thank you everyone for the unending support
this feels like the end of the road
i feel well for the first time in a week today - back to drinking coffee - which I missed
but the good news is that H finally had his first check post surgery (seemed like an extraordinarily long wait) and he's doing much better than expected. He's now on only two drugs (amiodarone and clopidogrel) and those can stop in the next six months.
the pain he is experiencing is normal post op pain after this amount of surgery. He shouldn't have stopped all the painkillers yet.
it was all doom and gloom yesterday as we had the last ever BBQ, last glass of wine, last watering of the vegetable plot, last bit of sitting outside listening to music - he was convinced the surgery hadn't worked and that today he would be taken back into hospital for further surgery and he would die. On Sunday he said goodbye to wider family and friends by holding a large BBQ/party. I'm putting this down to stress/depression. He's made such a quick recovery in real terms but in his head he should be a new fit man by now - which is far from the reality.
he will have another check in three months and scans every 2 years. The consultant was saying that Ranulph Feines had the same op and was doing marathons within 6 months - I hope this news resets H's brain and makes him a little more hopeful. The consultant also said that much cleverer people than him have been trying to fathom the effects of long, complex surgeries on the brain - there's no set pattern discernible. So maybe I'll have to learn to put his 'new' personality down to some sort of damage done, which may or may not get better.
he's apologised many, many times over the last couple of weeks for his awful outbursts. I just don't understand why he can't control what comes out of his mouth. Maybe this will settle now he knows he's not dying and has a normal life expectancy - his evil side will disappear.
hopefully, in the not too distant future, the cement mixer will get used, along with the fishing tackle and all the other stuff which remains boxed/new/unopened in the garage.
my daughter is now 30 wks pregnant with twins and has finally packed her hospital bag. She is stopping work in two weeks.
eternally grateful to @olympicsrock - much love ❤️ you kept me sane
welcome to the golden over 50s club @Fraaahnces - hope you had a fabulous birthday 🎉 Covid is doing it's rounds again here - we've a few family members just now starting to test negative from 'having a cold' last week. (Hope H doesn't get it.)
so when I finish here today I'll go home and later on we'll have a beer or two (might treat myself to a chocolate brazil or two), count our blessings and get on with it.
I've always had a 'fear' of the future, an apprehension lurking in the back of my mind - that's gone now. I'm going to find joy in every little moment/every way I can. I don't feel frightened anymore <dabs tears away before granddaughter wakes and finds me crying >
we're off to play hoop la in the garden