Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

Yep

Teenagers are by far the most expensive in my experience.

But expensive hobbies and clothes are optional - surely you're only paying for those things through choice?

Whereas childcare is a must for most people if you need to work.

What I don’t get is why on here people often bang on about the cost of food and how expensive it is, but ignore that massive increase in cost for teenagers. It’s crazy how much teen boys can eat. My middle DS will eat multiple eggs on toast as a snack after school and still eat supper and then bed time snacks too (and there’s no wasted fat not on him, just a big muscles, athletic boy).

I have three teenage boys, I’ll break down just some of the costs, for others it will be different and varies year on year but it’s a lot more.

-Bus fare to and from school per day (per child) - £8

-Men’s size clothing; trousers/shirts/jumpers/shoes/trainers - they grow constantly and this needs replacing not infrequently and all at different times. Adults clothes cost way way more than those of tinies and you don’t have spares to pass down very often and so this needs to be bought repeatedly per child over the teen years. One of my sons outgrew his PE kit twice in one school (I.e. I bought it three times).

-ex curric club fees/kit/boots/weekly costs - £500 per season and that’s just one sport, one boy (mine play circa 2-3 each)

-massive additional cost in petrol (and time) to all excurric games/practices and school games/practices

-fees for things like school trips (biology/field trips etc) - this school year for one son it’s £1000 probably more and that doesn’t include full D of E fees another trip.

-massive increased cost of school supplies and additional study resources. This is state school and yes, this is needed, £25 per month

I haven’t included the costs of tech (phones, laptops etc), the utterly insane increased cost in food per child, the extra month to do things together as a family, or their socialising money/pocket money, the general increase in cost for non-school uniform clothes, the money they have per day for incidentals etc at tuck shop after school
etc

Even their items for leisure activities cost more. An art set for a tiny costs pence unless you’re buying adult stuff for them to draw with (why would you). A proper art set costs more for an older kid. Ditto for bikes, footballs, etc

I am told teen girls costs way more too. I can believe it.

I haven’t included the half of it here - cost of family holiday for example once they’re >12 is same as adult. Cost to do things is way more when they’re older. Sitting on a beach with a plastic bucket and spade with an ice cream periodically for 7 days doesn’t cut it - activities cost way more.

And until they’re older, you do still have some
childcate costs, it doesn’t just disappear when they’re 11.

I spend so much more now than I did when my three were young and I worked had a nanny.

They are a choice, you're right. But as long as I can afford it and I'm not scrimping on food or heating then I want to give DS the best of what life can offer, I'm sure most parents feel the same. I wouldn't buy a more expensive house if it meant I had to sacrifice other things for DS, my current house is perfectly fine.

You could make your kid a social pariah and not buy things you can afford, not put them in any clubs, not pay for school trips, nor the cinema etc just because you don’t want to spend it, but I don’t know many who would and why would you anyway 🫤

A bored teen is a destructive teen and like the saying goes ‘ the devil makes work for idle hands’ They’ll eventually get money from somewhere and that’s best avoided.

One of the best ways to keep your teen out of trouble, and I mean proper trouble is to get them involved in clubs/hobbies etc - this costs money.

Completely agree.
A joyless teenhood just because it’s optional to do more sounds pretty bleak.

We all only need to buy supermarket clothes and value food too by that reasoning as well.

A joyless teenhood just because it’s optional to do more sounds pretty bleak.

Surely there's a middle ground between giving them the best life can offer & a joyless experience? My parents could afford to buy me driving lessons but thought it important for me to pay for somethings myself.

I would think it must be quite difficult to be a teenager/young adult & have thousands spent on you each month to then having to support yourself as the vast majority of teenagers won't land 100k jobs so won't have loads of excess cash a month.

There is a middle ground for teens I agree. But also, if I have the choice, time and money, I would want to give mine the best leg up in life I can.

I remember working from 14 years at weekends and evenings. To afford bus to school, social life, clothing, driving lessons, essentials. It just meant I never had much freetime to do nicer hobbies and also was always behind on school work and study compared to friends who had the whole weekend free.
Also if they go to uni the same applies, many courses now say they don’t recommend working alongside course, so if you have to your always going to struggle compared to others.
Working in the summer holidays each year, and parent support if possible seems a good compromise

Of course tenji

My kids aren’t decked out head to toe in designer gear with the latest everything as it comes out, and that’s not what I said was standard, nor the point I was responding to either.

