AIBU or is DH? Regarding 13yo DD

[AgathaBrazen]

DD (13) wants to go into our local city centre tomorrow with her friend.

DH says no way there's too many weirdos and she'll be abducted / raped/ murdered etc etc

It's two stops on the train and a short walk from the train station to the shopping centre.

She's done it with us many times.

She's very sensible and will be with her very sensible friend.

I think it's OK. DH says No.

Who is BU?

Sounds fine to me. I was doing the same at her age.

13 is about the right age for this kind of thing.

I was getting the bus 45 minutes into town and spending the day hanging out with my friends by then.

YANBU

What age does he think it will be ok?

In day time. Perfectly fine.

He didn't say. But said she needs to be older.

Yes daytime.

It’s completely fine. Make sure her phone is charged and that she knows when she has to be home.

Perfectly reasonable
the more she is restricted the more chance she’ll start lying and rebelling
better to build on trust, respect and honesty

It’s fine flip sake, he can’t keep her locked in the house until god knows what age. He’s been ridiculous.

You need to get evidence of all these abduction and rapes of 13 year olds that you husband thinks will happen ??? , Sorry but your DH sounds a twat . How will our teenagers ever cope with Adult life if they can't have some independence and freedom. .

It sounds fine. Gently point out to him that by 16 she’ll be all over the place so she needs to start flapping her wings to learn to look after herself.

So he can save face could you agree that he pick them up this first time?

It's fine. He is being unreasonable and over protective.

Do you not know about teenagers? It's not in their biology to be sensible and behave. Have they got suspected special needs as well? I'm on team DH

YANBU

I agree it sounds fine

Perfectly fine. He's being ridiculous.

Of course it’s fine.

as others have said, she needs to start learning independence from now, or she’ll find life overwhelming when she is 16 or however old he thinks is ok.

His viewpoint sounds a bit sexist tbh. We can’t wrap girls up in cotton wool because there are some criminals out there - they deserve the same quality of life as boys.

Very reasonable in the daytime - assuming she’s sensible, sticks with friend and has a fully charged phone with her.
Be gentle with her dad - it’s hard when their babies are growing up

She's 13 - and a sensible 13. Of course it's fine. She has to be allowed some independence.
Having said that, your husband's feelings are important too, he is obviously genuinely worried about it. Your husband needs to find a compromise that allays his fears. Could he drop off/pick up? Could she check in every hour?

Of course it's fine at 13. I was getting the tube into Central London at 11.

YANBU. She’s 13, perfectly normal for her age to be going to the city centre with friends.

Your DH is unreasonable.

I agree with you, so long as there is not some drip feed coming. But he is her parent too. And she is his little girl and he feels nervous. Could you compromise that eg he does the journey with them and hangs around in town on hand if they have any problems the first time?

I have similar with my DH at times and while I want to tell him not to be ridiculous I know I also sometimes get nervous at firsts, and I also spend more time with DD so can see her confidence levels better, so I appreciate sometimes you need to ease things in.

My two have done this since year 7 it’s absolutely fine. They go to schools with huge catchments so its easier to meet up with friends that way. I prefer them going into the city than our local small town centre, every week a kid gets beaten up or has their phone, bike or scooter taken there (according to the Facebook group). Neither have had any problems in the city.