Husband wants to go away for a night when our baby is 4 weeks old…

[SnowBall86]

My husband wants to go away to celebrate his nephews 21st birthday for 1 night and take our son who is 5 with him whilst I will stay at home with our 4 week old baby (recovering from c-section). The drive is around 5 hours. I have a couple of problems with it. Firstly, I think tagging our 5 year old along for a 5h drive each way is a bit too far for one night. Then, I know there might be some alcohol involved since it’s a 21st birthday celebration, so I’m not too keen on what our son is going to experience… also, I think that with 4 week old baby I might need all help I can get including looking after me considering that I don’t know how I’m going to feel recovering from c-section. My DH argument is that his nephew is 21 only once and that he’s helping by taking our son with him…. Am I being unreasonable by not feeling too happy about the whole situation?

For one night? there are a lot of single mothers who dont have on hand help and who cope. My husband was a GP and didnt take any time off as it was a two man practice. He was in work by 8.30 and not back till 7.30 at earliest so never helped with bedtimes or bathtimes...

Well sometimes you've just got to get on with it. It's one night not a 2 week trip to Magaluf.

Right?

I was widowed while pregnant with my second child. I had no choice but to manage with my 4 week old and 2 year old alone. Of course I would rather have had another adult there to share the load, but it's not impossible, especially for one night!

Well sometimes you've just got to get on with it. It's one night not a 2 week trip to Magaluf.

And sometimes you can't just get on with it.

Some other times, you could at great cost, but the benefits in question are not worth it.

What an absolutely awful comment, that perfectly illustrates my point about the revolting attitudes towards C Section recovery.

"Something wrong with a woman who can't manage".

Genuinely disgusting.

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall Where did I say it was or address it to the op? I was responding to a different poster who told me no one has any pain 4 weeks after a c section.

Not like you and other posters insisting on regaling a woman worried about her c section recovery and being alone with a new baby within the time period during which she is still recovering with how amazingly you coped.

So come on now - what exactly is the purpose of your post? Is if you want adoration about how amazing you think you are?

Do you completely lack empathy or the ability to understand that different people recover and respond to things differently?

Are you hoping to make the op feel bad? Are you jealous the op wants her DH to help instead of just getting on with it herself like you had to or what is it?

You know if you actually wanted to help the op you could’ve said a simple ‘ I had a c section and found I was ok at 4 weeks’.

you’re not the only one doing it on this thread but I would seriously question the motivation of posters like you. You’re definitely not posting in the best interests of the op.

@Anonymous48 the op has a choice though so what is your point? Because you had no choice other women should have to do without the help they want and need? That’s a bit of a twisted logic there.

Also who stays in bed for 4 weeks after having a baby! Especially a second one, she can sit on the couch closer to the bottle making facilities if she doesn't want to be up and down the stairs all day or buy pre made ones for 24 hours

The only thing the doctor suggested was unwise, was to push a pram.
Otherwise, moving about is recommended. Bottles and 4 week olds are not particularly heavy.

No. My point is that taking care of your 4 week old baby alone for 24 hours isn't that difficult. (As long as sufficiently recovered from childbirth that is of course.)

That’s the impression I’m getting. It’s gross.

Meh it’s 1 night. 5 weeks in you should be fine. If not, he can cancel near the time I n account of whatever condition you are in/of complications arise. But I’d let him go. He’s probably offering to take the 5yo to help you out but I’d personally keep 5yo at home. My DH went away for 5 nights on a course when DD was 5 wks (post cs) and DS was 4.5. It wasn’t a walk in the park but we coped fine.

I was talking to you about your ridiculous post involving laying in bed and having to climb flights of stairs when actually ready made bottles are a thing .....

Not read all the replies . I’m struggling to understand why you’d have an issue with him going but would get him to leave the 5 year old. It’s one night. Your time will come. If you are formula feeding you could even have a night away over the next few months.

I think you should be able to manage for one night on your own. . Whether or not you want him to take your five year old is something that needs to be discussed between the two of you. Tell him about your concerns.

Personally I don’t see what the issue is, each to their own but I’d be fine looking after a 4 week old baby for 2 days.

id be fine looking after a small child on my own anytime tbh, millions of parents are left on their own unfortunately.

It's ONE night !

He’s taking the five year old with him, which suggests it’s a totally family-friendly party so I can’t see why you’d worry. Five hour car journey each way with snacks, regular stops and music/audiobook/film on and a chance for him to be made a fuss of after probably feeling a bit pushed out by a new sibling.

You’d presumably be taking care of your baby whilst your DH is at work too so it wouldn’t be the first time you’d been in sole charge of a newborn.

I truly can’t see the issue, and there is always room to change the plans if your recovery doesn’t go as smoothly as I hope it does.

Here we go, the competitive post-partum hard nuts.

Because she is not a single mother, or in the army (love how you assume women can only be army WIVES btw), & doesn't need to deprive herself of the comfort & support she wants from her DH just because other people ... don't have a DH.

Obviously some people can drop a child out of their skirts while ploughing the back 100, sling it over their shoulder & return to the plough, but what all the competitive posts are missing is that OP does not want to do that. She wants her DH to put her, & her recovery, ahead of a party.
Thats hardly unreasonable. He presumably wanted this child, the least he can do is stick around the woman who birthed it until she feels fully back to herself.

Why are people so dismissive of the reality of C Sections?

I'm not and I've had two. It might take 4 to 6 weeks for recovery but you really have to move about, it's important that you do and at 4 weeks you should be well on the way providing nothing serious has gone wrong. As I said previously. 4 week old babies and bottles aren't heavy.

I would be ok with this if, and only if, the agreement was to make the final decision a few days before.

That way of anything goes wrong (infection/mastitis/total sleep deprivation/anything else) it’s not a case of having to say “you can’t go anymore”, it’s just an accepted thing that of its only going ahead assuming all is well.

After DS2’s birth DH took the other kids to a wedding for two nights. It was fine. After DD3’s birth, at the same point, it wouldn’t have been fine.

Playing it by ear is always best.

This is totally off topic but I’m a big ROTE fan and noticed your name 😃

You’re lucky he’s taking your 5 yr old with him. Most husbands are back at work, some work away. Enjoy some alone time with your baby. 4 weeks and hopefully you’ll be back on your feet somewhat by then. I’d imagine if he’s taking your 5 yr old with him it’s a family gathering rather then a big lads drunk fest.

I’d be really happy with that. You’ll most likely feel perfectly fine by week 4 and it sounds blissful to just have 1 tiny baby to look after. Netflix and chill

I know quite a few other women who had them, and none of them were hobbling about in pain 4 weeks later

Likewise. I've had two and a couple of people I know have as well. A bit sore for a few days. By 4 weeks it's just a case of not running about or lifting heavy stuff.

My exH went to a work Xmas party several hours drive away, two weeks after my second c-section, leaving me with five year old and two-week old baby. He'd been with the company a while so not like he'd never done the Xmas party scene with them before. His choice of priorities started the long decline of our relationship.