Meeting male colleague for coffee. Aibu

[monkeysox]

Speaking to recently single DF today.
She mentions messaging former colleagues and arranging meeting for a coffee.
One of said colleagues is married with DC.
Aibu in thinking his DW may not be ok with it?

I'm going down the route of trust. If someone trusts their partner, would they still allow things like that?

But they are not even remotely comparable. It's absolutely ridiculous to even compare the two.

If you don't trust your husband to have a coffee with a female friend or colleague then you have serious trust issues.

It would be a problem in my world and some other peoples too but each to their own.

That's really sad tho.

That you feel uncomfortable with your partner just having coffee with another person they formerly worked with.

For most sane women who trust their husbands, it would look like they're ex colleagues having a catch up.

If I wanted to meet a male work colleague for drinks out of work hours, I would take DH with me.

It's for a coffee tho?

And really, really would you do this? Why on earth?

Grow up. Unless there’s some other backstory here you’re hating on your friend for having a fucking coffee with an ex colleague and trying to stir up shit. It’s not kind. Single women are not the enemy op

Would people be ok with their husbands sharing a bed with another woman if they were just sleeping and had to share a bed?

That's a BIG leap from coffee tho!

That's a bit of a leap from coffee 🙄

I can't imagine discouraging my husband from meeting female colleagues/friends. He works with more women than men and my industry is male dominated. Does that mean we're not allowed any work friends?

The lack of trust would be a far bigger issue for me, along with someone controlling who I have as friends.

Apologies, there are too many questions to answer 😂. For my relationship, which I am happy in, I don't think there is any need to go searching out company from another man. It works for DH and me, we completely trust each other and have an amazing marriage. It works for us both as we are both very like minded on the topic.

Apologies OP, I didn't mean to derail the thread from your original question.

This thread is an eye opener. My DP travels a lot for work, often with female colleagues. I didn’t realise them having coffee/dinner together was equivalent to them sharing a bed.

While he was on a recent trip I got Covid, and had to do the ten days isolation (as it was then) by myself. My male married colleague came round and left an Easter egg on the doorstep to cheer me up. I am now very concerned about his intentions.

Ok so what are your friends intentions? Because if it's been such a long time they're not friends. Is she networking? Intending to go back to the previous employer?

@EarringsandLipstick I wouldn't meet up with another man for coffee though, it's just not appropriate to to me. That's just how I feel on the subject. If it was in a group then that's different but in my opinion it's like a date so not appropriate for my marriage.

It sounds like you don't trust each other in any way, shape or form if you'd feel disrespected if he went for a drink with someone else and if you'd feel you had to invite him for coffee with another man.

go searching out company from another man

What the actual fuck? 😂

No-one's talking about logging onto a friendship app for goodness sake! Most friendships aren't sought out, they just happen naturally.

Or at least they do if husbands and wives are 'allowed' to have them.

Ultimately telling your partner what they cannot do or hinting that it would make you unhappy if they did that is not the sign of a healthy relationship

Imagine the alternative angle to this thread - “an old colleague is in town and fancies catching up for a coffee. I mentioned it to my DH and he said he would be unhappy if I met him.” There would (quite rightly) be a lot of LTB/he is controlling type posts

I wouldn't meet up with another man for coffee though, it's just not appropriate to to me. That's just how I feel on the subject. If it was in a group then that's different but in my opinion it's like a date so not appropriate for my marriage.

Refusing to meet men for coffee would seriously harm my career prospects!! I meet male colleagues for a catch up over coffee( occasionally wine!) regularly!!

They aren't dates, why would they be?

@girlmom21 people have different standards and morals within a relationship. What works for me wouldn't work for others. My relationship is fine and we completely trust each other. We just don't do things that are inappropriate towards each other as we respect each other's feelings.

On that note, out of respect to the Op, I am now bowing out of this thread.

I think Starbucks and Costa are missing a trick here.

Bromide Lattes could be a real money spinner, to calm down all those lusty ex colleagues meeting for coffee.

And this is related to going out/having a coffee with a friend how?
or deflecting?

I understand you say you're respecting others feelings but I don't understand what feelings would be disrespected if you go for a coffee with someone else, unless you're insecure in your relationship.

go searching out company from another man

meeting friends is searching for the company of another man?
so are you not allowed female friends either, is that searching for female company?

But how is meeting friends 'disrespectful' in any way at all??

It's not, but wives and husbands controlling each other very much is. Especially on the basis of 'Well I wouldn't do it so nor can you'.

These relationships rarely last long or if they do, you'll often find they have to meet friends behind the other one's back because "My husband/wife would go mad".

I don't think there is any need to go searching out company from another man

Who is talking about searching out the company of other men?! We're talking about relationships that evolve naturally and result in a catch up over a drink occasionally. Most people collect friends and colleagues of both sexes. That's normal!

If that is going to cause issues in your relationship then it's not as healthy as you think.

God, my husband takes women (and men, but happens to work in a female dominated profession) at least once a week! It never occurred to me to be jealous!

I’m just baffled when I read these threads. A colleague is just a person you work with, a human being with a brain in the same field of work with things in common.

I honestly do not understand why what is inside their pants is relevant.

We just don't do things that are inappropriate towards each other as we respect each other's feelings.

How is meeting for coffee inappropriate?!

I'm bi, does that mean I can't meet anyone??