Husband wants to go away for a night when our baby is 4 weeks old…

[SnowBall86]

My husband wants to go away to celebrate his nephews 21st birthday for 1 night and take our son who is 5 with him whilst I will stay at home with our 4 week old baby (recovering from c-section). The drive is around 5 hours. I have a couple of problems with it. Firstly, I think tagging our 5 year old along for a 5h drive each way is a bit too far for one night. Then, I know there might be some alcohol involved since it’s a 21st birthday celebration, so I’m not too keen on what our son is going to experience… also, I think that with 4 week old baby I might need all help I can get including looking after me considering that I don’t know how I’m going to feel recovering from c-section. My DH argument is that his nephew is 21 only once and that he’s helping by taking our son with him…. Am I being unreasonable by not feeling too happy about the whole situation?

I'd be happy with this. Unless there's some weird back story. Why wouldn't you be happy for your husband to take your child for 1 night, with other family members.

That was me, people with 5 year olds don't lay in bed for 4 weeks after having a baby

You seem to think that's what she'll be doing will having to struggle downstairs every few hours because you must be laying in bed 4 weeks later

I had 10 days in hospital after my first Cs so hardly easy going but still had to parent 3 children when I came out as their dad was at work and 4 weeks on would have been fine with just the baby over night

If ops scar becomes infected then I'm sure her dh could cancel the night away

@ForestFae

being focused on his family doesn’t mean he has to be with them 24/7. It’s one night, not a fortnight. If the tables were reversed and it was op wanting to go to party, i would be saying the same.

you sound like the type of person who would tell a pregnant woman considering going on a night out to “just focus on your pregnancy”. Like what does that mean? Sit staying at your bump 24/7?

Why? Wouldn't you relish the opportunity of 24 hours with just you and the baby, knowing that your other child was having fun with his dad?

My DH argument is that his nephew is 21 only once

Fucksake.
Your argument should be that you hope you only have a caesar once, but that as you HAVE had one, due to HIS baby, he can damn well suck up some of the lows along with the highs of family life, & damn well stay home to tend to his recently-cut-open wife.

@Anonymous48 so you feel quite free to comment on how it’s ‘likely’ the op will be well recovered from her c section despite knowing nothing about her medical history but you couldn’t possibly comment and indeed seem to snidely be implying the previous poster shouldn’t make a comment based on how ‘likely’ it is the op has stairs in her house. Hilarious 😂 😂

Oh and all that bed staying isn't advised after a csection unless you want to end up with clots

I think it’s fine but I’d keep the 5 year old at home.

It’s literally 4 weeks after having had a baby. I wouldn’t want to look after a tiny baby by myself, with no help from my husband. And I’d be hurt that he wanted to leave it all to me.

I think it's probably not the right environment
For a five year old, but for one night I'd be happy with the five to and the baby. I don't know anyone who wasn't up and about normally 4 weeks post section.

Well, no, neither would I, but you'd be surprised how many women are married or partnered to me who can't/won't control their drinking. If OP wasn't worried about how her husband will handle the situation, she wouldn't have raised the alcohol as a concern. Maybe she's only worried that he'll witness other people behaving badly while drunk, not that he'll get utterly pissed himself, but to me, that's part and parcel of being able to trust your husband's judgement.

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall how exactly is your own personal experience relevant to the op?

if you care to read the actual thread you would see the references to bed are not in relation to her being in bed for 4 weeks solid but in relation to the many posters insisting she will have a wonderful time lying in bed while baby sleeps all day and night and she eats pizza and watches Netflix.

*to men, not me.

YABU

It wasn't me who made up the detail about the stairs, that I don't think any of us know about. I'm not sure what's funny about that.

My point still stands. There is absolutely no reason in theory why the husband shouldn't take their 5 year old away overnight 4 weeks post C-section. When the time comes, of course it's possible that it wouldn't actually be feasible, in which case the plans can be cancelled.

I wouldn’t want to look after a tiny baby by myself, with no help from my husband

Good thing you’re not a military wife or a single parent then. It doesn’t take two people to look after a four week old baby.

I am 4 weeks into a c recovery and painted a spare room yesterday.

The first week was bloody brutal - severe pain. Second week - moderate pain with some severe pain if doing a stupid movement. Weeks 3+ we’re fine for me and went from strength to strength.

So hopefully you will be fine by then. Might even enjoy the time just you can the little one.

I would say yes to DP but if your not up to it that he has to cancel without a grump.

Most people can look after a 4 week old baby and their other children overnight. If OP has a particularly hard recovery dh can cancel but why couldn’t she look after her own children for 24 hours???

Well then how exactly is your friend's personal experience relevent?

That's true. I guess I missed that detail in the OP. If she can't trust her husband's judgment when it comes to taking care of their son, then I think she has bigger issues than this one night.

Yes, it is a good thing, I wouldn’t enjoy either of those situations. Looking after a baby alone can be unpleasant - it shouldn’t all be left to the wife at four weeks.

Is it this weekend or in the future? I am not sure whether you've already had the baby or not. If In the future, can he confirm more near the time. You might be fine

My third child was a caesarian. My other two were aged two years and five months and one and three months...so three under 30 months. I came home within 36 hours, only stayed in one night as the baby was in SCBU for a night. He was born on the Sunday and we went to a wedding two hours away on the Saturday and took all the kids. We stayed in a hotel in Brighton for two nights and it was really a nice little break. I was breastfeeding and it was fine. Caesars leave a small scar and heal pretty quickly usually. Four weeks post caesar you will be fine.

@ForestFae

"It’s literally 4 weeks after having had a baby. I wouldn’t want to look after a tiny baby by myself, with no help from my husband."

Really? It's not that difficult, you know. Especially if you don't have any other children to take care of.

It’s one night @ForestFae, how hard can it be? There’s something wrong with an adult woman who can’t manage a baby on her own for 24 hours.