DP and I have a shared hobby, and we drive an hour each way every Saturday to take part in it. We started dating as lockdown eased and I’d stay with him on weekends when it was allowed and we would travel in together. I never knew about the friend. Once mask rules were relaxed, DP said his friend, Jim, would be coming back to join us for the hobby. Jim drives but doesn’t have a car and lives a fair way away and so he gets the train, DP collects him from the station. Then we drive another 45 minutes- then the same in reverse in the evening. This has always been their arrangement and it only stopped because of Covid (friend refused to wear a mask so couldn’t travel by train).
The first time we collected Jim from the station, Jim went to get in the back, but DP indicated to him to get in the front and Jim asked if he was sure, DP said yes (not mentioned this to me before!) and so he got in the front and I got in the back. I quickly realised that Jim smells. Badly. A mix of body odour, urine and… damp? I’m not sure but it’s really quite horrific. DP claimed he couldn’t smell it at first but would always open a window (even on freezing cold days) as soon as Jim got in the car! DP now admits that Jim is “starting to smell a bit”. The smell is getting worse. It’s so strong I can smell it in the car for days afterwards.
A few times recently when we’ve gone to go out on a Sunday (we now live together), I’ve noticed the smell is still pretty bad in the car. It never occurred to me how it must’ve been in the fabric of the chair, etc. it just smells. Once after a day out I thought I could smell a similar, but not as strong, smell on my own clothes as I put them in the wash, but I decided I must be imagining it. Fast forward to this Sunday and we went to hell a friend move and after a while she asked what the smell was. I wasn’t sure what she meant and she said there was a strange smell. Eventually after sniffing her kitchen cupboards etc she clearly realised it was coming from me and asked if everything was alright. We’re very close and I asked her what it smelt of! She said she wasn’t sure but she was certain I had an… odour. Then it dawned on me. I took her to the car which had been closed in the warmth for a couple of hours by now and when we opened then door she said “that, you smell of that!” I told her everything. I was mortified. We went home and I washed my clothes and then washed them again, and took a long hot shower. I could smell it on my jeans. I don’t think he actually messed the seat (it was dry!) but I think somehow the smell is… seeping into the fabric? I’ve just gone to check the car (we haven’t used it since) and it still smells faintly.
I’m really at a loss of what to do! It’s the front passenger seat so I travel in it several times a week (I don’t drive). I’m wondering how many other people have thought I smell vaguely of BO and urine 🤢 This has been going on for months. My DP doesn’t see a problem and quite honestly would probably think it was funny if he knew what had happened on Sunday (I was too annoyed to tell him and have him laugh and find it funny). All I can think of is I start travelling in the back whenever we go out together (which will look and feel very weird, it’s also not the most comfortable of cars and I have back problems). I’m sure DP will be annoyed at this and say I’m over exaggerating, nagging, being difficult etc (and it would be pretty weird when we are the only ones in the car) but I don’t want to smell of someone else’s pee!
We are due to go out in a couple of hours and I’m dreading sitting in the car. It isn’t just the seat that worries me now, it’s the headrest, the belt. Since my friend said I smelt I’m paranoid and I don’t want to sit in a cinema smelling for 2 hours! I’m fully aware people have much bigger problems than this but what can I do that won’t cause issues with DP but also won’t make me feel uncomfortable whenever we go out in his car?