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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time? Thread 2

610 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 30/05/2022 11:23

Continuing from 1st thread.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
33
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 05/07/2022 16:00

My son and daughter don't think it's a good idea to tell their sister (expecting twins) about his condition.

when she messages him - everything is fine according to him.

we don't want to cause her any stress.

OP posts:
CustardySergeant · 05/07/2022 16:01

What a hellish, terrifying situation. I'm disgusted that the consultant is ignoring you.

Zonder · 05/07/2022 16:19

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 05/07/2022 16:00

My son and daughter don't think it's a good idea to tell their sister (expecting twins) about his condition.

when she messages him - everything is fine according to him.

we don't want to cause her any stress.

Does she have any idea?

I think this could be a massive mistake and cause a rift between her and all of you. If / when something bad happens and she finds out you all knew she will find that very tough.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 05/07/2022 16:21

What a hellish situation. He’s a grown man and probably frightened but there is really only so much you can do. Could you perhaps stay with one of your children for a few days or maybe ask your son to talk to him? I know he has listened to him in the past.

olympicsrock · 05/07/2022 16:26

Sending love and thinking of you. So sorry that you are going through this hell.
distraction today….. there is an amazing tennis match on . Djokovic in trouble!

HannahSternDefoe · 05/07/2022 18:00

@olympicsrock not enough trouble, unfortunately. Grin
@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche I'm sorry he's being such an arse. 🍰

notapizzaeater · 05/07/2022 18:07

Why are men such stubborn dickheads !

riserved · 05/07/2022 19:04

I've had similar problems this year, I rang for an ambulance anyway. He told them he wasn't going in to A&E again and they talked him round, they were a lot bigger than him. He went.

Good luck OP.

notapizzaeater · 07/07/2022 15:00

I keep checking back - hope everything's eek

notapizzaeater · 07/07/2022 15:00

Or even OK ! Bloody autocorrect ....

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 07/07/2022 16:16

I've been in bed the past couple of days - some type of vomiting virus. Slept for most of it (in between the dashing to the loo). Thought it was a migraine coming on as I noticed that my stomach had stopped emptying.

Feel extremely guilty.

it's been hard - but managing to go downstairs today for cooler water. (H brought me bottled water and painkillers and has been avoiding contact.)

I'm fancying grapes so must be getting better.

And rice pudding. 🤔

or maybe custard ....

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 07/07/2022 17:29

Youve nothing to feel guilty for, your body obv needed a rest and has made you have one !

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 07/07/2022 18:59

Thank goodness for mattress protectors - that caught me unawares.

Fifty bloody five - first time that's ever happened.

sweating and shaking now.

this is going on too long - thought I would be better now.

didn't even know Wednesday had been and gone.

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 07/07/2022 20:15

Sending love and best wishes!
plenty of fluids xx

RhymesWithAntelope · 07/07/2022 21:06

Oh bless you OP

You really have been through the ringer

Wishing you a speedy recovery Flowers

HannahSternDefoe · 07/07/2022 21:26

Plenty of fluids - don't take imodium (better out than in IYSWIM)
Take it slow and steady when you do feel better. 💐

Fraaahnces · 07/07/2022 23:46

Oh Honey, we’ve had that bug in our house too. It’s awful. Because of your heart, you need to ensure your electrolytes are up. Do you have some kind of replacement drink/ice-Lolly?

timeisnotaline · 08/07/2022 01:56

I do hope you are better soon. When you feel better, worth looking around and realising EVERYONE had to manage without you. You need to take care of yourself, as if it were something worse everyone would also have to manage without you. And everyone can survive without you so if you take that time out for you, you will be able to help them for much longer.
personally I’d use this as a reset and just say the grandchildren are coming back into our house when you resume caring for them, and tell your dh he won’t lie dying thinking thank goodness I banned all my grandchildren from the house for my last few months. Harsh, but true.

BetsyBigNose · 10/07/2022 20:06

How are you feeling today @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche ? I've been thinking of you and your family, sending healing thoughts and my very best wishes. Flowers

Fraaahnces · 12/07/2022 13:08

Sorry about disappearing for a bit. Had my 50th bday party on Saturday (which was outstanding!!!) then on my actual Bday (Mon) I tested +. What a poop!!! Now letting everyone know and feeling super guilty!

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 12/07/2022 15:04

thank you everyone for the unending support

this feels like the end of the road

i feel well for the first time in a week today - back to drinking coffee - which I missed

but the good news is that H finally had his first check post surgery (seemed like an extraordinarily long wait) and he's doing much better than expected. He's now on only two drugs (amiodarone and clopidogrel) and those can stop in the next six months.

the pain he is experiencing is normal post op pain after this amount of surgery. He shouldn't have stopped all the painkillers yet.

it was all doom and gloom yesterday as we had the last ever BBQ, last glass of wine, last watering of the vegetable plot, last bit of sitting outside listening to music - he was convinced the surgery hadn't worked and that today he would be taken back into hospital for further surgery and he would die. On Sunday he said goodbye to wider family and friends by holding a large BBQ/party. I'm putting this down to stress/depression. He's made such a quick recovery in real terms but in his head he should be a new fit man by now - which is far from the reality.

he will have another check in three months and scans every 2 years. The consultant was saying that Ranulph Feines had the same op and was doing marathons within 6 months - I hope this news resets H's brain and makes him a little more hopeful. The consultant also said that much cleverer people than him have been trying to fathom the effects of long, complex surgeries on the brain - there's no set pattern discernible. So maybe I'll have to learn to put his 'new' personality down to some sort of damage done, which may or may not get better.

he's apologised many, many times over the last couple of weeks for his awful outbursts. I just don't understand why he can't control what comes out of his mouth. Maybe this will settle now he knows he's not dying and has a normal life expectancy - his evil side will disappear.

hopefully, in the not too distant future, the cement mixer will get used, along with the fishing tackle and all the other stuff which remains boxed/new/unopened in the garage.

my daughter is now 30 wks pregnant with twins and has finally packed her hospital bag. She is stopping work in two weeks.

eternally grateful to @olympicsrock - much love ❤️ you kept me sane

welcome to the golden over 50s club @Fraaahnces - hope you had a fabulous birthday 🎉 Covid is doing it's rounds again here - we've a few family members just now starting to test negative from 'having a cold' last week. (Hope H doesn't get it.)

so when I finish here today I'll go home and later on we'll have a beer or two (might treat myself to a chocolate brazil or two), count our blessings and get on with it.

I've always had a 'fear' of the future, an apprehension lurking in the back of my mind - that's gone now. I'm going to find joy in every little moment/every way I can. I don't feel frightened anymore <dabs tears away before granddaughter wakes and finds me crying >

we're off to play hoop la in the garden

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 12/07/2022 15:42

That's a wonderful update. Wishing you a future full of optimism and appreciation!

KeziaOAP · 12/07/2022 16:07

Such an uplifting update with good news on your DH. With best wishes for you and yours.

Enjoy a beer and and a few chocolate brazil's - one or two is never enough. Take care of you Flowers

JustMoved123 · 12/07/2022 17:09

I’ve been following your story but never commented but just wanted to say how pleased I am for you that things are looking up. You sound a remarkable woman, much loved by your family, try and have a little time for yourself if you can sometimes 😊

Munchyseeds2 · 12/07/2022 17:16

I have followed along quietly as well
So glad to read good news and truly hope things will continue to get better
Please look after yourself as well as everyone else!

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