Who pisses you off right bloody now?

[Adventurine]

And say it here, if you can't to them. I know I am not being unreasonable and I also know that if I don't say this somewhere I will say it when I shouldn't and create problems.

So, Jenny. You're right. I do not take our dog for four walks a day. I take our dog for a 45 mins walk/romp of chasing balls and sticks and finding treats on the woodland trail. Because I literally do not have the time to factor in four fucking walks. DH walks the dog while I make dinner. You're not Queen Dog because you take your fucking hound out that much. You just have far more leisure time than I do, and that's because you've no young children and no need to work. AND a little trundle around the estate so you can chat to all the passers by isn't even the same sort of walk! You're just bored. Fuck you, Jenny. Also, no I do not hoover three times a day. Again, see leisure time and boredom. You've no need to gasp when you hear that I don't even do it every day. GTFO if it's not good enough for you!

Also - to my rather fragile and self-doubting director: please gain a little self-belief and stop attempting to micro-manage me.

I have been doing my job for a looong time and am a subject matter expert, as are you.

You do your job and approve my leave requests, I'll do my job and continue to submit the unbearably complicated project update tools you requested in the first place in a timely fashion, and we'll both be happy.

To my sister-in-law, who visits twice a year, making sneering, hurtful, personal comments about my family in my earshot whilst at the same time completely oblivious to how desperately my family is trying to be nice to her and taking it on the chin, so as not to lose all contact and visits from my equally oblivious brother, who tolerates her disgusting remarks about his own family, when really we want to tell her to 'FUCK OFF!!!!!' ah, that feels good

The bastard Filipino restaurant next door to me (no, it wasn't there when I moved in) You're a restaurant, not a nightclub, so stop with the crappy, blaring, thumping music every fucking Friday, Saturday and Sunday night until gone midnight so I can have a relaxing weekend for once, I hate you!

DH

I'm about half an hour and one more accusation of nagging before he goes under the patio

We have guests coming on Friday for a barbecue (or indoor picnic depending on the weather). I've spent weeks tidying our garden. I've done everything I can do at this point. I just need him to do 1 tip run and cut back the over grown ivy bush. I've asked him for months. He promised he would do it this weekend.

Did he? Did he fuck.

I'm now being accused of "nagging" and "going on about the fucking garden". So I've told him I'm bloody cancelling the barbecue because I can't have people in a garden that looks like Monty Don is going to appear from the overgrown bushes at any time.

I'm now "cutting my nose off to spite my face" (IE, please don't cancel as I want to show off my manly barbecue skills on Friday and drink beer under the guise of the Queen).

Cretin.

DM - please stop being so bloody proud and sensitive for one minute so we can talk to you about your memory loss and actually help you without causing world war 3.

Family member - you are an adult, yet you keep making choices that mean you need everyone else to pick up the pieces for you. It doesn't make you brave, it makes you massively fucking selfish.

Other family member - stop enabling previous family member, either stop running around after them, or at least stop acting the fucking martyr.

Dog owners - put your dogs on leads when they are in the road, or do you want them to be run over?

I feel better now, thanks OP

D,

Your constant drama and offloading on to me is affecting my mental health.
You know what else I have going on.
You never start a conversation with 'How are you?' , just launch into whatever drama is on the menu today.
SORT YOUR SHIT OUT!!!
You're an adult now, its not my job to fix your (shitty) life choices.

@ReformedWaywardTeen Don't cancel it, just don't do anything for it. Don't shop for the food, don't make the salads and cut the bread to accompany his showing off man BBQ meat.
Don't even buy booze.
When everyone arrives just breezily look confused at the lack of food and say "oh, DH you said you didn't need to go on about it so I assumed it was all in hand". Then offer to take everyone to the pub

Absolutely agree!

We had this. Eventually I snapped. It blew up. She texted 'you're toxic, I'm done!'. So next planned visit I said to him I'm assuming she's not coming as she finds us toxic. Now he comes on his own and it is GREAT! It was a power play to make him chose, of course. We asserted boundaries. When we have to see her it is cordial. But her behaviour then means we don't have to see her so much, don't have to walk on egg shells any more - I won't put up with it now and she knows it - and we get to have him on his own which is much better.

Work "colleague", no you can't unilaterally just decide to change your job title to take over work which has been going on for years. You might think that you've stumbled on the answer to all our problems but you haven't. Someone needs to tell you to back off!

Boss.

When Sharon (not her real name) isn't signed off sick for months on end each year, she does fuck all. The small amount of work she does do is full of errors or half complete and as her job share counterpart I'm sick of fixing her shit and being paid the same as her to do all the work.

I get that it's hard to get rid of someone in a public sector organisation but it's not impossible and steps need to be taken soon because otherwise I'm going to walk leaving you without a staff member who actually works hard.

DH ...have just got to work and am amazed I haven't crashed my car !!His poor communication skills,lack of ,empathy and general poor social skills have practically finished me off after 28 years of marriage !He is a kind man which makes it actually even harder to deal with...feel I cannot just WALK !
Feel so funking lonely and isolated...OK rant over now ...breathe!

Ds1's teacher -
You gave ds1 the part of "camel". I told him to say "I'm in character" if anyone told him off for looking glum. Of course he's glum. You promised the class they'd all have an important role and he's a camel, on stage for a minute with a hideous costume and no dialogue. He says if it's a choice between being a camel and not being in it, he'd rather not be in it.
That's fine by me. But why did you have to get all their hopes up like that? That seems to be bothering him far more than being a camel. Now he's totally disengaged and I know he's not the only one.
The last half of this term is going to be tough.

See this is quite doable as I have my "secret stash" of gin so I'd be fine.

Dear Russia. Fuck off and go home. Stop murdering, raping, and torturing my friends and colleagues. Stop destroying their home. Stop thieving. And stop lying about it.

She fucking what???

I'm so sorry. That's awful.

Ah, this got me. Currently en route to caravan park with my DH and kids. DH has ADHD. Four times I reminded him to put his coat in the car. His coat is not in the car. And I've just found out that he didn't cancel the milk delivery for tomorrow. He had ONE job. I did everything else!!!

Dear cat,
please don’t climb on the new curtains. If you continue then your access to the sitting room will be limited to supervised visits only. Let’s be reasonable.
yours sincerely,
Me

Ds6 can you please shhh for 5 minutes so I can hear myself think. No for the last time that charger doesn't work on your tablet.

Ds1 can you just stop being annoying for the same 5 minutes your brother is quiet for. Stop trying to plug things into the sockets.

Dh you have no boxers because they're in a pile on your side of the bed take them downstairs to the washing machine and put them on for a wash, then when that's done chuck them in the dryer.

Estate agents - you're a shower of useless twats. How some of you stay in business I don't know. And house sellers - you are going to hand these idiots ££££, so do NOT assume your agents are professionals, and check your listing details, make sure there's a floor plan, that the street view pin is on the right property, all details are included, and check to make sure they answer the phone. Yes there are a few professional ones, but most of them are hopeless.

Boris Johnson. Please just fuck off forever.

Is it free?

My next door neighbour who caused a huge scene at our door this morning by ranting and raving and threatening us just because he had the audacity to begin a legal approved home extension project! I'm still shaken up and had to take my very first Xanax to calm down (chronic anxiety sufferer)

Dear house viewer, here's a useful tip for the future. Don't fucking poke stuff that isn't yours.