing getaway for yourselves.