SILs Behaviour. U or NU?

[TastyToeBean]

I was at my partner's place, we only get 2 nights a week together (kids, jobs etc) & we'd just settled down in bed after a lovely evening. His phone goes, it's his youngest sibling (40+ yo) sister video calling him & their big brother. He rejected the call but she tried again, so he rejected again. Same happened a 3rd time so he rejected & sent the message 'sorry, sat naked with TasyToeBean watching TV'. The message was read.

Would you, or would you not, after receiving that message, try to video call again?

So as not to drip feed, yes she did fucking call again!

YANBU she's an attention seeking pain in the arse who has no fucking respect.

YABU perfectly normal to call again.

SIL is awful and weird, but your DP is also weird for not putting the phone on Do Not Disturb. Also “I’m sat here naked with my girlfriend” is a bizarre way of saying you can’t take a call. “Can’t talk now, sorry” would have been fine.

Your comments about her being banned from her father’s house because her stepmum thinks she wants to shag him suggest that the entire family is dysfunctional and you’re actually really fixated on the drama.

Sorry but if my sister was calling me upset for ANY reason (which the sister clearly was) then I can't imagine pausing a bloody TV show to talk to her. The OP has said her own kids aren't even allowed to contact her during the sacred two days

FaceTime is for overseas grandparents and teenagers

What a load of bollocks

I mentioned rules. I did as there was statement about who could and couldn’t use it. Surely, that’s implying there’s a rule?

They we’re examples outside of ‘overseas gps and teenagers’ that do use. Rendering the point, pointless.

So what if this woman likes to video call? Some people just prefer to see peoples faces when they talk?

There’s nothing that says she can’t. Unless he refuses to. And that’s between the boyfriend and his sister. Not the Op to dictate how people can phone

It's a pointless medium for attempting to conduct a weird sibling conference call about being dumped. There's nothing it adds that can't be achieved with a normal call. Or text. My kids know that if they want to have one - rare - they ensure no-one who doesn't want to appear on camera, is seen. It's intrusive.

Were not we’re… fucking auto correct

Yes - you did. I didn't. I believe I watched a television problem the other day where a character said Audis were for 'women and hairdressers'. Presumably you don't think Audi dealerships need to be alerted to that 'rule'?

Your mind will surely be blown by another thread where the bald statement '5 pm is too late for a check-in' is being thrown about . . . and yet such check-ins do exist. I didn't realize I had to preface everything with 'In my opinion - I appreciate it's not a rule . . . ' 🙄

Eh -

you're all weird. All of you.

It’s up to him wether it’s intrusive. Not you. Not op.he went in another room to talk to her. Didn’t intrude on op anymore than a phone call would have

But again I would ask the same question.

If you are going to declare Audis are for certain groups, you are implying there’s a rule that says other people should drive them.

Essentially, you tried to present your narrow minded opinion as a fact. That’s was the point.

Basically reads ‘my boyfriends family is full of, what I believe, to be inappropriate weirdos. But, even though I am going to give a clear example of how he is also very similar I am going to insist he isn’t and he just can’t break away. He is so helpless’

This.

Op, can you see how your boyfriend's own behaviour aka the naked text is also a strange and icky contribution to the whole dynamic?

He sounds the same as the rest of them.

I think if you dislike someone as much as you clearly dislike his sister, but he wants to maintain a good relationship with her and not change his own boundaries, you might need to call it a day.

sorry, sat naked with TasyToeBean watching TV

That is the weirdest thing about this post!

“So you can try the ‘if you don’t agree with me you must be like her’ but actually, I think the person most like her, is you.”

In a nutshell. You both sound demanding and self-absorbed at the very least.
Nae chill at all.

My brother is an absolute rocket…and he can phone me any time he likes. Never had a partner complain. Wouldn’t take them on if they did.

I can’t believe this has defended into a weird argument over FaceTime😂.

im not sure why it matters so much whether it was FaceTime or a regular call?

clearly these three siblings use FaceTime. Some people don’t like it - they do!

i would have assume the naked comment was a joke.

OP is one angry lady - I always find people who shout loudest about being shown respect are those who lack the capacity to see things from others point of view.

He will be part of this family forever. you've already broken up once because of your perceived issues with them. Regardless of what anyone here thinks, essentially asking someone to limit/cut off contact with their relatives is massive redflag in itself. If you despise his family and to an extent his interactions with them (that you find inappropriate) then in all honesty you dont really like him in general. End it leave and save yourself the bitterness.
Families are weird and they are all weird in their own ways, it's easy to judge as an outsider but I bet if the spotlight was on your family other people could pick out things they didn't like.

Dose some of it sound inappropriate? Sure, do we have only one jaded judgemental perspective from a woman who clearly hates these people? Also yes. Definitely leave

On the plus side, your boyfriend seems decent. You don't live together, your children aren't his so you could extricate yourself quite easily from the drama - and his sister (who isn't your SIL).

The way you write about this woman and her family really isn't nice but keep 'ferociously asserting your boundaries'. It is up to him whether he takes he call from family; he could have just put the phone on quiet but didn't. How you respond to that is up to you.

On the plus side, your boyfriend seems decent.

He declines his sisters repeated calls then tells her when he's naked with his girlfriend. He sounds as weird as the rest of them.

Decent because he took his sister's call after repeated tries. Did that really need spelling out?

That doesn't make him decent. The fact he rejected it so many times and sent such a strange message shows he's not decent.

YABU.

He can talk to his sister whenever he wants & the fact he feels like he can't doesn't paint you in a good light. You seem extremely angry about this and to be honest it sounds like you are jealous of his sister. Sister initially didn't know you were there so I'm not sure why you seem to think this is all about you. This will never work. If my brother was in a relationship with someone who was so irate when I tried to call him upset I would think it was controlling and wierd tbh.

My DH would not stop me answeing the phone to my siblings and vice versa.

Your bf text is just strange

We seem to be getting weirdly hung up on the FaceTime nature of the call. Would op have been ok about a normal call then?

His 'naked' message isn't weird if he was using it as the explanation for not wanting to FaceTime.

It's just siblings calling each other. You might not be close enough to your siblings to want their advice when you've been dumped but I'm sure your imagination extends to comprehending that others do.

What's weird is a grown woman wanting two evenings every week where real life isn't allowed to intrude, ever, not even a call from her kids. Do some people really expect this level of undivided attention?

Have you told your teens they shouldn't contact you on nights you're with your BF?

Also the SIL FIL thing? Wtf?!