Is DH being unrealistic...when are kids most expensive??

[Keha]

Having a big debate with DH. He thinks we should move to a more expensive house in next couple if years. Currently have DD aged 2 and am 30 weeks pregnant. Things would be tight financially, but DH reckons it will be much easier financially once kids are in school/getting 30 hours nursery. In his words "they'll never be as expensive as they are now".

I think he is being unrealistic. Yes nursery is a lot, or in our case we both work part time to provide child care so our income is reduced. But even at school surely we'll spend a fortune on wrap around care, activities, hobbies etc. And as they get older they'll eat more, want more. We've just come back from our first proper family holiday and it was eye opening looking at entry prices for older kids etc. I don't want to be scraping by for the next 20 years to have a slightly bigger house.

So who is right? When were you kids the most expensive? Pre school? Primary? Teenagers??

(For context, our jobs are such that we don't expect huge increases in salary over the years)

Well he is being a bit unreasonable to want to buy now when the market is at a crazy high/possible peak unless you've got loads of equity...why stretch yourself now when houses will be getting better soon?

Sadly, technology is not always optional.

For us, university years have been most expensive (only needed part time nursery). For courses starting this year, the parental contribution is £15,210 for 3-year course, living away from home and outside of London, for families with a household income that qualifies the student for only the minimum maintenance loan. Martin Lewis has a calculator suggesting how much to save per month for this.

Nursery was def the most expensive. Mine aren't proper teens yet. We've used the money spent on childcare to buy a bigger house. If they want driving lessons and uni, then unless the cost of living goes down again, there won't be anything left over for that. Which is a shame, because my kids will be in a worse position than I was. In spite of having 2 parents in professional jobs.

Childcare and maternity leave are very expensive but beyond that babies and toddlers are much less expensive than older DC..

Wrap around care is 300 pcm. Swimming lessons 30pcm. Only one DC though.

Tbh after full time school and wraparound DD just wants to hang around the house at weekends or do playdates.

I would say preschool is the most expensive. Those childcare fees don't compare to having a teen. DS does have expensive uniform, school trips, wanting to go out and eating ALL the food etc but it still isn't a patch on full time childcare, and without the need for childcare, I have more time and my earning potential is greater.

We are / have paid 3 through Uni at £1100 a month each
Plus driving lessons and they eat us out of house and home when back from Uni
They have never been so expensive!

University age I think. They have had to take out loans for tuition fees but we pay for their accommodation, food and phone (£1000) per DC. They work to pay for petrol, clothes, study materials, social. They are doing 4 year degrees so the pain lasts longer than nursery fees!

I've just been on the Martin Lewis calculator. I naively assumed ds would get loans to cover him. Lewis reckons we need to start saving at least 700 per month. Yeah right! We are tight each month. Defintely not able to save any money.

Brilliant way of putting us all back in our box though. I'm the first generation in my family to go to uni, and possibly the last too, looking at that.

But when they were at nursery surely it was over £1000 a month if you are full-time? And you still had to buy clothes and do activities?

Clothes for babies/toddlers are much cheaper than clothes for older children though, especially once you factor in school uniforms, PE kits...

Holidays are 12 weeks of the year, there are about 7 bank holidays within them plus most couples would have 10 weeks annual leave between them. So holiday care doesn't have to cost a fortune

Most parents won't split the holidays bang down the middle though as people want to go away as a family. Childcare costs will vary - around here it's very cheap £26 for 11 hours of care (7am-6pm) but even that's £125 per week for one child, so not insignificant.

Obviously you don't want to use all leave on school hols and want to take some together but I still don't think it needs to be a crazy amount. Certainly not compared to £1000 Evey month.

I suppose it depends on your lifestyles - everyone will be different. I can easily see how it could add up to 1k per month once you add absolutely everything together.

I was going to say the uni years but then I realised that even paying living costs for two at uni it was less than nursery fees.
Mine were at nursery in the 90s though before everyone got government funding for childcare.

I definitely wasn't thinking as far ahead as uni, but quite shocked by the Martin Lewis calculator.

The expense is massive and constant

I see 19 year olds driving brand new Audi’s now and they don’t work! How is that?

Borrowed a parent’s car.

This!

DS14 has fewer clubs/after school care/kids parties etc so he is cheaper in that regards HOWEVER he has expensive hobbies and taste in clothes both of which far outweigh his costs in primary school!!!

I have 3 x adult dc

IME the Pre-school years were the most expensive as, for us, it was something we HAD to pay. Some of the teenage stuff people are quoting is optional.
For example, mine all paid for their own driving lessons by working PT in 6th form.

Yes, if your dc go to University, and if your joint income means they get a minimum loan, then it can be expensive supporting them, but, again, there are things you can do to mitigate that and a) they might not go and b) the system might change by then.

You might not be paying out much for Nursery, but you are down on salary, so it is not only equivalent, but is forgetting that you aren't paying in to pensions and that you are putting yourself out of the workforce.

So I think the early years are the most expensive in terms of you not having an option of not paying.

I'm still yet to see anyone demonstrate how teenagers can cost you £1k a month each while simultaneously lopping a big chunk off your earning potential, and that's before a preschooler eats anything, wears anything, or does a single activity.

The second mine are both in school, wraparound and holiday care is available at a much lower per-hour than I currently pay and I'm also paying for about twenty-five hours less of it a week and also earning more on account of going back to FT.

This ^

i think you should be evaluating the move on the basis of mortgage interest rates rather than nursery costs over the next few years at this time.

Technology isn't optional, but it being brand new and top of the range is. Same with phones. No one needs the latest duper expensive iphone. No one needs the new games console. If you can afford them great, but there are not essential to having a teenager. And even if they were, you don't buy them every month.

Mine were at nursery in the 90s though before everyone got government funding for childcare.

but everyone doesn't get government funding.

And even if they were, you don't buy them every month.

how often are people replacing ipads & phones & laptops? I don't upgrade mine every-time a new model comes out so I won't be doing it for the dc.

Childcare is so expensive and generally, non-negotiable if you haven't got family to help out/need to work full-time. The difference as they get older is that you have a choice about much of what you spend.

Having children is a constant stream of expense, but I would say the primary school years are the least expensive. Pre school and teenage costs depend on your set up. If you aren't paying for pre school childcare then teenage is definitely more expensive, but as PP have said, pre school childcare is often inflexible in terms of discretionary spend. I found it liberating not having nursery bills, even though our spend is now back to a comparable level with teenagers.