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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SILs Behaviour. U or NU?

129 replies

TastyToeBean · 02/06/2022 15:59

I was at my partner's place, we only get 2 nights a week together (kids, jobs etc) & we'd just settled down in bed after a lovely evening. His phone goes, it's his youngest sibling (40+ yo) sister video calling him & their big brother. He rejected the call but she tried again, so he rejected again. Same happened a 3rd time so he rejected & sent the message 'sorry, sat naked with TasyToeBean watching TV'. The message was read.

Would you, or would you not, after receiving that message, try to video call again?

So as not to drip feed, yes she did fucking call again!

YANBU she's an attention seeking pain in the arse who has no fucking respect.

YABU perfectly normal to call again.

OP posts:
cansu · 02/06/2022 16:02

no she shouldn't but she might have thought he was messing around with that message. Why on earth would he say that??

MiniCooperLover · 02/06/2022 16:02

It kind of depends, is she calling for a serious reason?

Aimee1987 · 02/06/2022 16:03

Tell him to just turn off his phone or put it on silent next time. He can ring her back when hes free

IsDaveThere · 02/06/2022 16:03

Why didn't he just turn his phone off? I wouldn't have text her, that would have taken longer than just answering surely? She could have been ringing about an emergency I guess, and really needed to speak to him.

BemoreDerek · 02/06/2022 16:03

YANBU, how did DP react when she called again?

Hadalifeonce · 02/06/2022 16:03

I would have turned off the phone.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/06/2022 16:06

That was such a tmi message she probably thought he was joking

WooNoodle · 02/06/2022 16:06

Bit of a weird message. Could have just said call you back in 30 minutes?

ZekeZeke · 02/06/2022 16:07

sorry, sat naked with TasyToeBean watching TV'.
that's a very odd message to send to a sibling * *

starlingdarling · 02/06/2022 16:08

I don't understand anyone who video calls just for a normal chat. For that alone she is unreasonable.

Original poster
TastyToeBean · 02/06/2022 16:11

No, it wasn't anything serious. She'd thrown herself at (another) man & got rejected (again) & wasn't happy because it was her next door neighbour so she can't avoid him.

The reason he said that is the same reason she thought it was OK to call again. Zero. Fucking. Boundaries. The fact that I ferociously assert mine doesn't go down at all well.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 02/06/2022 16:14

If someone tried calling me that incessantly I'd assume something was wrong tbh. I wouldn't just keep hanging up the call. I know you said it wasn't serious but he didn't know that

Holly60 · 02/06/2022 16:16

TastyToeBean · 02/06/2022 16:11

No, it wasn't anything serious. She'd thrown herself at (another) man & got rejected (again) & wasn't happy because it was her next door neighbour so she can't avoid him.

The reason he said that is the same reason she thought it was OK to call again. Zero. Fucking. Boundaries. The fact that I ferociously assert mine doesn't go down at all well.

I think it was fine for your partner to say that to his sibling - my siblings would say the same sort of thing to me and vice Versa. We are close and do probably overshare but we are all comfortable with that.

But I think if they have that sort of relationship you probably have to accept that there will be some overstepping. To be honest I'd chill out about it. The only issue would be if he'd answered the call. She probably just tried again as a joke.

No harm done, surely. Just send a message and put the phone on silent. No massive deal.

Original poster
TastyToeBean · 02/06/2022 16:18

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 02/06/2022 16:14

If someone tried calling me that incessantly I'd assume something was wrong tbh. I wouldn't just keep hanging up the call. I know you said it wasn't serious but he didn't know that

People reject video calls all of the time for many reasons. Persistent telephone calls would be answered, but I wouldn't assume anyone would group video call in an emergency situation.

OP posts:
bloodyplanes · 02/06/2022 16:22

My ex's family were like this, used to repeatedly call until he answered. They were/are also extremely interfering in his life and had zero boundaries.

Original poster
TastyToeBean · 02/06/2022 16:25

Holly60 · 02/06/2022 16:16

I think it was fine for your partner to say that to his sibling - my siblings would say the same sort of thing to me and vice Versa. We are close and do probably overshare but we are all comfortable with that.

But I think if they have that sort of relationship you probably have to accept that there will be some overstepping. To be honest I'd chill out about it. The only issue would be if he'd answered the call. She probably just tried again as a joke.

No harm done, surely. Just send a message and put the phone on silent. No massive deal.

Show quote history

He answered the call! I was gobsmacked. Small consolation is that he went to another room before answering.

This woman acted so inappropriately around her father that step-mum has banned her from the home because she interpreted it as her 'flirting' with her father. No one ever tells her to rein it in, they constantly indulge her wierd behaviour & don't think there's a problem with it. Big brother has the same kind of creepy vibe too. If DP attempts to distance or put down boundaries he gets hounded & manipulated until he gives in. Thankfully, they mostly keep away while I'm around or I'd be out of the relationship like a flash.

OP posts:
Whatsonmymindgrapes · 02/06/2022 16:25

Not sure why you’re so offended by this. It’s a non issue. A minor annoyance.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/06/2022 16:28

TastyToeBean · 02/06/2022 16:11

No, it wasn't anything serious. She'd thrown herself at (another) man & got rejected (again) & wasn't happy because it was her next door neighbour so she can't avoid him.

The reason he said that is the same reason she thought it was OK to call again. Zero. Fucking. Boundaries. The fact that I ferociously assert mine doesn't go down at all well.

Jeez, you really don't like her, do you :/

NeedAHoliday2021 · 02/06/2022 16:30

I’d have called her back on phone without video. I’ll always make time for my brother though. Can’t really get worked up about this.

Momicrone · 02/06/2022 16:30

That's what I thought

Hawkins001 · 02/06/2022 16:31

All the best op

Original poster
TastyToeBean · 02/06/2022 16:31

bloodyplanes · 02/06/2022 16:22

My ex's family were like this, used to repeatedly call until he answered. They were/are also extremely interfering in his life and had zero boundaries.

Awful isn't it? Mine has already been an ex once due to this kind of thing. He's been great so far while we've been back together but he's so scared of upsetting them, it makes him anxious. As a 3rd party, looking in, I can see exactly what the problems are but they're all so enmeshed they can't see that this isn't 'normal' behaviour. He thinks he can keep us separate & please everyone. I don't think they'll allow that & will pressure & manipulate until he & I break up again.

OP posts:
Regularmumnetter · 02/06/2022 16:33

Depends what she was calling about

Original poster
TastyToeBean · 02/06/2022 16:33

AryaStarkWolf · 02/06/2022 16:28

Jeez, you really don't like her, do you :/

Show quote history

I don't like anyone who has sod all respect for other people.

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 02/06/2022 16:36

TastyToeBean · 02/06/2022 16:25

He answered the call! I was gobsmacked. Small consolation is that he went to another room before answering.

This woman acted so inappropriately around her father that step-mum has banned her from the home because she interpreted it as her 'flirting' with her father. No one ever tells her to rein it in, they constantly indulge her wierd behaviour & don't think there's a problem with it. Big brother has the same kind of creepy vibe too. If DP attempts to distance or put down boundaries he gets hounded & manipulated until he gives in. Thankfully, they mostly keep away while I'm around or I'd be out of the relationship like a flash.

Show quote history

My skin’s crawling just reading about them all, including your boyfriend.