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AIBU?

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To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time? Thread 2

610 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 30/05/2022 11:23

Continuing from 1st thread.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
33
mama3bears · 03/09/2022 09:52

Congratulations to you all Flowers

WitchDancer · 03/09/2022 10:38

Congratulations!

teddyclown · 03/09/2022 11:04

Congratulations, fantastic news 💕

notapizzaeater · 03/09/2022 11:54

Fantastic news xx

legosunqueen · 03/09/2022 13:43

Wonderful news, congratulations!

PoAhOh · 03/09/2022 16:28

Happy Birthday very special babies 💝
Many congratulations 💕
Great day for a birthday, mine today too !!

JustMoved123 · 06/09/2022 06:16

Congratulations!

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 01/10/2022 23:44

Spider dance

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 01/10/2022 23:45

Spider dance

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 01/10/2022 23:46

Spider dance

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 01/10/2022 23:46

Spider dance

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 01/10/2022 23:48

Spider dance

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 01/10/2022 23:48

Spider dance

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?  Thread 2
OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 02/10/2022 13:00

So are you dressed as a cactus today ?

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 02/10/2022 13:04

Not sure I am following this? Spider dance?

olympicsrock · 02/10/2022 15:34

Hello OP , you are being particularly funny today. Sending love and hope all is well with you xx

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 02/10/2022 17:24

I was sat quietly knitting last night when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. There was a huge, donkey spider running up my jeans towards my jumper. It was colossal.

I threw my knitting. My cable needle ended up in the next room. I screamed several times whilst jumping up and down quickly (the spider dance) trying to shake it off me.

Don't know if it's the same one as I put outside recently, but it is now deceased.

There's also one that ran at me in a zigzag manner when I returned to my bedroom to dry my hair on Thursday morning. It went to hide under my bed. Since then I have been getting undressed on top of my bed and leaving my clothes next to me on top of the bed. Everything I pick up is shaken and inspected for monster spiders as we seem to have been overtaken by them this year.

The most common place for the spider dance is in the bathroom - they particularly like to wait for me on my bath towel.

@olympicsrock
H thinks that he has pneumonia - which is highly likely as his best friend has been in hospital recently with the viral version.

OP posts:
KeziaOAP · 02/10/2022 17:36

Spiders in the house this autumn are huge much bigger than normal house spiders - think they're the Cardinal variety.

How are DD and twins?

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 02/10/2022 20:01

@KeziaOAP

Twins are 4 weeks old now. They are far too cute for words. Big sister is right now beginning to possibly resent them - she's started to be a little rough and her general behaviour has gone off the slope.

DD is great health wise, but perturbed by the state of her collapsed stomach. She has a hard and painful lump above her naval and is wondering whether to leave it until the 8 wk check.

She was amazed with how 'easy' it was for the first three weeks 🤣 ( partner was at home). But this last week has been very hard because of lack of sleep - they no longer settle back to sleep as readily during the night.

Everyone comments that she is looking incredibly well and she does. She looks so beautiful - possibly because she's not so gaunt/skinny now. She looks amazing. Her face looks far more attractive a little more fuller. (I would say she's gone up to size 8/10 but I know she will be anxious to return to her usual size 4 (dresses) and 6 jeans.)

She has the patience of a saint and she gets on with muddling through the day. I'm so proud of her (and my other son and daughter).

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 02/10/2022 21:40

Lovely news. Is DH still behaving badly?

olympicsrock · 02/10/2022 22:35

Glad to hear they are all well.
DD should get this mass checked out pronto. I won’t go into details but please do . Xxx

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 03/10/2022 06:57

@Wallywobbles

DH is indeed still behaving badly. He didn't talk to me for more than a week recently. (Which suits me.). This was because he went to our static caravan with his father on my birthday for four nights and I told him how thoughtless he was.

He's convinced that he's not got long to live - the consultant said he had normal life expectancy but he doesn't believe this and he resents me looking after the children instead of travelling the world and spending money. I wouldn't even walk across the road to post a letter with him - I hate his company.

I haven't time to list all his twattery - I don't know him anymore and I don't like him. He has nothing to do and all day to do it. He just sits thinking it's his last day on earth. Good luck with that one - mate!

I refuse to change track because he feels sorry for himself.

OP posts:
Midlifemusings · 03/10/2022 08:39

I haven't followed your threads too closely but has your DH been open to therapy or counselling? Near death experiences and medical trauma can be very impactful and it sounds like he hasn't really processed or worked though how it all affected him.

I had a couple near death experiences and it did alter me completely as a person. The things that I had thought mattered in many ways just didn't and what I wanted from life changed. I wish I had done therapy at the time to help me better figure out who this new person was.

olympicsrock · 05/10/2022 20:49

DH doesn’t seem to appreciate what a huge effect this has had on you ! Yes to counselling! Xx

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 05/10/2022 23:32

Hmmm - he wouldn't consider counselling for one minute because there's nothing wrong with him. He's absolutely perfect - couldn't be more perfect.

He's on antibiotics at the moment for a chest infection and the GP also prescribed carbocysteine again.

I've just been to wake him as he's been asleep for the past few hours (he gets angry if I leave him downstairs and 'creep off to bed') and he started shouting at me for waking him up. I can't do right for doing wrong. He picks fault with every single thing - I'm trying my best to avoid him. I breathed a sigh of relief when I got home today and his car wasn't on the drive - but then I just sat anxiously anticipating him coming back and starting another blazing argument. He twists everything I say and turns everything into a nasty, vindictive battle. We go around in circles for half an hour. I say so what is it that you want me to change - we go around the houses again, he starts to realise he's an unreasonable arsehole and he says 'nothing' - and on it goes.

Then he carries on as normal/as if he hasn't called me all the names under the sun whilst I'm still stewing in the juices.

If I walk away and say I'm not playing this game he follows me and becomes even more incensed.

I dread getting out of bed now because I've no idea which battles I'll be facing. I think that when your mental health is on the downward slide your physical health suffers. I'm waiting for an MRI scan - which is on my mind. I feel like I just want to crawl into a corner and cry, howl, scream, collapse in a heap and never get back up again. Stop the world, I want to get off.

I'm conscious that all the pain and angst is reflected in my face (which is usually a good impression of a resting bitch face) but it's now magnified by this weight of hopelessness which has turned me into a miserable, utter wretch. I can't bear to catch sight of my reflection - I don't recognise the ugliness. He's turned me into something ugly.

I think I'm masking my new sham life adequately and then I'll spot myself in a window or shiny surface and I think that all my secrets are clear for everyone to see - just as I see them so clearly glaring back at me.

My children can accept that their father has changed but I can't - I don't know why I can't. But we do put it down to some sort of brain change and wonder if this is as good as it gets (one of my fave films).

One small bonus is that we are still in separate bedrooms - my little piece of calm where I seem to spending more and more time.

I feel bad because I know I should be 'on cloud nine' (whatever that is but it sounds positive) I have a lot to be thankful for. My son and daughters hold me up and keep me going, my grandchildren are just the best little characters. They are joyful - I love being with them, laughing with them - but I'm frightened that there's a point when I will no longer be able to laugh.

I'm worried that there will be a point when I'll just come to a stop. I feel like that point is rushing towards me. And I worry how that will affect my children.

I'm dreading this weekend. It could be fantastic or something completely .... I don't know any more. I can't think - my head hurts.

OP posts: