Meeting male colleague for coffee. Aibu

[monkeysox]

Speaking to recently single DF today.
She mentions messaging former colleagues and arranging meeting for a coffee.
One of said colleagues is married with DC.
Aibu in thinking his DW may not be ok with it?

Let me get the rules straight...

The husband is allowed to meet a married woman but not a single one?

This must be because married women don't pose a threat. Presumably because they're married. Which means that married people don't have affairs* which means you can trust your husband not to have an affair because he too is married. Problem solved!

This is just the age-old boring fucking trope that a single woman is a sex-obsessed harridan desperate to get her claws into anyone because women can't function without a man. It's sexist tripe propagated by insecure women and it's fucking tedious.

*Obviously married people have affairs but strangely the neurotic OP doesn't seem fussed about this.

I'm bi, does that mean I can't meet anyone??

Seems that way @brookstar. It’s in case, y’know, in the middle of the cafe you decide to start rooting around in their underwear. Common problem by the sound of it.

What a silly hyperbolic comparison

You're allowed to meet anyone as long as your DP is present. It doesn't mean they don't trust you or anything though but if you did have a coffee without them present that'd be incredibly disrespectful. Or something...

There are too many rules. I can't keep up 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's coffee.......Good lord!
I regularly meet my ex husband for a nice meal, we get on really well. DH couldn't give a monkeys and neither could ex DHs fiancee.

I go to stay with my ex boyfriend, sometimes with my kids, sometimes just the two of us. Shock horror. My husband has no issue whatsoever as he trusts me.

To be fair there's no way I'd trust this. You have to draw the line somewhere and spending the night alone with an ex would absolutely be it. There's no need for that.

It's not about need, he's a friend. Like my other friends. It's our silver wedding next year so trusting each other hasn't done us too badly.

I don't think it's an issue at all!!! I met one of my engineers who I manage and had a carvery other day, he is single. As long as both parties know its strictly friends then I don't see what the issue is. I think it's good to build good working relationships. Makes my job easier.

So you are neither the single person, the married colleague, nor the colleague’s wife. Remind us again why this is any of your business?

Just wanted to let you know OP that tomorrow night I am now going for drinks and DINNER with a man who is not my husband, who I worked with twenty years ago. I hope I don't fall on his penis.

As long as it's just a catch up she wants with an old work colleague and coffee, I don't see the issue. My DH has worked for a large organisation for 30+ years and I know he regularly meets others for a coffee or a walk, both male and female. I've met a few of the ex colleagues over the years that are female, and he's clearly not interested in them as more than an ex work colleague/friend.

I sometimes spend time with my BIL, should anyone be worrying about that? Either no one else is in when passing so invites me in for coffee, or he phones to say I'm up your way, do you want to go for a drink - if DH isn't around, then I go with him on my own. I love my BIL to bits, but there could never be anything more - DH and SIL aren't at all concerned.

Now she is newly single, she is probably trying to fill her time and re-connect with old friends. Lots of old work colleagues can be close / good friends without anything untoward going on regardless of gender.

I would also wonder

1. if they get on so well as friends, why didn't they meet beforehand? Why wait months/years after working with them to get in touch

2. why only meet now she's single?

If I were the DW, I also wouldn't like it.

I meet a male, married ex-colleague for dinner every second month. Have been doing so for a decade or so. Have yet to find myself with his penis inside me.

Tbf no one could have an affair in a carvery. It's just not possible.

Oops I often meet men networking they refer work to me me to them we sometimes get a coffee one on one. Didn’t occur to me it’s inappropriate- weird to even think so.

More than 90% of my colleagues are male. If I excluded all possibility of being friend with them work would be a lonely place.

Lols. I'm married and meet single ex colleagues of the opposite sex a lot. They're called friends, in some parts of the world

I think you get a skewed response on MN. None of my friends would have an issue with this.

And, if we're on the subject of promoting equality in the workplace, you're seriously limiting networking (and friend) opportunities for women in some industries. I worked in investment banking and of the 100 fee-earners in my department, 98 were men. And my fellow female was a senior director who I wouldn't socialise with.

It ended up being a mainly male group at university too. I'd say I meet up with my male friends, either in a small group or one on one, as regularly as I see my female friends. It's a positive having different perspectives and I enjoy their company in a totally non-sexual way. As my husband does with his female friends and colleagues.

I'd find it strange if out of the blue my DH told me he was meeting a female former colleague who is newly single.

TBH that says more about you than anyone else. And sounds as though you don't trust either women around your DH or your DH around other women.

If she is recently split up maybe all her friends were his friends (or don't want her meeting them in case she starts boinking their husbands willy nilly). FWIW i met up with an ex male colleague yesterday for a quick coffee that turned out to be until about 10:30pm. Haven't seen him for 2 years (partly due to Corona) and we didn't end up snogging or more, and my husband sent his regards and asked after his kids. It is completely normal to have friends of the opposite sex. The same sex. All sexes. Whatever.

YABU. Maybe tell your friend you think she's a man-stealing so and so. Because that's what you're implying. Let her make her mind up about you.

😂

Not just unreasonable, utterly ridiculous.

If you are that worried about your DH's penis slipping accidentally into a former colleague just because they are female you might want to look at your own issues first.