But paying for no clubs and buying no clothes that are fashionable and that a teen wants, is UR if you can afford to do so, on occasion.

Where did your figure of thousands per month come from? Who has suggested that this isn’t norm and/or reasonable?

I was one of the posters that said surely the younger yrs were more expensive as you pay thousands for childcare. I can't see myself spending that much on teens. And I don't think it's a bad thing to not buy my dc a car, driving lessons, loads of clothes etc even if I can afford it. Clubs aren't an issue and I will pay for that. School trips likewise but they don't have to do all of them.

I'd pay for DS's driving lessons if I could afford it personally. They're very expensive nowadays.

Agree with this.

My eldest got those for his 17th.
Lessons, his provisional, and we’ll pay for one go each at his theory and practical too.

@Caspianberg I had a Saturday job from the age of 17 on Bond street & loved it. I worked the holidays too & then at uni got a Saturday job in Oasis, again a good experience although granted uni may have changed.

There is a middle ground for teens I agree. But also, if I have the choice, time and money, I would want to give mine the best leg up in life I can.

I suppose it's also how you were raised. So my parents were tight in some ways but prioritised education & house deposits. I wouldn't have been able to buy in London without that help. I will do the same for my dc. I'm less inclined to fund lots of clothes & tech.

Most of mine are grown. In my experience they get more expensive steadily over the years.

I'd pay for DS's driving lessons if I could afford it personally. They're very expensive nowadays.

I paid for my own & they were expensive then. I only learnt in my late 20s, being a Londoner I really didn't need a car & it will be the same for my dc. But I understand depending on where you live it may be more of a priority.

No tenji they don’t.

If you look at my post, I didn’t factor in seixing lessons as a cost, but it’s all the other stuff too.

It adds up day, by day, over time.

Half term treat of cinema and dinner tomorrow night for five of us here - guess how much that’s going to cost? It’s minor stuff like this that is a treat he’s but entirely reasonable to pay for when you have teens on occasion: it adds up.

Don’t kid yourself about the extra cost of teens.

Howbkixh is your childcare per child per month on average?

I agree. It just creeps in doesn’t it and you honestly don’t realise where it can possibly come from until it happens.

If you don't pay for childcare now how does he think it will get cheaper when they get their 30hrs?

He is in for a shock.

Children are consistently expensive…
The baby/toddler/infant years require nursery/nanny/childminder fees and often hours are reduced at work.
Teenagers cost a fortune (car, Uni, socialising etc).

Haha!
So you had a house deposit given to you and bought in London too?
😂

I rather think then you should rethink things here a little, how money was spent on you and how others may spend it on their kids too.

Are you saving for a house deposit for your kids too? They can have that but no rugby subs or boots (for example?)

Half term treat of cinema and dinner tomorrow night for five of us here - guess how much that’s going to cost? It’s minor stuff like this that is a treat he’s but entirely reasonable to pay for when you have teens on occasion: it adds up.

At least £60 for cinema & then dinner will depend on where you go.

Don’t kid yourself about the extra cost of teens.

Where have I done that? I just don't think it will cost more than the nursery years. And even though i'm in the cheaper primary years now I still have stuff to pay for. No childcare needed this wk but cinema trip, zoo trip, swimming, one night in country hotel, various meals out still cost.

It does. Educational expenses increase, clothes cost more (even if modest), extra curriculars, they eat more, maybe one or more need specialist schooling if they are into high level music (cost of instruments and lessons!) or an elite sport, for example. Then there's when they go to university. Mine live at home free when at university and get as much support as we can give them, while still taking care of their own basic living expenses like clothes and entertainment. There's always something and that something seems to be increasingly expensive as they get older.

So you had a house deposit given to you and bought in London too?

Yes because I'm a Londoner (so could also save at home). Not sure why that is funny?

I rather think then you should rethink things here a little, how money was spent on you and how others may spend it on their kids too.

I did say I guess I prioritise differently.

Are you saving for a house deposit for your kids too?

Yes & I said so upthread. To me that's the biggest leg up.

They can have that but no rugby subs or boots (for example?)

Where have I said that? I agree with your point that clubs keep them busy & mine do clubs now.