SILs Behaviour. U or NU?

[TastyToeBean]

I was at my partner's place, we only get 2 nights a week together (kids, jobs etc) & we'd just settled down in bed after a lovely evening. His phone goes, it's his youngest sibling (40+ yo) sister video calling him & their big brother. He rejected the call but she tried again, so he rejected again. Same happened a 3rd time so he rejected & sent the message 'sorry, sat naked with TasyToeBean watching TV'. The message was read.

Would you, or would you not, after receiving that message, try to video call again?

So as not to drip feed, yes she did fucking call again!

YANBU she's an attention seeking pain in the arse who has no fucking respect.

YABU perfectly normal to call again.

my thoughts exactly

Depends how common an occurrence it is. If you’re constantly being interrupted when you’re trying to spend time together then I imagine that’s going to get old quickly.

I would expect a partner to listen to me, as I would listen to them if they had an issue. There’s nothing wrong with changing an annoying behaviour out of respect and consideration for someone you care about. It is of course up to him, but if he doesn’t and OP decides it’s a dealbreaker then she’s not unreasonable either.

I'm with you op. She clearly has no boundaries after he rejected her calls numerous times.
My sil calls my dh in the night sometimes and will refuse to put the phone down when dh will tell her he's tired, needs sleep, even once when he had a very bad throat and could barely speak. Our evenings are our time when the kids are asleep, I wouldn't mind if she kept her call short to half an hour, but dragging it over an hour to 2 hours just chatting a load of shit about other people, it drives me insane. No concept of perhaps he wants to spend the evening with his wife. But why would she when she always makes out her and her dh are far too busy for each other.

Definitely a possibility. Not my problem to sort though, I've enough drama of my own (which I don't bring into my relationship).

Just so long as she doesn’t phone her brother when you’re there eh?

'OP' puts considerable time, effort, money & travel into ensuring my 2 nights off are exactly that. If he won't keep his family drama, even the mild annoyances, out of our hair then why am I bothering? I'll just let my kids, brother, friends etc contact me all night. They have 5 nights & 7 days for family drama. I don't want it on my nights off, from neither side.

Gosh OP, you're not coming off well here. You very clearly dislike this woman and I rather suspect are looking for reasons to back that up. You don't actually need to do that, it's fine to dislike someone. But your reaction to her calling is disproportionate.

And much like others have felt, my sense is that there are quite significant problems in your boyfriend's family. I think feeling sorry for his sister is about all the reaction I would have to any behaviour she displays (her calling her brother is fine btw).

What a weird thread.

Basically reads ‘my boyfriends family is full of, what I believe, to be inappropriate weirdos. But, even though I am going to give a clear example of how he is also very similar I am going to insist he isn’t and he just can’t break away. He is so helpless’

and the whole ‘ we only have 2 nights so they have to be completely free’ is a little odd. Life happens when it happens. The world isn’t going to stop because it’s the nights you 3 get together.

Thanks. I think we may have a few overbearing/possessive sisters on this thread.

Arranging 2 nights off is 'odd'? Maybe in your world, but not in mine. I work like a dog, long hours in a difficult job. I'm also a lone parent & have been for many years. I arrange/organise 2 nights off, they don't just happen & they're much needed.

If my teens can manage 2 nights calling someone else for non emergencies, then his sister can.

Hmm are you like this real life?

Twisting what people say to fit your narrative?

I didn’t say that having 2 nights off was odd. I said expecting life to never happen in those 3 nights, every week is odd and it’s unrealistic.

and please do get over yourself. Plenty of us, work full time in Senior burst roles and are single parents. We still don’t need the world to stop 2 days a week.

i do have an older brother, who would the last person I would call if I broke up with someone. So no over bearing sister here. I speak to him maybe once every 3 months. In fact that last time we spoke in the phone was December when he called to tell me my mum had collapsed at home.

So you can try the ‘if you don’t agree with me you must be like her’ but actually, I think the person most like her, is you.

OP in most healthy relationships people talk to each other.

I am close to my sister. We text and chat regularly.

i would find it really odd if she said there are two nights a week that I see my boyfriend. He has asked that on those nights I have no contact with anyone else - so please don’t call me!

and again this lady isn’t your sister in law. You are exaggerating your link to her and your status on her family. You clearly really really dislike her. The flirting with her dad accusation in really strange - why aren’t you questioning that???

you are coming across as angry and narrow minded.

