SILs Behaviour. U or NU?

[TastyToeBean]

I was at my partner's place, we only get 2 nights a week together (kids, jobs etc) & we'd just settled down in bed after a lovely evening. His phone goes, it's his youngest sibling (40+ yo) sister video calling him & their big brother. He rejected the call but she tried again, so he rejected again. Same happened a 3rd time so he rejected & sent the message 'sorry, sat naked with TasyToeBean watching TV'. The message was read.

Would you, or would you not, after receiving that message, try to video call again?

So as not to drip feed, yes she did fucking call again!

YANBU she's an attention seeking pain in the arse who has no fucking respect.

YABU perfectly normal to call again.

There is certainly something wrong in this family - but also with the new woman the man have become attached to.

OP sounds very like her boyfriends mother - jealous, possessive and controlling.

I am glad the brother spoke to his sister. So often we hear about people turning their backs on their family becomes a new partner isn’t happy. This has already happened to the sister once with her dad.

All very sad - OP sounds like one angry lady!

@Mellowyellow222 I agree, there is nothing wrong with his sister wanting to speak to him

We get it, you don’t like her.
Out of everything you’ve posted, your partners naked test was the weirdest and most inappropriate.

Feel sorry for her actually, a SIL that obviously hates her and a stepmum that won’t let her see her father.

What a weird message to send his own sister

im sat naked in bed with my partner??? Wtf?!?

Well, unless your boyfriend takes video calls with his phone aimed at his crotch, I don't see why it's weird that she would still try to call him. I very much doubt she flirts with her father. You and the stepmum might just not be used to that kind of over-the-top, over-sharing, over-familiar family dynamic.

Does your boyfriend actually think it's inappropriate, or is he only trying to back off because you're making him think it's weird?

Oh my god.

soooo many red flags in that family.

Whether it's reasonable depends on the time and whether video calling is normal for them

She’s nae really your sister in law though is she? Partners sister.💁🏻‍♀️

This. No way would I reject a call from a family member.

Not rtft yet but depends on the reason for the call. If your partner really did not want to speak to her he should have switched his phone off/to flight mode after sending her the message.

Is nobody in the family concerned about sil’s and father’s behaviour?
Females learn how to act around males from the boundaries set by their father. Clearly your boyfriend’s father had not done his job properly. That is putting it politely. The less polite version is that your boyfriend’s father had committed nicest, not as uncommon as you think.
Either way the family sound batshit.
No wonder the sister has very poor boundaries.

incest

So his siblings wanted to chat to their brother at 4 pm on a Thursday afternoon? You sound horribly judgemental alot like my sil who wants dbro to herself. Can't see your relationship lasting with an bad attitude to his family.

Inappropriate message for him to send.

You are getting a bit jealous about his sister very early on your 2 night a week relationship. He should have answered to check it wasn't an emergency, said he couldn't talk if it wasn't and turned his phone off or to silent. No need for drama.

My siblings and I video call each other all the time. It's very rare for someone not to pick up. We'd definitely keep calling if it was repeatedly rejected and think it was funny. I don't know what our partners think about it. They've never said anything because it's none of their fucking business I suppose. Do some partners think they get a say in how their dp interacts with their own family then?

And what's this about the stepmum banning her stepdaughter from the house because she flirts with her own dad? I don't believe that really. An insecure sm who resents any closeness between her dp and anyone who isn't her, even his own daughter. But then he's spineless for allowing it. Anyone banning my child from my house wouldn't last long.

Yes on balance I feel sorry for sil I think.

Regardless of family dynamics, you clearly don't want to be around them OP, so you need to set your DP free to find someone who likes his family. If you are hoping he'll choose you and dump them, this really isn't going to end well.

Are you sure he's anxious about pleasing his family? Could he be anxious about interacting with his family, knowing you disapprove?

The vibes I'm getting is that you don't like your SIL, therefore anything she does is likely to annoy you and that seems to include phoning her brother.

If I got that from my brother, I wouldn’t have thought it was a joke, I would have thought it was the unequivocal ‘fuck off’ he intended it to be. Barring an actual emergency I would have then, well, fucked off and waited for him to call me back at a better time.

I don’t doubt that SIL picked up on that either, she just decided to ignore it and persist anyway to get what she wanted. Which she did, given he answered the call. I’d be pissed off with him for giving into it.

Really? If I was spending time with my husband watching a movie or whatever I wouldn’t just drop everything because my brother called and fancied a chat. Nor would I expect my brother to if I called and he was busy.

I consider my husband’s feelings, as I expect my brother to consider his partner’s. It’s unsurprising that she doesn’t particularly like SIL tbh.

He should have messaged saying sorry I’m busy

But it’s for adults to manage their own relationships - not their wives, husbands or girlfriends.

I can’t imagine being so controlling as to let a boyfriend answer his phone!!!!

The step-mother has banned the daughter from seeing her own father? On any other thread that would get the SM pilloried, not the daughter.

The sister just got dumped and wants succor/support from her siblings - but you think that’s crossing a boundary? On any other thread, the you would be pilloried for overstepping boundaries as a mere girlfriend (one who’s broken up with brother before, incidentally).

Also she’s not your sister in law. She’s your boyfriend’s sister. The difference is that you can walk out of this situation two minutes from now with no legal consequences, which is an immense privilege.

If she’s actually trying to ban him then I agree that’s not on, but it’s fair enough to tell him she finds it rude and annoying and she’d rather he didn’t. If he takes that on board and changes his behaviour then that’s not her being controlling, that’s him considering his partner’s wishes. If he doesn’t then it’s up to OP whether she considers that a dealbreaker or not.

I suppose we are all different. Pausing a movie while someone takes a call from a sibling isn’t the end of the world for me.

and to be honest if I was in a relationship with someone who expected me to ‘change my behaviour’ in something like this I would run a mile!!