To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time? Thread 2

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

Continuing from 1st thread.

Great update! Perhaps you'll get a moment to process it all and do a bit of recovery yourself? : Flowers:

Another who has been quietly following from the very first post. What a great update, and such relief. Make some time for yourself OP - join me in a glass of wine 🍷

Wonderful news OP. I’m really glad that you have been reassured and relieved for you and DH. Perhaps he will stop being such a selfish Wally now and appreciate you a bit.
thanks for lovely message - it has been a pleasure helping you and getting to know you and @Fraaahnces . We are on holiday and I just checked in to check things were ok. Saddo that I am!

I’m looking forward to hearing lovely news of the news being born and seeing your beautiful creations for them.
Celebrate tonight! Much love xxx

And I’ll raise a glass for you both tonight. I’ve read every message since that awful night in March when you couldn’t get an ambulance transfer. I’ve marvelled at your sense of humour and enjoyed your writing even in those darkest worrying times. Good luck to you and all the little ones, born and unborn.

I’m so pleased to hear your news.
Your love for your family shines so brightly through all your posts. I’m sure you have unintentionally inspired many of us with your strength and stoicism too.
Best wishes.

What a wonderful update! I'm so happy for you all xxx

Lovely update OP, take it easy

Lovely news @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche Hopefully DD can enjoy a few weeks rest before the arrival of the babies and DH will wind his neck in a bit. One day I hope everyone celebrates everything you are. They are so very lucky to have you.

@Fraaahnces

we're planning a large party (during the day, neighbours invited) to round things off. It would be fab if everyone here could come!

we've missed a few family birthdays since March and since H's head is still not functioning (he went out for a couple of chops and came back with two huge bagfuls of meat) we're having a hog roast. Never had a catered doo before - it's so relaxing. Don't have to fret about anything - I'll just get someone to help me drag the bouncy castle out of the garage and we'll be ready.

An anecdote for @olympicsrock

i've never seen H cry so much lately. Not seen him cry, ever, before this episode. Last night he became upset - information about his surgery is coming out in drips and drabs. The consultant said that the 'pack' used for the operation was completed used up, normally most of the pack isn't required and it gets thrown away.

H also keeps bringing up the fact that his heart was on the table next to him during the procedure - he can't quite grasp this concept. He was pondering how superstar celebrities/footballers are paid in millions when it's surgeons who most deserve the wealth and adulation. I have to agree.

The consultant said that the 'pack' used for the operation was completed used up, normally most of the pack isn't required and it gets thrown away.

why did the consultant mention this ? was he illustrating that it was a long and complicated surgery ?

If he is having difficulty processing what happened does the hospital offer any counselling? Our local ITU has an outreach team which includes a psychologist and group sessions for survivors and their families, for example.

The party and hog roast sounds wonderful!

The communication with the surgeon sounds really confused. Re ‘the pack’ do they mean that they replaced a long section of aorta with a graft ? It’s fixed and that’s all that matters.

The bit about the heart being on the table is odd - I don’t think that is correct.

@LIZS idea of a debrief is a really good one. I think it will help him come to terms with all this and straighten things out in his head.

It feel like this is one of those novels where everything g is perfect in the end ( clearly it’s real) - so glad that soon you will have two little babes to cuddle!

enjoy every moment of your celebration. You deserve it!

@LIZS

he definitely is, but wouldn't admit it.

they do have a service - my daughter's NDN's daughter works there - psychological services

he would never admit he needs further help

I've been also following along quietly in the background and rooting for you all. I'm so delighted to hear how well everything is going!

My daughter is being kept in hospital overnight - she's been having regular tightenings all day. She went to the hospital straight from work to be checked out. (Wonder where she gets that from?)

if things settle overnight she can go home for bed rest - she has a toddler daughter.

they have said she has a 6% chance of labouring in the next two weeks - from the swab. Which is neither here nor there - her older sister was told she had a zero percent chance of going into labour and gave birth less than 12 hrs later.

just when things are finally turning round ....

I had what was known as an “Irritable Uterus” (given that the rest of me was irritable at that stage, it didn’t surprise me…) The weight of the twins pushing on the cervix caused symptoms like that. “Threatened labour”, if you will. I ended up on bed rest in hospital. She may be told to finish work early.

Oh OP - just as you thought things were calming down :(

How many weeks is she now?

@Fraaahnces Yes - it is irritable uterus. Her tightenings were 4 in 10 min and getting up to 100% on the monitor. They kept her in Thursday night and she got home Friday evening. (They wanted to keep her in but she said she would be able to relax more at home.) She's been told 'bed rest' as they think it could lead to premature labour. Even the movement of the twins is setting off quite strong tightenings. Every movement she makes sets them off.

she's signed off from work now, she was only going to do another two weeks.

@Zonder - she's 30 +2 wks. Her first came at 34 wks.

I think you need to accept that they will probably come out to play early. Meanwhile, mine kept “irritating” my uterus and I got to 39 bloody uncomfortable weeks. (Will admit that I was threatening to take them out myself with a knife and fork.) Assuming their growth is good, she may require a steroid shot for their lungs, but they will probably be born healthy and strong at this stage. (Tiny though…)

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche I know this isn't about me but I just wanted to share something regarding surgery...

I have had lots of bowel operations (20+ over a period of twenty plus years) Some really serious and have always been fine (mentally) Bounced back pretty quickly.

I now have cancer and had a big operation end of March. Long (over ten hours) and required time in intensive care as I had major problems with intubation tubes after being brought round (I think it's called stridor) I had my throat cut and couldn't speak. I still have palsy in one chord so can't raise my voice- I don't sound like me.

I felt so so traumatised after that operation. I was eighty Miles from home, no visitors, felt so unwell and honestly felt as though I had been assaulted. I cried every day for a fortnight after I came home. I am finding it very difficult although they are trying to save my life and I have more surgery in ten days. I also became belligerent afterwards- the surgeon wanted to see me a week after operation and I refused to go. I felt duped.

I think being faced with your own mortality is scary. I also talked through the things that happened to me over and over to try and make sense of something I have little or no memory of.

Time is a great healer (sorry for waffling)

@Stomacharmeleon I’m sorry you have been through so much. Sending you flowers and very best wishes.💐

@Stomacharmeleon

I think I know what you mean when you say you felt duped - H has said exactly the same.

he's not been prepared for a long recovery - he was trying to 'get back to normal' from the start.

I was also thinking that part of his personality change was something to do with him feeling weaker and therefore 'less manly'. I was wondering if he was acting more aggressively because he has to prove that he's still a 'caveman'.

I hope your surgery goes well and your recovery goes smoothly. 🤗 for you.

You might have it with the “manly” thing. I remember you saying that he had suffered from ED for years and one of the first conversations you had with him while he was still in hospital was about him feeling “stirrings”. Probably not unrelated.

How are things?