Why wouldn’t you be worried that your dp’s sister could have been sexually abused, given her behaviour with her father? And that potentially that her father was the abuser?

you don’t like his family and have already split with him before because of them.

I don’t see how this relationship can work?

Do your tell your teens they aren’t allowed to contact you except for emergencies when you have your two nights with your boyfriend?

you certainly live by very strong rules. And are clear on imposing them on your boyfriend and his family.

i am forty and I can’t imagine my parents telling me not to contact them unless it’s an emergency!!

op you do you - but you asked if you are being unreasonable. And a lot of people said yes. Then you got angry with them. If you so strongly believe you are in the right why ask?

just to have a bitch about this woman who is no relation to you?

And your relationship with this man sounds like a bubble relationship.

it only works when it is just the two of you. It can’t withstand the real world tests of family, friends, work and real life.

that is why you ban everyone from contacting you when you are in the bubble.

I think it’s lovely that they are such close siblings. Don’t really see why you are so wound up about her calling him tbh? You sound mean and controlling.

Just trying to think how this would come across if op was the one whose boyfriend was insisting no contact, unless emergencies 2 nights every week.

’I see my boyfriend 2 nights a week. He is insists that no one contacts us or disturbs us during these 2 because he works hard and is a single parent and these are his nights off. He has even warned his teens not to contact him in these evenings unless it’s an absolute emergency. My sister broke up with a man she was seeing and wanted to talk to me so rang. I rejected it as I knew it would piss him off. Then I answered and talked to her for a bit.

Later I found out he went on Reddit, said my sister ‘throws herself at men’, is generally awful, my other brother is creepy, that we all have worried dynamic and I am a victim of there’s that can’t not be involved. A while ago ny SM Accused my sister of flirting with our dad and banned her from the house. My boyfriend also said he thinks this is true. Despite not having every witnessed it. He has made us out to be investors weirdos. I don’t even get why he is with me, if this is what he thinks’

i am sure most people would agree the boyfriend was quite awful, controlling and abusive.

I'm with you, OP. I don't think you sound jealous, possessive, abusive or (checks list) controlling. FaceTime is for overseas grandparents and teenagers. A normal audio call would have been fine; in fact, would have been much better for an emergency/private situation. Repeated calling like that is incredibly irritating.

Very strange that posters are pointing out triumphantly that you don't like her, as if it's something you're desperate to conceal. No, you don't like her. Why should you? Does she like you? I don't like her much and I've never met her.

I can't see this relationship lasting, though, tbh.

I find it a bit unusual that your own kids can't contact you unless it's an emergency. I can't imagine imposing that rule on my own children. Aren't you worried that they'll grow up thinking that they weren't allowed to call their mum when she was with a man? Maybe for one particular weekend, but not regularly, for two evenings every week. I can see how you've decided that's normal, and that your bf should do that with his own family too, but it's unusual imo.

Where are the rules that video calling is for over sees grand parents and teens?

Has someone told all the companies, world wide, is not for them? Or people who live in the same country but far away from their parents and grand parents? Or, maybe people like my hearing impaired do who prefers video calls? As he can see the lips moving and usually put at least a whole sentence together. Instead of just picking up bits?

Never understood why people try and enforce a ‘this is only for these people/reasons and no one else should do it’ rules on others.

If my teens can manage 2 nights calling someone else for non emergencies, then his sister can.

Your children aren't allowed to call you when you're with your boyfriend? That's fucked up.

I don't see the issue. Bit annoying but just don't answer if it's not convenient. Not worth getting this upset over.

Oh, for crying out loud. No-one mentioned 'rules' and none of the situations you've described applies here, does it? It wasn't a business call. No-one involved was hard of hearing. It's simply a grown woman who had been dumped, repeatedly calling her brother - and patch the other one in - when he was otherwise engaged. I don't blame the OP for being irritated. So would I have been.

You don't allow your teenagers to contact you?? Wtf 😂 I'm always available for my teens even if it's just to chat. I can't imagine putting a man above my own kids like that